Tag Archives: fat man

061 Plucky

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If there’s one word that describes us, it’s plucky. We’ve got spunk, we do! No matter what the difficulties or dangers, we sally forth and soldier on. Our gritty determination has seen us through countless trials and travails, emerging through the mists of woe with spirited grins on our feisty faces. No challenge can match our bold ganbatte attitude. “We are never give up!” as the song says. There is nothing . . . NOTHING that can hold us down!

Except maybe a cold. That’s a bit much. Geez, cut us a little slack, would ya?

2003’s Love Object is not a bad little creep-out if you enjoy a bit of depraved nebbish in your psycho-killer. Poor Kenneth is such a dweeb. How’s a dweeb-cicle like him ever going to get a date? Here’s an idea: save all the money that isn’t spent on romantic dinners, weekend getaways, flowers, candy and all that other stuff and spend it all at once to buy an anatomically accurate silicone sex doll. Now we’re talkin’! Nikki the Doll doesn’t care if Kenneth is a dweeb, just so long as he dresses her nice and uses a good antiseptic to wipe her down afterwards. But wait, what if spending time with Nikki improves Kenneth’s confidence and he isn’t such a dweeb anymore? What if Kenneth was only practicing on Nikki so that he could get together with Lisa? Nikki doesn’t like that. No, Nikki doesn’t like that at all. Maybe Nikki wants her dweeb back and will do anything to keep him all to her ball-jointed self. Luka, quite the doll herself, gives this dating sim a Good Unintentionally Bad Movie rating. Here’s a quick look:

What makes Love Object such a creepy flick is that RealDolls actually exist! Google it if you want, but don’t do it at work. Rip Torn might kick your ass.

Mark Wayne Williams, the Batman of Petoskey, in all his costumed glory. There are plenty of pictures available of the man behind the cowl, but let’s just remember him this way, shall we?

Yes, by gawd, there IS a Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve being heavily guarded somewhere in Quebec. Rest assured.

Red Dwarf X: The Boys from the Dwarf are back, baby!

Elementary: “Ooo, my dear Watson!”

Brickleberry: It lost us right after the Parkinsons/handjob joke. No, we didn’t make that up.

Last Resort: this show should only be watched as one.

Revolution: A thinly veiled NRA wet dream without a single character to cheer for. So, what, we cheer for the guns?

The Mob Doctor: “Feeling plucky, punk?”

How should one behave on a date? Where should you go? What kind of fun should you have? At the end of the evening, should you shake a girl’s hand, ignore her completely, or lunge at her lustfully? Please find the answers by viewing this week’s educational short: Dating Dos and Don’ts (1949)!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Remember back in the old days before Match.com and RealDolls? How did anyone find that perfect person before the internet connected far-flung souls? There were plenty of matchmakers and dating services, not to mention well-intentioned friends that could arrange blind dates. Did any of these things work? Well, let’s see: take a look at your parents. They happy? Y’know what, I’ll stick with the internet, thank you.

And, for no reason at all, plucky duckies!

046 All You Can Eat

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Are you hungry, dear listener? Well, sit right down! How about a plate of fried fish? Or maybe a crunchy bag of tortillias? Perhaps a nice shiny diamond? Nah… we know what you have a taste for. You’d like a big, heaping helping of What Could Go Wrong! We’ve got all you can eat!

This week in the news, an old man would rather die than pay his bill at a strip club, a couple of thieves leave behind some odd evidence at crimes scenes while another chooses to conceal evidence in his own stomach. A pot-happy Walmart customer is attacked by a snake, a crashed truck full of yogurt spills all over, and Canadian children are denied the chance to view a rather enlightening museum exhibit. Also, city trash collectors prove to be kind and helpful, a loud-mouthed fatty loudly proclaims his greed outside a restaurant, and an old man and a tree end their beautiful friendship on a happy note.

Mirrors came out in 2008 to give Keifer Sutherland a bit of a break from playing Jack Bauer after seven consecutive seasons of 24 in a row. If only he would have taken that break. Fans of 24 received more of the same as Keifer ranted, yelled, shot, threatened and chewed the scenery in a very Jacky manner. Sutherland plays Ben Carson, a down on his luck ex-cop who has to protect his children, his wife and her boobs from supernatural threats from the other side of the looking glass. He thrashes around, cries, scares his young children, vandalizes, brow-beats polite hillbillies, points his gun at a nun and this is our hero? What’s with all the aggression, man? Everybody is so helpful to this guy and he’s just so rude. But even with such a distinct lack of manners, Luka’s Bad Movie Review scores this cookie-cutter spook-romp a Pretty Good Unintentionally Bad Movie. It might have scored better if the guy who played the “Chloe” part hadn’t been such a milquetoast schmuck.

Bill Wisth is a 6’6″, 350lb asshole. When this fat fucker wasn’t full after twenty pieces of fish, he was cut off due to the fact that the restaurant (as well as the ocean) was running out of seafood. Enraged by this, Bill heaved his hefty frame off the chair and into the parking-lot with a poorly made protest sign. We suspect that he’ll take a bite out of it eventually.

Frank Knight and “Herbie”, now together forever. Yes, we can do sweet stories too.
(AP/Steven Senne, File)

Alchemy Divine is an Etsy shop with beautiful handmade jewelry and snazzy cool things. Click this link and check ’em out! You’ll be surprised at what you find.

Remember kids, proper hygiene is important! That’s why your hideous Fairy Godmother is going to teach you Care of the Hair And Nails (1951).

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: A compelling ad for “Big Daddy’s Drive In”, where they specialize in take-out orders, tray service to your car, turning fries into charcoal, chicken skin, using pickles for garnish and trying to pass off a hamburger bun as garlic bread. Mmmm! And don’t forget the Fry-Day Nite Fish Fry. All you can eat, unless you’re a 6′ 6″, 350 lbs deadbeat that doesn’t even realize he’s the town’s charity case. Chow down!