Hello listener. Even though, right at this moment, you’re more of a reader, you’ll always be a listener to us. Anyone can be a reader, but it takes special equipment to listen to a podcast, and we like to reward your investment by upgrading you to listener status. That’s right, you have status now. You can strut. Feel free. If you want to rub some reader‘s nose in it, that’s your call, we won’t stop you, but keep in mind you might need a favor from them later. You never know, some careless barrista might unintentionally squirt some steamed milk into your eyes, and you’re going to need a reader to get you on the right bus to take you to the hospital. Or some fink is juggling poor quality flash grenades which happen to go off just as you pass him, and now how are you going to finish that book report? Hope you were nice to your reader friend. Still, when all is said and done, you heard what was said and done and that other guy only got to read about it afterwards. Because you’re a listener, and he’s a reader. Try not to look down on him. Once, before podcasts came along, you were just like him. Oh, but if he tries to get all uppity with his new Kindle, smack it out of his hand and spit in his face.

So many liars. Lies, lies, lies. “Oh, I need some time off because my daughter’s dead in Costa Rica.”

“Could you drop me off at the hospital? I’m gonna have a baby for a few minutes. You can pick me up later.”

“I’m going to eat you, your family, and your dogs.”

You can’t believe a word anyone says anymore. “Just watch my pig for a couple of days, wouldja? I’ll be back for him, I promise.”

“It’s a new phone! I thought I had it turned off!”

“Hey, could you hurry and fill up my car please? What? Of course it’s my car!”

“It’s okay for me to park my horse here, right? I’ll be back in a minute.”

And then there’s the most insidous lie of all: “Nothing to worry about. Both of these hamsters are male.”

Luka brings you a Good Unintentionally Bad Movie this week with 1997’s craptacular Wishmaster. Wes Craven, Hollywood’s Master of Mediocre, churns out another middle of the road horror yarn with boring characters, a few interesting visuals and more fright-movie cameos than would ever be necessary. But, even with nothing more to recommend it, this film is worth a look solely for the title villain – The Wishmaster! He’s an evil genie, granting messed up wishes to unsuspecting saps all over town. Whatever you think you’re asking for, he’ll twist your words and give you either death or worse. He’s kind of like a corporate lawyer, but with magic! Worth a watch for a giggle and larf.

Skullard tosses off a couple of quick parodies in his Songs I No Longer Sing segment. As always, the guitar work is way off, but at least the songs are short, so no one has to suffer very long. And Freeloading is not autobiographical. Not completely. Sure, there was a patch there in the late 90’s . . . never mind.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: This dog was caught taking inappropriate pictures of underage puppies. They thought he was taking “art pictures”. Creepy mutt.

Please enjoy this week’s educational short, Three Little Kittens (1938)! An old hag allows her cat to get knocked up, and then unloads the kittens off on local shopkeepers. Here’s your kitten, Goodbye.