{"id":2755,"date":"2013-12-28T16:32:47","date_gmt":"2013-12-28T16:32:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/?p=2755"},"modified":"2013-12-28T16:32:47","modified_gmt":"2013-12-28T16:32:47","slug":"107-emotional-and-bodily-harm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/?p=2755","title":{"rendered":"107 Emotional And Bodily Harm"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/2610472\/height\/325\/width\/325\/theme\/legacy\/direction\/no\/autoplay\/no\/autonext\/no\/thumbnail\/yes\/preload\/no\/no_addthis\/no\/\" height=\"325\" width=\"325\" scrolling=\"no\"  allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/107-Emotional-and-Bodily-Harm.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/107-Emotional-and-Bodily-Harm-300x224.jpg\" alt=\"107 Emotional and Bodily Harm\" width=\"300\" height=\"224\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-2757\" srcset=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/107-Emotional-and-Bodily-Harm-300x224.jpg 300w, http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/107-Emotional-and-Bodily-Harm-400x300.jpg 400w, http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/107-Emotional-and-Bodily-Harm.jpg 801w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Is Santa Claus dyslexic?  The thought, I know, is shocking,<br \/>\nI asked him for a sock monkey; I got a monkey in my stocking,<br \/>\nI woke up and went downstairs to find him hanging from a drape,<br \/>\nIt screeched at me and I just stood there shocked with mouth ag<strong>APE<\/strong>,<br \/>\nHe jumped down on the nativity set scattering all the pieces,<br \/>\nAnd ran about the room like school kids let out for <strong>RHESUS<\/strong>,<br \/>\nThen in a flash he was up the tree and on the star was hammerin&#8217;,<br \/>\nI stood there doing nothing but stutterin&#8217; and s<strong>TAMARIN<\/strong>,<br \/>\nBut when it came to flinging poo, I admit this guy was great,<br \/>\nOut of ten, a superior seven, or even a <strong>PRIMATE<\/strong>,<br \/>\nThat was when my little brother Derek stumbled in,<br \/>\nHe caught the kid just under the mouth giving Deri<strong>CAPUCHIN<\/strong>,<br \/>\nA flying turd hit my momma just above the hip,<br \/>\nThe monkey <strong>HOWLER<\/strong>ed in victory like he&#8217;d won some champion<strong>CHIMP<\/strong>,<br \/>\nMy mother&#8217;s face turned burning red, to rage she had been driven,<br \/>\nNo monkey soiling momma&#8217;s clothes would ever be for<strong>GIBBON<\/strong>,<br \/>\nShe tore into the presents searching for items that could kill,<br \/>\nShe came up with &#8220;Lady&#8217;s Knitting Set&#8221; and poppa&#8217;s new <strong>MANDRILL<\/strong>,<br \/>\nShe <strong>SPIDER<\/strong> prey running away and not the least bit sorry,<br \/>\n<strong>MARMOSET<\/strong> off after it, chasing down her quarry,<br \/>\nThe monkey was no match for momma&#8217;s murderous intent,<br \/>\nOnce the bloody deed was done, in a garbage <strong>SAKI<\/strong> went,<br \/>\nI swore that day that never again would Santa I confuse,<br \/>\nUntil the year I forgot and asked for alligator shoes.<\/p>\n<p><em>This is a story about blasting caps, the most safe and innocent toys in your child&#8217;s bedroom.  WAIT!  No, that&#8217;s not right!  Those things are deadly!  Deadly, I tell you!  Especially in the WRONG HANDS.  Do <strong>you<\/strong> have the wrong hands?  Will you have any hands left when this is all over?  Find out the gory truth in <strong>Blasting Cap Danger<\/strong> (1957).<\/em><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"420\" height=\"315\" src=\"\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Zn8-rbRMV1k\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><em><strong>From Skullard&#8217;s Postcard Collection<\/strong>: Jackson Pollock eat your heart out.<\/em><br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/chimpartist.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/chimpartist.jpg\" alt=\"chimpartist\" width=\"325\" height=\"500\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-2758\" srcset=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/chimpartist.jpg 325w, http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/chimpartist-195x300.jpg 195w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 325px) 100vw, 325px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is Santa Claus dyslexic? The thought, I know, is shocking, I asked him for a sock monkey; I got a monkey in my stocking, I woke up and went downstairs to find him hanging from a drape, It screeched at &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/?p=2755\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,466],"tags":[508,507,224],"class_list":["post-2755","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bad-movies","category-holidays","tag-blasting-cap-danger","tag-monkey-shines","tag-time-to-learn"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2755","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2755"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2755\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2760,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2755\/revisions\/2760"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2755"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2755"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2755"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}