hALLOWeen

On Halloween in days of yore
Costumed kids ran door to door
But you don’t see that anymore
Since parents were infected
By tales of needles in candy bars
And heedless children hit by cars
“Oh that can’t happen, not to ours
My child must be protected.”

So they take their kids to the well-lit mall
Or a “Harvest Fair” celebrating Fall
And kids are never scared at all
Because their parents are enlightened
But if they were allowed outside
They might wonder what the darkness hides
And no child should ever be denied
The fun of being frightened

So let werewolves howl, let ghosts say “boo”
Let vampires bite a neck or two
Let witches ‘round their cauldrons brew
Their fearsome formulations
Let zombies rise and walk about
Let banshees wail, let goblins shout
“It’s Halloween!” before bringing out
Your Christmas decorations

Wondering what all the spoopiness is about? Here’s the Buzzfeed article that has made “Spoopy” this year’s Halloween meme.

James Creighton had a visit from the cops because his Halloween display was too scary for some crybaby pussy kid who’s mommy probably still wipes his poopy butt. Click the pic to donate to his charity collection page.

Looking for the perfect gift for that toxic gas-bag in your life? Consider Shreddies, the flatulence-filtering underwear. At least one end of your mother-in-law will become more tolerable.

Remember: only losers read gravestones.

It’s important to have beliefs in life, unless those beliefs lead to . . . murder! Get your head right, chum! Stop thinking like and unsafe nitwit that does unlicensed electrical work. Rid yourself of Six Murderous Beliefs (1955), you sissy!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: scaring the young’uns . . . it’s what this holiday’s all about, ain’t it?