Don’t let the title fool you. We live in a constant, churning miasma of chaos. Every routine we develop for ourselves is another blanket to crawl under in a vain attempt to hide from the unknowable darkness. Every schedule we jot down in our dayplanners or notes we write on our calendars are flimsy boards nailed over the windows as the zombie apocalypse lurches ever closer to the house. The Bible says, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” The bathroom stall says, “Shit happens”. Same diff. Control is a delusion we desperately cling to, willfully distorting our own vision in order to filter out the preponderance of evidence that existence is a balancing act in the middle of a tornado. Things do fall apart and the center can not hold. We all know that entropy tells us that nature tends from order to disorder, and all our protestations of control are laughable prayers to an unfeeling universe. But we continue to pray and plan and hope against all reasonable hope that our spider-silk constructions can weather the raging storms of random disaster. We tell ourselves that things are under control. We bind our sanity to us with a half-whispered mantra that’s half denial, half dare: “What Could Go Wrong?”
For this week’s Bad Movie Review, Luka rinses and spits on The Dentist (1996). This is a Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie, but none of the blame goes to Corbin Bernsen who plays the title character. Corbin does a great job acting the wakkaloon as Dr. Alan Feinstone, a dentist who pops his crown when he catches his wife doing something other than oral surgery to the pool boy. That’s not a flouride treatment he’s giving her. The realization that someone else is filling his wife’s cavity is enough to send the drill-happy dentist on an open-wide killing spree. If you’re the type of person who has anxiety about seeing your local dental professional, this movie isn’t for you. But if you like a good torture porn flick that drills down to the nerve, this piece of garbage still isn’t for you. It’s a bad movie, good lead actor or no. What the hell did you expect? It’s a Bad Movie Review, for chrissakes.
Why are you staying awake all night, stupid? Don’t you realize that sleeping is good for you? Please observe Sleep For Health (1950);
From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Numar Professional Equipment Co. / Model R-300-OS. It’s the latest word in both comfort and restraining the patient so you can smother her with a towel. That’ll keep her still when the novacaine wears off.
What should you do when you’re finished listening to the podcast? Here’s an idea!