068 There’s A Hole

This just in: There’s a speck on the flea on the tail on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea. Our crack team of experts are on location, braving the myriad dangers of deep sea exploration, trying to determine if there may be something on the speck. Meanwhile, a noted zoologist from Oslo has put forward the theory that the frog may not be a frog at all considering it’s able to withstand the immense, crushing pressure of the sea bottom, not to mention it has a fucking tail. A Mrs. Helen Torquette of Gorsen, KY claims the log is actually hers and was stolen some months ago by, in her words, “Them transients what park their RVs up the road next to Neta’s place. Never did trust the likes of them, and now they done took my log.” Deputy Alan Morse disputes Mrs. Torquette’s claim, stating, “Helen’s a damn nut. She’s still got her log. It’s propping up her husband Gary’s El Camino in their front yard. I doubt she’s missing any of her fleas either.” And Rev. Enoch Terse, pastor of the First Evangelical Free Congregational Four Cornered Church of the Fucked, has started an online petition to halt any removal of the log from the hole. “Dat log was put there by God Hisself!” explains Rev. Terse. “What God chooses ta plug up da sea with, man should never go and unplug. Can I get an AMEN? And what’s gonna happen iffin’ man, with his science and his pride, goes an’ unplugs the ocean? The sea, it’s gonna drain away! All the fishes is gonna go down the hole! We ain’t gonna got no sea, and we ain’t gonna got no fishes, and God’s blue ocean is gonna be gone! And what’s man gonna say? Is the science man gonna take responsibility that there ain’t no fish no more? No! He’s gonna say it’s global warmin’, the Devil’s own lie! We can’t let that happen, AMEN? Are we gonna let them touch one speck on one flea on one tail on one frog on one bump of that log? Great God Almighty, no!”

What Could Go Wrong? will continue to follow this story as it develops.

Luka gives two thumbs (and hooves) up to this week’s Good Intentionally Bad Movie, Black Sheep (2006). Have you ever wondered who would win the battle if sheep decided to turn on mankind? Find out, stupid! You can start by watching this exciting trailer:

Dazzling the stage with his prissy transformation comes Star Driver‘s Galactic Pretty Boy! Beware, or he’ll tjuzs you to death!

Minnesota’s Moon Rocks encased in a lucite globe. How the blazes do you lose MOON ROCKS, you entitled bitches!?!

In this week’s helpful educational short, a rotten kid and his scumbag friends throw rocks through windows. Was that a good thing to do, or a bad thing to do? Should the culprits be punished, or should their parents and pastors protect them from the consequences or their idiotic actions? You’ll be on the edge of your seat for Right or Wrong (1951)!

Once again, Kevin MacLeod provides the perfect soundtrack. Planning on a friendly bit of safe cracking or second-story work? Hit play, think sneaky, and get busy.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Want to take a stab at challenging Luka’s mad skills on Hello Kitty’s Cafe? I suggest you start training now with this informative correspondence course. Buster, you’re going to need all the help you can get.