021 Stabbing Your Boots With a Hunting Knife

Thanks to Daylight Savings, we had a whole extra hour to podcast this week. Unfortunately, we frittered that hour away making reckless love and quoting poetry. Or not. Okay, we actually sat staring at each other slowly counting to 60, 60 times in a row. The first one to yawn has to clean the litter boxes. Do we not live life to the fullest? If you can’t account for the extra hour the powers that be granted you this weekend, just say that you spent it listening to What Could Go Wrong? Podcast #021! You know they’re going to ask, so you’d better get your story straight ahead of time.

Isn’t it amazing that when a freeway is blocked by broken pumpkins, it gets cleared in time for rush hour, but when it’s doughnuts spilled all over the road, the cops take DAYS to get things cleaned up. Priorities, man, priorities. The stupid criminals this week were pretty cooperative, all things considered. One guy got arrested already wearing a prison outfit, another dropped straight through the ceiling into the waiting arms of the police, and a third dipshit just sat around watching TV until the police showed up. Actually, he watched TV until someone cracked him on the skull, knocking the guy out cold. I wonder if the knocker used one of those legalized billy clubs they’re using in church these days. Weapons are now a viable accessory to your church wardrobe in Wisconsin, allegedly. If you’re asking “What would Jesus do?” and your answer is, “Pack heat,” it may be time to go back and read that New Testament thingee. I’m just saying. The 79 year old woman in Berlin knew the right, moral thing to do when she was handed a bag full of cash instead of cold cuts. Too bad the other Berliner (isn’t that a doughnut?) couldn’t tell the difference between art and a stain on the ground. And we learn that vengeance just isn’t worth it when a sandwich maker tries to get back at a cop by tossing pubes onto his egg sandwich. Mmmmmm, pubey. Good thing he didn’t try that stunt around those mixed martial artists from Eugene, because they would have put the hurt on the jerk faster than he could slice a bagel. Allegedly.

It seems like Stephen King can’t write anything anymore without somebody trying to make a movie out of it, even if it’s a short story. The movie 1408 (2007) gives the original story more padding than an over-stuffed hotel pillow. John Cusack stumbles slack-jawed all over a haunted hotel room, gets abused by moving pictures and pleasant phone voices, and gets into the most violent, knock-down, drag-out fight ever waged against a mini-fridge. Will he survive a night in a room with a will of its own, especially considering it has access to his credit card number? Luka gives it a rating of a Good Unintentional Bad Movie for this week’s Bad Movie Review.

As we all know, our feet are two of the most under-appreciated parts our body has. It’s important to take care of them. With this in mind, Skullard abandons the silliness for once and delivers a heart-felt public service announcement on the importance of proper footwear. Sure, the podcast is supposed to be about laughing and having fun, but taking care of your feet and ankles is no laughing matter. So please, for the good of your feet and overall well-being, please take Skullard’s humble words to heart. Your tootsies will thank you.

And we finish up this episode with a double Random Encounter. Really? Double!?! What, is it your birthday or something? Look at you, making out like a bandit. Way to go, bud! You should get out there and buy a lotto ticket while you’re on a roll like this. Seriously. Just consider throwing a little of those winnings our way, since we gave you the idea. Go ahead, live a little! What could go wrong?

Next time you decide to rob a motel, make sure there isn’t a mixed martial arts convention going on. Just sayin’.

Are you walking down the street properly? Or are you some sort of moron? Find out in this week’s bonus educational short; The ABCs of Walking Wisely (1959)!