This week’s episode suffered from podcastus interruptus when our undead landlord showed up to examine our sink. It’s hard to make jokes about sperm donation when the cologne of the world’s biggest boner-killer still lingers in your kitchen. This was the reason one of your hosts cracked open a root beer in the middle of recording. You just thought he was thirsty? We have water for that, though now we have to fetch it from the sink in the bathroom. No, the reason we drink root beer in this tower of woe is for its calming effect and many health benefits. We’re willing to bet you have no idea what’s in you root beer and how this Nectar of the Gods can improve your life. All this stuff is in there:

* vanilla: stimulates the central nervous system and smells like your mom
* licorice root: contains glycyrrhizin, which helps with coughs, bronchitis, ulcers, constipation, adrenal insufficiency and your mom
* sarsaparilla root: helps with hives, sinusitis, PMS and menopause, which your mom is going through
* sassafrass root: for nail problems, rheumatism, gout, skin problems and lisps
* nutmeg: aids digestion in low doses (poisonous in higher doses, but if you get it just right, it can get rid of an unwanted pregnancy so GOOOOOOOOOO NUTMEG!)
* anise: expectorant (as you would expectorant)
* wintergreen: externally, for relief of inflammation and pain; also internally (contains salicylates as in aspirin), breath freshener, anti-mucus (as we all are, fucking mucus!)
* cinnamon: lowers blood sugar, freshens breath, makes for good YouTube stunts
* clove: analgesic qualities (oil of clove is used to soothe tooth and gum pain and cheaper than proper professional dental care)
* balsam: expectorant, antiseptic, analgesic qualities; good for relief of coughing, gagging and other natural responses to smelling your landlord
* cassia: helps with digestive disorders such as constipation, indigestion and butterflies
* cherry bark: good for cough relief (often used in commercial cough syrups without your knowledge – Ha ha, you sucker!)
* fenugreek: helps digestion; also for bronchitis relief (currently the only Greek thing working right now)
* St. John’s Wort: recognized widely and used for mild depression brought on by your mom

Skullard is relevant! He IS! He’s the Poochie of this show!

Wes Craven 1939-2015

There are a lot of sexist cocktail names, some of the most outrageous of which you can see on a slideshow if you click here. But the Redheaded Slut stands out (which makes sense because that’s how you drum up business). If you want to know how a Redheaded Slut is made, and who wouldn’t, here’s a demonstration from a guy who’s had plenty of Redheaded Sluts in his time.


Oh, you boys. Will and Hannibal sitting in a tree . . . K-I-L-L-I-N-G. How we will miss watching such a sweet and touching relationship blossom.

Wendy and Jamie are magnetic young children that attract iffy grown-ups like iron filings. Every molester in town wants a piece of these kids. At one point, even Jared Fogel offers them a sandwich. But luckily they have a spooky teacher whose hollow voice rings through their minds in times of crisis and later leads them to draw creepy pictures. How do you say no to a twisted psycho-drama like Say No To Strangers (1963)?