156 Universal Password

129 All Bagels Go To Heaven

This episode of What Could Go Wrong? is brought to you by Pillsbury brand Synonym Rolls. It’s the sweet, tasty, delicious. ambrosial, appetizing, delectable, flavorful, mouthwatering, palatable, scrumptious, succulent, toothsome, yummy treat you can make in your own home, abode, dwelling, habitation, pad, place, quarters, or residence.

Simply pop, snap, crack open a can, tube, sleeve, container of Pillsbury brand Synonym Rolls, and place, lay, arrange each piece, part, segment, slice or allotment onto a greased pan, tray, baking sheet or flat thing that doesn’t burn. Bake in an oven, stove, Easy-Bake convectionary hot box set to 375 degrees, increments, notches, echelons for 25-30 minutes or until golden, brown, golden brown, jute or antiquarian. Then snip, cut, tear open the pouch, envelope, blister pack to pour, apply, drizzle or squirt the Cinnabon brand icing, glaze, frosting, goop, angel jizz, sugar spunk, or puss of the gods.

It’s a wonderful treat, goody, indulgence or delectable for your entire family, clan, folks, house, kindred, tribe or brood. And don’t forget to try other Pillsbury brand products like our cookies and biscuits that are two totally different things!

Sadly, the story of Cousin Tom’s employment troubles isn’t unique at all. We didn’t have to search 30 seconds to find a cartoon that matched the situation (almost) perfectly. We didn’t even have to change the name.

This is a bit like working with Skullard’s dad on his computer or iPad problems, except that with him it’s over the phone and Lily Tomlin is much faster on the uptake.

And once that “professional” number is called, here’s what you get.

Zindy the Swamp Boy is a horrific excuse for a family movie. And yet, that’s exactly how it’s marketed, even getting bundled alongside other movies like Frasier the Lovable Lion, Mule Feathers and George!, films that blur the line between family viewing and domestic abuse. Please don’t worry that Luka might subject you to a review of Mule Feathers, the story of a traveling preacher and his talking mule voiced by Don Knotts. She’ll stick to stories of old people dying in quicksand and young children being mauled by viscous animals . . . heartwarming family fun.

Behold the 7-Eleven “Date Night” pack, redefining both convenience and romance in one sad package. You can tip the delivery guy with the money you saved by not buying flowers. Or doing laundry. Or toothpaste, we’re guessing. Actually, now that we’re looking at this again, all that’s missing is a pair of nylons and this goes from a “Date Night” pack to a “Exploit a Woman Living In a Warzone” pack.

“We are a PEACEFUL nation!” POW!
“Pacifism FOREVER!” SMASH!
“Your mother’s a WHORE!” SMACK!
“You bastard, leave my mother out of this!” KA-ZING!
“You broke my Tomodachi! ASSHOLE!” WHACK!
“HADOUKEN!!!” *utter destruction*

Apparently, they aren’t fucking around anymore.


Strap on your nose-bag and get ready to chow down on some top notch vittles: PEAS! They’re busting their buttons with freshness! Find out what makes Mrs. Housewife climax at the end of her day (seriously) in The Pick of the Pod (1939).