022 A Shelf For My Shame

In this, our 22nd episode, we throw caution to the wind which promptly blows it back into our face so that’s the last time we do that. Lesson learned! From here on we’ll be more careful about the things we throw and what we throw them into. For example, we’ll avoid throwing parties at kids with birthdays, throwing fits at epilectics, throwing monkey wrenches into the works or throwing our backs out with the baby and that filthy water the little brat left behind. We reserve the right, however, to throw Mama from the train because we believe in public service. And we happily throw ourselves into this week’s podcast hoping someone will just as happily throw us a rope so we can climb back out again. Will you be our little helper? C’mon, man, throw us a bone.

The Poopcycle has completed its journey! Huzzah! You know how you can tell when the Poopcycle has been through your town? Just take a good sniff, my friend. But biogas tricycles aren’t the only thing on the highways. Daredevil crooks are heisting trucks at high speeds and Good Samaratans are having heart failure. Guys are punching dogs, biting like dogs, and hiding in piles of leaves like craven mutts. Cats didn’t distinguish themselves any better this week as one poor feline spent three days atop a 30 foot cactus only to finally jump down and stagger off into the desert, which is a dire sign indeed. More dire signs include teenagers sticking up other kids for their Halloween candy, Santa Claus getting laid off by budget cuts, and a man who “makes friends” for himself with mummified corpes and blonde wigs. Feel free to shudder. But there are still heroes in the world. Jay Wornick lost 198 pounds in ten months, proving that you can change your life if you are determined. Way to go, Jay! We don’t even know you, dude, but we’re proud of you.

This week’s Bad Movie Review comes from 1973, long before Saw made hacking off a limb trendy. The Severed Arm tells the tale of a group of jerk-ass miners who get stuck in a cave in. After a week of sitting around, chewing the fat, maybe it’s time to nibble on a little lean for a change. They hack off a buddy’s arm, pass the salt and tuck in, but no sooner are they flossing their friend from between their incisors when the rescuers arrive. Turns out, Lefty is bit pissed after that, and he swears revenge. What follows is a Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie full of revenge against former coworkers, which for once doesn’t involve a postal employee.

Ever wonder what Skullard does for a hobby? Really? You’re that bored? Anyway, it turns out he collects postcards and various resentments towards his mother, only one of which he keeps in a box. The other goes into a Mary Englebricht tin.

Hero of the Week: Jay Wornick – Before and after. Yes, it can be done.

Though most of our listeners are sad, lonely weirdos, there is a possibility that one of you will someday go on a date. But wait! What the hell should a person do on a date? Ride a bike? Dance in barn? Pull some taffy? Decorate a fucking room? For more excellent suggestions such as this, please observe this week’s educational short; What To Do On A Date (1950).

New Feature! Here’s a postcard from Skullard’s collection: How long will Bent Billy wait?

9 thoughts on “022 A Shelf For My Shame

  1. There is a difference when you are absent? Well, nothing apparently that a big ol’ rock wouldn’t solve…

  2. Loved the Twilight zone themed WCGW?s
    Episode 23 is an enigma
    “It would be a little weird if everyone was driving around without pants”. Unless it was in Moldavia.
    Wanna buy a TV? It fell off the back of a truck in the Ukraine. I helped it a little.
    Thorns Nyan, So many thorns…..
    Good thing they had thermal imaging instead of how they use to do it. Release the hounds!
    Drop by the Justice Center for a meet and greet with the Justice League and a special concert by Jazz pianist Felonious Assault (Um, can I use that character name? )
    Okay, If your election official is a Midget Rover………
    “Now were all the corpses girls or was he cross dressing some dudes? ‘Cause that’s very important.”
    He cut off her legs! (rimshot!)
    Good for you Jay, you’re half the man you used to be!
    Mugged for candy? Times are tough all over.
    Santa is a homicide detective? I smell a Development Deal! Ideally to air right after “G.P. and the Fergs”.
    Babylon New York? That place needs a hotel casino.
    “There’s a lot of fat old men in every town that you can put into a Santa suit”, and a lot you shouldn’t.
    Santa is one of the 99% (Santa size me! Ha Doug Benson is hilarious!)
    Doo Doo Da DooDoo Monomony
    One good Samaritan Begets another good Samaritan
    Psycho Nachos!
    Hi Ho Hi Ho miners mining their own business. Inevitably the cannibalism talk comes up. ( Remember that Steven King short story where the surgeon/drug smuggler amputates and eats his own limbs? The last arm is the really tricky one.)
    Burp, Think of the headlines!
    “He invites them over for soup”? Ha!
    I did what anyone would have done, nom nom nyom…
    Ha ha, the lifeboat sketch!
    “See how the new dress seems to stimulate Joan’s love for Mother…”
    If I could make a living painting little girl versions of Skullard I would too.
    My pastor sent me a postcard that said Where the F v < !< were you last week ? Little Timmy had to see saw alone and we don’t want to see or saw that ever again.
    “Collecting is being selfish with a box”.
    Not so much a collection as my inability to throw shit away. Ha! I had forgotten that you collected all of those whopper cartons.
    Calling it collecting, or dating !
    A box full of regrets with a creepy picture of me as a little girl on it….
    What’s the trouble with Jim, his throat isn’t very red ,but his eyes look Queer…
    The postcard is just a scan. You can’t actually have it. Phque!
    I don’t do things, or stuff. If I’ve built any kind of a reputation at all it is that of a completely slack bastard. I have a slack bastard certificate in my box of regrets with a creepy picture of blah blah blah….
    Did you punch that dog, or shoot it for it’s candy?
    In the clip from Flesh Feast, I was glad to see that they sterilized the blade with a pocket lighter before they sawed the guys arm off.
    What to do on a date circa 1950. You can do almost anything, because your chance of getting laid by a swell girl like Kay is virtually nil.
    Another great show you two! I’m very curious Fnord about episode 23. Agents visited my house, but I only recalled that under hypnosis. They said much, but not all, would be revealed, but not about what. I’m pretty confused.

    • Oh, wait . . . THERE’S all those punchlines I was looking for! Lawd, if this podcast had anything worth knowing in it, you’d be a scholar. And by the way, I earned a Slack Bastard Certificate myself, but I never got around to picking it up.

      • Great show Pal! I know I keep saying it, but the Commentaries are great! I am laughing all the way through while at the same time being envious of your ability to turn a phrase like it was on a lathe. (See, my attempt sounds clunky instead of lyrical .) Have you thought of a segment title? The Beat coffeehouse/ Raymond Chandler Novel flavor is fun!

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