130 The Signpost Up Ahead

130 The Signpost Up Ahead
You come to a door. This door is unlocked by the key of your imagination or the battering ram of your relentless ire. Hey, who locked this door? What are they hiding? What do they not want us to see? I thought this was supposed to be a show, but now they’re shutting us out and locking shit. In our experience, when God closes one door he opens a Starbucks. Yes, coffee, that’s what we need. We need some stimulant for our imagination because that’s the key to unlock the goddamn door. Y’know what, fuck the door. There’s gotta be a window to this place, right? You come to a window that is smashed by the rock of your short attention span. Alright we’re in. We’re going to have to sweep up now, but we’re in. Where’s that broom of our guilt and the dustpan of our failure?

Say what you will, Rod Serling had a way of grabbing your attention right out of the gate.

The best way to sell a movie is show everybody their favorite scene from a whole different movie. That’s how they sold us Psycho II.

If Skullard wasn’t already snipped, our recent trip to the grocery store would have had him on the phone booking an appointment. This commercial takes that idea and runs with it.

What’s more educational than a synopsis of a few days in the life of a typical Caucasian family with horrendous teeth? Honestly, when Fifi the poodle got out of the yard, we were going to shit our pants. But the producers of this film didn’t stop there, the psycho bastards. There was an Easter egg coloring sequence. And a board got nailed. Just how much stimuli do these assholes think we can take? Find out if you can take the excitement of bringing in firewood AND mixing cookie dough all in one day by watching Jay Can Do It . . . can you!?!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Do I talk too much about TV? Am I watching too much? I mean, sometimes a show will get into my head and I’ll keep thinking about it. Maybe I even obsess a little. I dunno, do you think I have a problem?