And if the weather isn’t bad enough, the Holiday Season is baring down upon us like that hormonal aberration in the fourth grade that would wait just outside the school to threaten you for your lunch money. He’s a copy write lawyer now, so nothing different there, and the holidays are just the same tired shit they’ve always been as well. We’ve been through it before and we’ll get through it again, this magical time of year. But maybe, at least for an hour or so, we can lighten your mental load with a big box of What Could Go Wrong? Consider it a short vacation in the middle of a long, long December.
Thieves! They’re everywhere! They’re stealing Santas, egg nog, toilet paper, and the dead. And the assault on asses continues with another botched butt enhancement (sorry, no pictures). And then there are the weird stories, like the guy who got himself shot right next to his own grave, proving it pays to plan ahead. Also planning ahead, one guy sends Christmas cards from the grave. And finally, somebody threw a rock into a Salvation Army kettle . . . a really nice, glittery rock.
The stink-pit that is the subject of this week’s Bad Movie Review is Scream Bloody Murder from 1973. Enjoy the story of how one boy with an Oedipus complex runs across some of the nicest, most pleasant people you’d ever want to meet. Oh, and then he kills their asses dead. That’s what you get for being nice. What begins as a P.S.A. about farm equipment safety eventually degenerates into a “One-Armed Bandit” version of Grand Theft Auto. Also, this Pretty Good Unintentionally Bad Movie marks the screen debut of Famous Amos (not really, but if you don’t watch this movie with some candy on hand, you’re going to want to go out and buy some).
Matthew surprises Vera by giving her her own palette knife;
The evil Matthew smothers an old lady in an epic battle! Then he threatens the life of a stupid dog.
And finally, Matthew just can’t understand why Vera doesn’t appreciate all the wonderful things he does for her. Sheesh!
Since we’re right in the middle of gift-buying season, Skullard decided to sound off after the fact and give you his Gift-Giving Guide. As a gift. No, you can’t return it for something better. This week’s Ramble doesn’t come with a receipt.
In this week’s educational short, young women learn to take better care of their bodies so they can remain attractive to men and healthy enough to bear children. Come on, girls. We know that’s all you really want. Please enjoy Girls Are Better Than Ever (1967)!
UPDATE: Follow us on Twitter! @WCGW That’s easy enough to remember, right?