{"id":863,"date":"2012-03-05T00:36:45","date_gmt":"2012-03-05T00:36:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/?p=863"},"modified":"2012-03-05T00:36:45","modified_gmt":"2012-03-05T00:36:45","slug":"037-how-many-fire-ants-fled-to-my-stomach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/?p=863","title":{"rendered":"037 How Many Fire Ants Fled To My Stomach?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"http:\/\/player.wizzard.tv\/player\/o\/j\/x\/133090750622\/config\/k-f66fc0306886ccea\/uuid\/root\/height\/325\/width\/325\/episode\/k-794bddb8d5f8209b.m4v\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/037-How-Many-Fire-Ants-Fled-To-My-Stomach.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/037-How-Many-Fire-Ants-Fled-To-My-Stomach-300x224.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"037 How Many Fire Ants Fled To My Stomach\" width=\"300\" height=\"224\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-864\" srcset=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/037-How-Many-Fire-Ants-Fled-To-My-Stomach-300x224.jpg 300w, http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/037-How-Many-Fire-Ants-Fled-To-My-Stomach.jpg 803w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a>Hey there, children!  Want to experience some math that&#8217;s <strong><em>FUN<\/em><\/strong>?  Solve the following problem:<br \/>\n<em>&#8220;Luka and Skullard&#8217;s adventuring party infiltrated the temple of the beheaded snake god only to be attacked by 592 ravenous degenerate snake-folk cultists.  After horrifically slaughtering half of them with a blade barrier spell, tossing bloody viscera in every direction, the gore-soaked survivors ran and hid from the elven invaders in eight seperate chambers of the temple.  If the cowardly snake-folk are hiding in equal numbers, how many degenerates are in each chamber?&#8221;<\/em><br \/>\nHere&#8217;s a hint: the answer is the same as this podcast&#8217;s episode number.  Now, remember to show your work.<\/p>\n<p><strong>The Bad Seed<\/strong> (1956) is a cultural touch-stone and the topic of <em>Luka&#8217;s Bad Movie Review <\/em>this week.  This is a <em>Great Unintenionally Bad Movie <\/em>that dealt with psychopathic serial killers before they were cool.  Rhoda, the cute little blood-thirsty wench of this story will not only creep you out with her manipulative manners and flares of temper, but you&#8217;ll never look at girls with blonde braids the same way again.  So much for afternoons watching the Brady Bunch while sipping Swiss Miss cocoa.<\/p>\n<p>We get more milage from Prof. Stock&#8217;s <strong>Book of Questions<\/strong>.  And once again, Skullard proves he&#8217;s a coniving bastard who twists the intent of the various scenarios to his own advantage.  It&#8217;s amazing he hasn&#8217;t got further in life, seeing as the universe is essentially unfair and favors the selfish and the mean.<\/p>\n<p><em>Meet Sgt. Harry J Wheeler, New York&#8217;s top K-9 cop.  You can check out his official profile <a href=\"http:\/\/www.troopers.ny.gov\/Specialized_Services\/Canine_Unit\/Canine_Gallery\/Wheeler.cfm\">here<\/a>.<\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/1_wheeler.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/1_wheeler.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"1_wheeler\" width=\"310\" height=\"413\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-866\" srcset=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/1_wheeler.jpg 310w, http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/1_wheeler-225x300.jpg 225w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 310px) 100vw, 310px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><em>From <strong>Skullard&#8217;s Postcard Collection<\/strong>:  The happy family scene . . . <strong>or is it<\/strong>?<\/em><br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/familyscene.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/familyscene.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"familyscene\" width=\"324\" height=\"500\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-865\" srcset=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/familyscene.jpg 324w, http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/familyscene-194x300.jpg 194w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 324px) 100vw, 324px\" \/><\/a>Mommy wears a yellow blouse, daddy wears a tie,<br \/>\nJosh and I wear jammies &#8217;cause it&#8217;s time for beddie-bye,<br \/>\n&#8220;Can we stay up, daddy?&#8221;  I give him sad eyes, &#8220;Please?&#8221;<br \/>\nHe laughs and tells me, &#8220;Sorry squirt&#8221; as I bounce upon his knees.<br \/>\nJosh pouts behind daddy&#8217;s head, trying to look cute,<br \/>\nMommy laughs and nudges him, &#8220;You heard him, kiddos.  Scoot.&#8221;<br \/>\nJosh is in position and his eyes lock into mine,<br \/>\nThey had their chance, I nod just once, giving him the sign.<br \/>\nJosh&#8217;s arms push against the back of daddy&#8217;s head,<br \/>\nWhile legs and ankles lock the neck to crush the corotted.<br \/>\nI bring my heel down fast and hard into daddy&#8217;s sack,<br \/>\nThen knee-drop on his diaphragm, pressing the attack.<br \/>\nDaddy&#8217;s air comes whooshing out, he tries to talk but squeaks,<br \/>\nHe can&#8217;t break Josh&#8217;s sleeper hold (we practiced this for weeks)<br \/>\nMommy finally figures out we&#8217;re not playing any more.<br \/>\nHer cry of fear masks the sound of flapping doggie-door.<br \/>\n&#8220;Xerxes,&#8221; I command our dog and point to mom, &#8220;Subdue!&#8221;<br \/>\nThe rottweiler leaps at mommy&#8217;s neck as daddy&#8217;s turning blue.<br \/>\nIn moments it&#8217;s all over, we&#8217;re staying up tonight,<br \/>\nIn the basement mommy and daddy will wake up to their plight,<br \/>\nDuct taped naked on the floor, there they wait for doom,<br \/>\nThink of this next time you send your kids off to their room.<\/p>\n<p><em>Please observe as a snooty, racist dog learns that friendship is about more than body shape and fur color. <strong>It&#8217;s Skipper Learns a Lesson<\/strong> (1952)!<\/em><br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"420\" height=\"315\" src=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/h3hxPv3mzFI\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hey there, children! Want to experience some math that&#8217;s FUN? Solve the following problem: &#8220;Luka and Skullard&#8217;s adventuring party infiltrated the temple of the beheaded snake god only to be attacked by 592 ravenous degenerate snake-folk cultists. After horrifically slaughtering &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/?p=863\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,5,7],"tags":[179,180,178,176,177],"class_list":["post-863","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bad-movies","category-entertainment","category-odd-news","tag-math","tag-poetry","tag-sgt-wheeler","tag-skipper-learns-a-lesson","tag-the-bad-seed"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/863","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=863"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/863\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":885,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/863\/revisions\/885"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=863"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=863"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=863"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}