And so it begins: the long, cold slog that is February, the month of unnecessary Rs. Whatever it was that the groundhog said, it was a damnable lie. Spring is yet far, far away, and the next paid holiday isn’t till the end of May. On the plate before you now is weeks of dismal weather and spiralling thoughts of despair. With nothing really to look forward to other than March, what is there to keep us going forward and not just cashing it all in, kicking off the clogs and taking the long dirt nap? What Could Go Wrong? – the podcast of optimism and triumph over the grumpies. Stick with us, dear listeners, and we’ll get you through this Winter of discontent by turning it into a season of snark. We’ll keep you so busy pointing and laughing derisively at all the losers life has to offer, you won’t even realize it’s Spring again until it bounces up behind you and stabs you in the neck with a tulip.

We had so much fun postponing podcasting to visit the zoo! Of course, we do our best not to spoil the ending, because you might want to get out and see your own zoo sometime, and we wouldn’t want to ruin it for you. What we like to ruin on a regular basis is your faith in humanity with our recount of recent news. The Piggyback Bandit was sentenced to go home and “behave”, which is a light sentence indeed for such a heavy man. One man dies and sits rotting for nine hours in an internet cafe, and none of the other gamers around him can stop their grinding long enough to notice. Another schmuck gets to cross being a public nuisance off his bucket list. And Luka finds out there’s a lucrative business opportunity in pre-school palmistry. Oh, and by the way, happy belated Twin-Tail Day!

Luka reviews The Human Centipede (2009) this week, which is probably closer to this film than you ever want to get. C’mon, people! Stop accepting water from mad scientists! Just stop! It never ends up going to a good place. This notorious film dooms its victims to feed on excrement. And the characters in the movie don’t fare any better. Luka double-dog-dares you to watch this film, but if you don’t, she’ll never know, and you really won’t lose any face. Just keep that in mind.

One day in an alley, Skullard heard a voice telling him to bop it, twist it and pull it. He’s been playing solo ever since. On this podcast, he gets an annoyed Luka to join in. Get your mind out of the gutter.

For all of you Do-It-Yourselfers out there, here is the detailed instruction for your drain plug. Follow closely, and do not deviate.

The Vermont State Police challenge you to . . . Find the Pig!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Big Jack! Now there’s a rabbit for your ranch!

In case you missed him: Champis, the Sheep-herding Rabbit!

Ever wonder why all your friends are going places and accomplishing things while you’re a worthless sack of crap? Sure you have! Are you destined to die in pathetic obscurity? Perhaps! Is there anything you can do to change your terrible fate? Of course there is! Please view this week’s important educational short; Better Use Of Leisure Time (1950).