Some people are afraid of going to the dentist, and depending on the enamel-drilling psychopath you go to, that can be a reasonable fear. Other people are wigged out by spiders, the abundance of spiders, and the very real posibility that one could be lodged in your ear right this moment and what is that scratchy sensation, does anybody else hear that rustling sound? Snakes are a classic cause of fear, but once they bite you, what’s left to be scared about? Might as well bite the little fuckers back! Fear of flying is rapidly being replaced by a healthy fear of airports, which makes the term “Airport Security” our newest oxymoron. Of course, the ultimate fear we all deal with is the fear of death, but we avoid that by never talking about it or even bringing it up because we don’t have to considering all the marvelous distractions we surround ourselves with like TV, podcasts, the mail, and cell phones in the bathroom. What were we talking about? Doesn’t matter, nothing to be scared of here. What Could Go Wrong?

In 1984, a production company was at a crossroads. Due to poor management and a few tough breaks, Film Ventures International was on the skids. They needed a break, and the company president Edward L. Montaro knew that if they could make one blockbuster hit movie, the whole enterprise could be saved. And so they made Mutant, a film in which a chemical company in a backwoods, hick town turns the local yokels into puss-oozing zombies. Securing the services of the handsome *cough* Wings Houser as the intrepid hero, the film tells the harrowing tale of two brothers running afoul of everything from Southern stereotypes, monsters under the bed, evil scientists, undead school kids, and banana pudding. How could this movie miss? Suffice it to say that it did to the extent that Luka brands it a Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie, and that Mr. Montaro skipped town with the contents of the company safe and was never heard from again. Considering the man’s filmography, felony theft was the least of his crimes.

Help me, Wings Hauser! There’s something under the bed!!

BEHOLD! The most convincing monster transformation of all time…

“The Candy Lady” is a candy store in Albuquerque, NM that’s been supplying the set of Breaking Bad with it’s Blue Ice rock candy for several seasons. It’s better than the stuff Walter White makes, and only slightly less addictive. Feel free to order some before they’re shut down by the D.E.A.

Yet again, Sweetie has made another musical friend, and Skullard proves that he lacks all willpower when it comes to saying “No” to stringed instruments.

Remember, you filthy children, that when you’re sick the best course of action is to isolate yourself in your home. While you’re there, you can enjoy this week’s contagiously wonderful short; Sniffles and Sneezes (1955)!

Get your headphones on for this one, then knock on over to incompetech.com and hear some more of Kevin MacLeod’s amazing stuff!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: HERMOSA LABORATORIES “Where technology meets the sea.” Vanguard reseach and testing for potential bio-electrical uses of eels is one of the many efforts underway at Hermosa Laboratories. Never feel an eel without rubber gloves. (Wiser words were never spoken. – Skullard)

This episode is dedicated in loving memory of Andy McKonicle . . . or whatever that guy’s name is.