Welcome to our discount website that doesn’t put us on Google Maps. For another $10 a month we could let everyone know where we live, but as it is we’ll just have to keep telling you all where you can go. This week’s episode is a full stocking of goodies, a fruitcake full of nuts and candies, a piñata stuffed with candy and toys, a grab-bag of surprises, a cookie tray, a box of chocolates from which you never know what you’ll get, a Deck of Many Things, a buffet plate your mother put together while you sat waiting at the table, a flea-infested carcass and other things you dare not ponder. It is our gift to you, dear listener, with our compliments and one or two happy returns. Have joyous whatever-the-fuck and may all you seasonal expectations be at least partially fulfilled.

You remember Toy Story, right? Well, this isn’t that. Sure, there’s a toy who feels threatened by the appearance of new toys and is willing to go to great lengths to make sure its beloved child doesn’t forget or neglect him. But past that familiar premise, things take a creepier, almost stalker-ish turn. Not since Glenn Close told Michael Douglas, “I will not be ignored!” has a jilted figure (or figurine) been willing to go so far to embed themselves in the heart of their obsession. See the desperation and tormented sense of betrayal that fuels A Christmas Fantasy (1930).

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: You can tell how desperate FedEx is getting this time of year by the quality of the temporary drivers they’re willing to hire. I mean, look at this kid: she’s dropping packages and doesn’t bother going back to get them. And you can bet that freight isn’t organized by address. And what’s she going to do when her next delivery is uphill? Amateurs.