Grab your moth-eaten top hats and bindles and get ready to ride the rails! It’s National Hobo Week! It’s also Intimate Apparel Week. Should we put the hobos in lingerie? Hmmm. If that doesn’t appeal to you, then why not take your children to the Zoo to pet tigers? Are they too scared? Then how about giving them a shovel so they can dig up worms and firearms in your backyard? Oh, fine. Then go ahead and send your kids to summer camp where it’s nice and safe. Meanwhile, you can stop by the local car wash for your bi-yearly tooth cleaning. What could go wrong?
NBC’s newest horror-drama will be airing in October and starring a rather familiar character. What do you think, Skullard? Does it look good, or will it… suck?
Remember the Noid? Not only would this disgusting little goblin make your cheese sticky and your pizza cold, but he had toys and video games in his honor. The first one was for the Commodore 64, so you know it was super good.
Don’t worry, not all pizza delivery is scary news. Domino’s Pizza will go to great lengths to please you. Just look at this cute napkin love note they sent us with our free apology pizza and lava cakes! Thank you, Domino’s!
BEHOLD! The mighty ant! Ants are stronger, smarter, faster and better than any other living thing on earth. Especially YOU.
Impressed by how cool ants are? You should be. Now why not learn how to murder them? Please enjoy this week’s educational short, Goodbye Mrs. Ant (1959)!
Danganropa – The Animation is the anime Skullard keeps calling “Highschool of Dispair” but which highschool isn’t, really? Sure, the school you attended didn’t force you to murder your classmates and execute you horribly if you couldn’t get away with it . . . but you had gym, right? Pep rallies? What they called a salad bar? If our principal had been a sociopathic stuffed bear, we couldn’t have told the difference.
From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: What are people saying behind your back? Are they whispering about you? Are they sneaking into your apartment at night and looking around? Are they insinuating that you will ruin their pizzas? ARE THEY?
According to the neighbors, What Could Go Wrong? was always a quiet, polite podcast. Never said much, just kept to themselves, never caused any trouble. Sure, they got a lot of boxes delivered, but no one paid much attention to that. And they rarely left the appartment. Coworkers said pretty much the same, only adding that sometimes WCGW seemed distracted. Looking back, some recalled a vacant, faraway gaze, often accompanied by soundless, moving lips that seemed to be speaking to someone that wasn’t there. WCGW seemed a little awkward in direct discussions and wouldn’t meet the eye. Some other podcasts called WCGW a loner, a bit of a recluse, but WCGW didn’t care what the other podcasts said or thought. WCGW had a plan. WCGW could be patient. WCGW could bide it’s time and wait for the perfect moment . . . the moment when no one suspected a thing. And then, when the rest of the cruel, uncaring world had it’s guard down What Could Go Wrong? struck, swiftly and decisively. They put out . . . ANOTHER EPISODE! Because, really, might as well, right? What could go wrong?
Here’s a fuzzy picture taken on the sly of the Maine Mall Santa of South Portland. He doesn’t allow pictures unless you pony up the $20. Nor does he allow lap sitting. As for the holiday wishes of children, we believe his quote was, “Yeah, yeah . . . whatever.” Merry fuckin’ Christmas.
Jared Gurman shot his girlfriend because she thought The Walking Dead was unrealistic. Is anyone going to take shots at us, because we think the idea of this man having a girlfriend is unrealistic?
Princess Mette-Marit of Norway: it’s always gratifying to find out that one of the “Beautiful People” is actually a beautiful person.
All the pretty Kitties wonder how Amazon gets off calling this “gift wrapping”.
Alchemy Divine is an Etsy shop with beautiful handmade jewelry and snazzy cool things. Click this link and check ’em out! You’ll be surprised at what you find.
Kevin MacLeod of incompetec.com gives you some fine music to stroll by. Not “stroll by” in the sense you walk past it, but, y’know, music for strolling. Too much in a hurry to stroll? Who’s fault is that?
Are you the kind of asshole who would steal a baby Jesus and give some poor kid an American Football that she didn’t even want? Will you steal from the Salvation Army? Will you report prostitutes to the police for not blowing you long enough? Find out in this week’s enlightening educational short; Am I Trustworthy (1950)!
From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: This week’s special guest star was God’s favorite son, Jesus. Here’s a guy who’s done it all: carpentry, social work, public speaking, health care, donkey theft, catering, sailing without a boat, exorcism, bank reform, day care, wine making, fortune telling and transfiguration. And yet he still finds the time to direct traffic for hipsters. All in all, not a bad guy.
