Tag Archives: a few moments of drama

058 It’s Always Billy

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Some people are afraid of going to the dentist, and depending on the enamel-drilling psychopath you go to, that can be a reasonable fear. Other people are wigged out by spiders, the abundance of spiders, and the very real posibility that one could be lodged in your ear right this moment and what is that scratchy sensation, does anybody else hear that rustling sound? Snakes are a classic cause of fear, but once they bite you, what’s left to be scared about? Might as well bite the little fuckers back! Fear of flying is rapidly being replaced by a healthy fear of airports, which makes the term “Airport Security” our newest oxymoron. Of course, the ultimate fear we all deal with is the fear of death, but we avoid that by never talking about it or even bringing it up because we don’t have to considering all the marvelous distractions we surround ourselves with like TV, podcasts, the mail, and cell phones in the bathroom. What were we talking about? Doesn’t matter, nothing to be scared of here. What Could Go Wrong?

In 1984, a production company was at a crossroads. Due to poor management and a few tough breaks, Film Ventures International was on the skids. They needed a break, and the company president Edward L. Montaro knew that if they could make one blockbuster hit movie, the whole enterprise could be saved. And so they made Mutant, a film in which a chemical company in a backwoods, hick town turns the local yokels into puss-oozing zombies. Securing the services of the handsome *cough* Wings Houser as the intrepid hero, the film tells the harrowing tale of two brothers running afoul of everything from Southern stereotypes, monsters under the bed, evil scientists, undead school kids, and banana pudding. How could this movie miss? Suffice it to say that it did to the extent that Luka brands it a Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie, and that Mr. Montaro skipped town with the contents of the company safe and was never heard from again. Considering the man’s filmography, felony theft was the least of his crimes.

Help me, Wings Hauser! There’s something under the bed!!

BEHOLD! The most convincing monster transformation of all time…

“The Candy Lady” is a candy store in Albuquerque, NM that’s been supplying the set of Breaking Bad with it’s Blue Ice rock candy for several seasons. It’s better than the stuff Walter White makes, and only slightly less addictive. Feel free to order some before they’re shut down by the D.E.A.

Yet again, Sweetie has made another musical friend, and Skullard proves that he lacks all willpower when it comes to saying “No” to stringed instruments.

Remember, you filthy children, that when you’re sick the best course of action is to isolate yourself in your home. While you’re there, you can enjoy this week’s contagiously wonderful short; Sniffles and Sneezes (1955)!

Get your headphones on for this one, then knock on over to incompetech.com and hear some more of Kevin MacLeod’s amazing stuff!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: HERMOSA LABORATORIES “Where technology meets the sea.” Vanguard reseach and testing for potential bio-electrical uses of eels is one of the many efforts underway at Hermosa Laboratories. Never feel an eel without rubber gloves. (Wiser words were never spoken. – Skullard)

This episode is dedicated in loving memory of Andy McKonicle . . . or whatever that guy’s name is.

044 Most Rum Indeed

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Ah, vacation time! Luka and Skullard have earned a full week away from toil at the button factory, and now they shall fill their days with play and relaxation. Or will they? Perhaps instead of jovial trips to the zoo, they will battle their animal-like neighbors for hallway domination. The plan is to take a drive to the Mall of America, but perhaps they’ll end up at the Canadian border fending off an incursion of rabid nutria. They’re hoping to catch a matinee of The Avengers, but who knows? Perhaps it is you, dear listener, who will be the one to avenge L&S after they are unjustly accused of grand larceny, criminal malfeasance, and reckless endangerment of a minor (long story . . . the kid had it coming). The simple truth is, anything could happen during this intended week of leisure to turn it into a flaming week of doom. We don’t expect flaming doom; we plan on fuzzy kittens, cupcakes, joyful singing and balloons! What Could Go Wrong?

Carnival of Souls is a 1962 horror classic. “Classic” in the sense that it’s old and a lot have people have seen it, like Skullard’s grandmother’s tits are “classic”. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to run out and recommend either to your friends. Luka’s Bad Movie Review gives this film two ratings: if it’s a horror film, it’s a Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie; if it’s an art film, it’s a Pretty Good Unintentionally Bad Movie. So how good it is depends on your intentions in watching, which can be said for Skullard’s grandmother as well. Skullard’s grandmother is not the lead actress in this movie, but if she was, you might care more about the story. This lady walks away from a car wreck and begins seeing apparitions. She also plays the pipe organ a lot. You can decide which prospect is scarier. She also becomes fixated on an abandoned dance hall, perhaps because just before the car she was in plummeted from the bridge into the muddy river water below, the Kinks “Come Dancing” was playing on the radio. Sadly, Carnival of Souls isn’t the kind of carnival where you can find over-priced food booths or rigged midway games, but you do end up coming away from this film feeling ripped off.

Ah, yes. Canival of Souls! It may sound like a rip-roaring metaphysical ride on the midway, but alas. It’s really not. On the plus side, though, it doesn’t contain a couple of thrilling scenes.
Such as when Mary and her friends drag race. Wow! Action!

Or when Mary plays the chruch organ. Brilliant! Sinful!

Why leave your child in the care of strangers, when there are grandparents to watch the kid? What Could Go Wrong, right?

Skullard turned 44 this last week, and in his view you can never have too much cake. Especially with this one.

Sweetie and Gao are tuning up Sweet Pea, Skullard’s super-cute mandolin.

In this week’s bonus educational short; Cheating (1952), we ask important questions. Is copying off someone’s test paper really worth getting caught? IS IT? Please tune in and discover the answer!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: on the flip-side, it reads, “Sponsored by the Non-Illusionist Society”. What, you think I’m going to be happier without my illusions? Are you nuts? If I could see the world clearly as it really is, I’d be hiding in my closet, rocking back and forth and sobbing, not happier. Let me have my fantasies, and I’ll let you go on believing that’s a sharp haircut you got there, buddy.

The nutria . . . ARE COMING!!!