131 Last Call

131 Last Call

The Second Coming was never meant to be an excuse to do nothing. It was something to be kept in the back of the head along with proverbial sayings and residual guilt to help guide our actions as we move through our Christian life, such as it is. But some people will use any excuse to give up and quit, even a vague prophetic one. “Sorry, but I’m not taking down the garbage because Christ will return before the trash guy will.” “Take this job and shove it, or give it to some ambitious heathen who doesn’t mind working through the Tribulation.” “Why bother showering? When I’m raptured, Jesus will take me up into the sky and all my filth will be left behind . . . with the rest of you filth.”

Goddamnit! If you’re not running the jewelry shop anymore, how can I buy that pendant!?!
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Hello Kitty in SPAAAAAAAACE! You can have Kitty’s little message board say anything like, “Get me down from here!” She needs a message board up there, because in space no one can hear you nyan.
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It’s nice and all to impress your thuggish friends, but what’s really important is how your parents feel. So shut your gob and listen to some inspirational adages from haggard old men and maybe you too can change your life around like That Boy Joe (1944).

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Oral Roberts, whatever else you want to say about him, wasn’t going to just sit around waiting for Jesus to show up again and put an end to his cash flow. He and his hair went out there and preached his ass off, shooting for no less than a million souls saved from just one crusade. And if each one of them put just five dollars in the bucket at the end of the night . . .
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