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Sadly, the story of Cousin Tom’s employment troubles isn’t unique at all. We didn’t have to search 30 seconds to find a cartoon that matched the situation (almost) perfectly. We didn’t even have to change the name.
This is a bit like working with Skullard’s dad on his computer or iPad problems, except that with him it’s over the phone and Lily Tomlin is much faster on the uptake.
And once that “professional” number is called, here’s what you get.
Zindy the Swamp Boy is a horrific excuse for a family movie. And yet, that’s exactly how it’s marketed, even getting bundled alongside other movies like Frasier the Lovable Lion, Mule Feathers and George!, films that blur the line between family viewing and domestic abuse. Please don’t worry that Luka might subject you to a review of Mule Feathers, the story of a traveling preacher and his talking mule voiced by Don Knotts. She’ll stick to stories of old people dying in quicksand and young children being mauled by viscous animals . . . heartwarming family fun.
Behold the 7-Eleven “Date Night” pack, redefining both convenience and romance in one sad package. You can tip the delivery guy with the money you saved by not buying flowers. Or doing laundry. Or toothpaste, we’re guessing. Actually, now that we’re looking at this again, all that’s missing is a pair of nylons and this goes from a “Date Night” pack to a “Exploit a Woman Living In a Warzone” pack.
“We are a PEACEFUL nation!” POW!
“FUCK YOU!” BIFF!
“Pacifism FOREVER!” SMASH!
“Your mother’s a WHORE!” SMACK!
“You bastard, leave my mother out of this!” KA-ZING!
“You broke my Tomodachi! ASSHOLE!” WHACK!
“HADOUKEN!!!” *utter destruction*
Apparently, they aren’t fucking around anymore.
Strap on your nose-bag and get ready to chow down on some top notch vittles: PEAS! They’re busting their buttons with freshness! Find out what makes Mrs. Housewife climax at the end of her day (seriously) in The Pick of the Pod (1939).