What’s worse than a baloney and mayonnaise on white bread sandwich every day for your entire childhood? Being stripped naked and getting your head stuck in a banister, for one thing. Or trying to eat a nice chicken-and-slug burger when a horse walks in and craps in front of you. Or being called relentlessly day and night by a custom Renaissance Fair costume shop. Or having your Mom shove a suppository up your ass every afternoon until you go mad. These are all based on true stories, by the way. Life is full of surprises.

Look, a new baby! What a fucking miracle! What could possibly make this occasion even more wonderful? How about a lump of mayonnaise and a decrepit old hag? Now everything’s perfect!

Gao was really excited to sing for you this week, even if it meant putting his health at great personal risk.

From Skullard’s Post Card Collection: Look, Luka! It’s Duck Dynasty! Or, errr…. Moose Dynasty! See, this idiot shaved his beard and now he’s calling the wrong animal. Oh well, shoot it anyway!