120 Just Leave

120 Just LeaveHappy Easter. Jesus was married!?! According to recent archaeological findings, our Lord and Savior was some lady’s “Special Guy”. He was not only the Son of God, but the husband of Tracey. He had a mission to reconcile mankind to their Creator and a “Honey-Do” list. “How is it you work all week as a carpenter, but this table you promised to fix four months ago is still wobbly? And don’t think I’m going to be the one cleaning the wine stains out of the bathtub again. Just how does that happen anyway? I swear, your mother sure did a number on you. You walk around here like you’re Yaweh on earth, but you can barely keep your own feet washed. And speaking of that, who was that woman I saw you with? Oh don’t pretend you don’t know who I’m talking about. I’m talking about that whore who was crying all over your feet and wiping them with her hair. What have you been up to!?! Sure, you say you’re just going out with all your loser fishing buddies, but people keep saying they see you with tax collectors and hookers. Are we in some kind of financial trouble? And what’s with all this ‘suffer the little children to come unto me’ garbage? Just how many women have you been with? Christ! Yeah, I’m talking to you, mister!” And then, on the third day, the stone was rolled away from His tomb and Jesus rose from the dead. He appeared to his disciples who were in shock and disbelief, and to them He said, “All these things I have done so that man may know salvation. But don’t tell my wife, okay? Just give me a few days to enjoy this.”

Hello Kitty is oh so happy to show you our new What Could Go Wrong? business card. Coming soon to a restaurant fish bowl near you.

Take it from Mr. Murray, the debate coach who can’t speak a sentence and a half without looking down at his notes. Ray knew how to win speech tournaments and how to almost touch Marilyn’s boobs while standing too close. But when Marilyn wins the big contest, Ray’s compassionate dad makes him feel like some little girl’s bitch. Will sour-puss Ray learn the wisdom of the words, “You can win a lot of respect and inner strength by becoming a good loser”? Or will he figure out that’s bullshit. Find out in The Good Loser (1953).

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: When the Night of the Lepus comes, it’s time to fight fire with fire. Or fur with fur, as it were.