We keep going back to these internet freeloaders who see their need for garage upgrades just as worthy a cause as dialysis for eight year old violin prodigies. It’s flabbergasting what people will ask for. And yet, had the internet been live and available when we were young ‘uns, would we have taken to the ether to beg for goodies? If so, just what goodies would we have pleaded to the masses for?

1. Money for Summer camp so we wouldn’t have had to wash windows, collect newspapers and memorize bible verses for cash.
2. Money for band trips so we wouldn’t have had to sell cookie dough, candy bars, cheese, and poinsettias while also washing cars, shoveling driveways, and working concessions at football games of teams who never once had to raise a cent for uniforms, equipment or trips because hey, it’s football man!
3. A guitar that was the right size for small hands so Skullard wouldn’t have given up lessons in the third grade only to try again and like it after high school, teaching himself and becoming a hack player.
4. A llama.
5. The full run of MAD magazine in mint condition.
6. Money to hire professionals to do the yard work our parents apparently conceived children in order to avoid doing themselves.
7. All the money back that was constantly stolen by a younger brother from the underwear drawer and by a mother who had an ATM card.
8. A friend.

Sometimes upgrades are important. You don’t want to go cheap on appliances and get stuck with a piece of crap (are you listening Mr. Landlord?). Getting the right appliance might cost a bit more, or a lot more, or more than your stingy-gut husband wants to spend, but in the end everyone will be happy you made a wise purchase under penalty of death. Find out the rewards of wise buying practices in Once And Forever (1956).

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Success? Why are these jokers going about it the hard way? All you have to do is get enough people to send you money and you can be a millionaire by the age of 27.