029 Uttering A Forged Instrument

Welcome to 2012. What could go wrong? If you believe the Mayans, or certain John Cusack movies, everything. But we had doom-sayers in 2011, didn’t we? And how did that work out? Still had to show up for work, still had to do the laundry, and didn’t get to see the enemies of righteousness get smote by the wrath of a big “G” god. What a let down that was. And thanks to a big stone calendar you could roll down your driveway and into the street to crush passing traffic, a bunch of ancient mathematicians from Central America are getting our hopes up again. You want to hope for the best, but we’ve been burned by apocalyptic teases before. You think, “Hey, maybe the Four Horsemen will really show up this time”, but it turns out to be just a bunch of Shriners on minibikes. It’s hard to stay optimistic about the end of the world, but we here at What Could Go Wrong? are nothing if not optimistic. Hell, it’s in the title! So we here at the podcast wish you all the best in this upcoming, terminal year. Here’s hoping.

A renegade goat is eluding authorities in Minnesota (you can check the Google map of all the recent sightings here) and a cranky croc named Elvis takes a lawnmower hostage for a ransom of kangaroo meat. Believe it or not, those animals are the most intelligent characters in the news this week. All the humans are dumber than stumps. Mental-patient bank robbers, nudists fast food patrons and the guy who asks for change from his million dollar bill at a Walmart make homo sapiens seem less evolved than your average cantankerous reptile.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review this week takes on Dead Silence (2007), a movie with all the elements for a fine creepy film except for any kind of protagonist anyone would give a flying fig about. The movie shows a room full of 101 ventriloquist puppets that never move, and every one of them can out act the main character. The villain was scary, and there is a great twist at the end that makes it worth watching, but unless you’re a compulsive shaver, there’s no one in this film you’re going to relate to. This Good Unintentionally Bad Movie will either leave you speechless, or feeling like a dummy.

Remember last week when Luka told you real-life excuses she’d been given by friends? Wait until you meet her family. Our Luka looks back on the special New Year traditions her family celebrated. And by “celebrated”, we mean “survived.”

And for the New Year, Skullard pulls out an old song. In a new segment called Songs I No Longer Sing, Skullard officially retires one of the songs from his old stage act, never to be performed again. And when you hear these obsolete tunes, dear listener, you’ll know why they’re being sung for the last time.

You can mow Elvis’ lawn when Elvis says you can mow his lawn. Otherwise, he’ll take that mower, and then what will you use? Detective Lipton’s shaver? It’s worth losing a couple of teeth to show everbody who’s boss.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Elvis sent me this one himself. It seems he wants a visit.

This week’s educational short; Ways To Settle Disputes (1950) teaches disagreeing young people some alternatives to murder. Huzzah!