We don’t need your money. You notice there’s no PayPal button on this page. That’s mostly to avoid the crushing disappointment we’d feel every time we’d check our balance to learn yet again that we hadn’t made a red cent. Which we didn’t need anyway, you remember. But if we really did want to get some cash out of you, which we don’t, we’d post something like this on Facebook, because lawd knows this kind of thing rakes in the dough like gangbusters. In fact, we’ll post it, and even though it’s clearly a joke there will be some well-intentioned nitwit wondering where to donate. And then we can point and laugh at them, both because we still don’t need their money and a charitable heart needs to be crushed every now and then. You know, for it’s own good. In a world of liars and predators, everyone needs a shot to their skepticism once in a while. This is an important service we provide. Would you like to help us in our valuable work? Here’s one way: DON’T SEND US MONEY.
The Mothman has his secrets, some he’s keeping, some he shares
But the mystery for us is whether Mothman even cares
He gives you hints of horrid things about to come to pass
But not enough detail for you to really save your ass
Does Mothman want to help us or is this some kind of test
Those he warns end up often dead just like the rest
Before disaster strikes, Mothman seems to make things tougher
I think he’s just a bastard who likes to watch us suffer.
You know what you should be saving your money for? Making purchases at legitimate retail outlets. Your friends might tell you to save your money for future Facebook donations by shoplifting. Don’t do it. Now, you may be wondering if we mean “Don’t shoplift” or “Don’t donate to Facebook beggars.” Yes.
From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Why beg on the internet for cash when you can sell Tupperware? Tupperware is the perfect product that sells itself. Everyone wants/needs/plays bongos on Tupperware. Need something to bring the soup kitchen leftovers home in? Tupperware! Collecting change on the street, but the “clank-clatter” of coins in that old tin can annoying potential donors? Tupperware! Ain’t gotta pot to piss in? Tupperware! Your cure for crushing poverty is getting yourself some goddamned TUPPERWARE!