If things look or feel different on this website, it’s because we’re working with new equipment. We could still use the old equipment, but it’s all stuffed into the corner of Skullard’s room and smells of heated dust bunnies. Mac computers are beautiful and elegant and really fucking frustrating for about a month. We’re in that month. You never realize how much you right-click before you’re forced to use “command C” all the time. And you can’t even get mad at the machine because it’s still shiny clean and there’s no food embedded in the keyboard yet. Did we say “yet”? Ha-ha, we didn’t mean “yet”. No, we will keep this beauty pristine. No food at the computer. No shady downloads. No porn. Nothing like that at all at this computer. This computer is for podcasts and beautiful things. If you need Skullard, you’ll find him in the corner of his room.
In 1944, the movie Voodoo Man really broke new ground. Fake roadblocks divert attractive motorists towards isolated farmhouses to be preyed on by unscrupulous scoundrels with at least one mental deficient that says, “You’re purty.” Can you imagine? And to go along with all that cinematic innovation, the filmmakers made the daring move of showing the police as apathetic and ineffective. One could argue that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is nothing more than a pale reflection of Voodoo Man. And the only suitable response to someone making such an argument is a swift blow to the side of the head with a shovel. Now, please enjoy John Carradine rocking out.
The management of this theatre is proud to offer these fine cooking utensils to every woman attending tonight’s feature. You single men with no one to cook for you can go suck a lemon. The management can’t be bothered checking everyone’s relationship status. What are you doing showing up at the movies without a girl anyway? Losers! But for all you fine ladies, what we have here is a fop in a chef outfit that can show you how to make a “French Curl”, something your husbands and boyfriends will appreciate later tonight. See what you’re missing single guys? Now go out there and get yourself a skirt so she can make you some Delicious Dishes (1950).