This just in: There’s a speck on the flea on the tail on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea. Our crack team of experts are on location, braving the myriad dangers of deep sea exploration, trying to determine if there may be something on the speck. Meanwhile, a noted zoologist from Oslo has put forward the theory that the frog may not be a frog at all considering it’s able to withstand the immense, crushing pressure of the sea bottom, not to mention it has a fucking tail. A Mrs. Helen Torquette of Gorsen, KY claims the log is actually hers and was stolen some months ago by, in her words, “Them transients what park their RVs up the road next to Neta’s place. Never did trust the likes of them, and now they done took my log.” Deputy Alan Morse disputes Mrs. Torquette’s claim, stating, “Helen’s a damn nut. She’s still got her log. It’s propping up her husband Gary’s El Camino in their front yard. I doubt she’s missing any of her fleas either.” And Rev. Enoch Terse, pastor of the First Evangelical Free Congregational Four Cornered Church of the Fucked, has started an online petition to halt any removal of the log from the hole. “Dat log was put there by God Hisself!” explains Rev. Terse. “What God chooses ta plug up da sea with, man should never go and unplug. Can I get an AMEN? And what’s gonna happen iffin’ man, with his science and his pride, goes an’ unplugs the ocean? The sea, it’s gonna drain away! All the fishes is gonna go down the hole! We ain’t gonna got no sea, and we ain’t gonna got no fishes, and God’s blue ocean is gonna be gone! And what’s man gonna say? Is the science man gonna take responsibility that there ain’t no fish no more? No! He’s gonna say it’s global warmin’, the Devil’s own lie! We can’t let that happen, AMEN? Are we gonna let them touch one speck on one flea on one tail on one frog on one bump of that log? Great God Almighty, no!”
What Could Go Wrong? will continue to follow this story as it develops.
Luka gives two thumbs (and hooves) up to this week’s Good Intentionally Bad Movie, Black Sheep (2006). Have you ever wondered who would win the battle if sheep decided to turn on mankind? Find out, stupid! You can start by watching this exciting trailer:
Dazzling the stage with his prissy transformation comes Star Driver‘s Galactic Pretty Boy! Beware, or he’ll tjuzs you to death!
Minnesota’s Moon Rocks encased in a lucite globe. How the blazes do you lose MOON ROCKS, you entitled bitches!?!
In this week’s helpful educational short, a rotten kid and his scumbag friends throw rocks through windows. Was that a good thing to do, or a bad thing to do? Should the culprits be punished, or should their parents and pastors protect them from the consequences or their idiotic actions? You’ll be on the edge of your seat for Right or Wrong (1951)!
Once again, Kevin MacLeod provides the perfect soundtrack. Planning on a friendly bit of safe cracking or second-story work? Hit play, think sneaky, and get busy.
From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Want to take a stab at challenging Luka’s mad skills on Hello Kitty’s Cafe? I suggest you start training now with this informative correspondence course. Buster, you’re going to need all the help you can get.
With this installment of What Could Go Wrong?, we now have as many episodes as Heinz has varieties, which to us is significant. More significant, though, is the fact that you can still go back and listen to past episodes and sample their savory goodness, whereas with a certain condiment manufactuer, you can try the ketchup, mustard, some kind of steaky-saucey stuff, and then what? Where are the other 54 varieties Heinz? What have you done with them? Are they secreted away in shame, shambling about a cellar somewhere like some Boo Radley sandwich spread? Or are they kept out of the hands of the general public, reserved only for the flavorful enjoyment of the wealthy elite? What, are some of these condiments tailor made for the enhancement of certain endangered species a la The Freshman? Is that it? Are you merely using the majority of your condiments to curry favor with your friends in the one percent Heinz? How dare you! We common folk should have the same opportunities to dip our fries in your foie gras kicker paste or squirt Grey Wolf Poupon onto our hot dogs from a squeeze bottle as those hoity-toidy bastards at your country club/inner circle/coven/baby-eatery. And what condiment goes best with braised baby? I bet you know, don’t you Heinz? Although, wouldn’t that be funny if it turned out to be just mustard?
This week’s Bad Movie Review scrutinizes one of William Castle’s lesser-known but better acted gimmick films Homicidal (1961). It kicks off with a weird seduction of a bell-boy, a murder of a Justice of the Peace and a high-speed car chase sort of. You think, “Wow, this movie’s all action packed!” But then it settles down into some mere elder abuse (always entertaining) and the vandalism of a flower shop where the flowers never did nuthin ta nobody. Slick guys with goofy teeth and crazy blondes with sharp knives can’t be trusted, but how can we be expected to take the word of a woman named “Merriam Webster” fer chissakes? Luckily, this film gives you a chance to bail if you can’t take the mental pressure any longer. But be warned: if you take advantage of the “Fright Break”, you’ll miss the sight of granny going bowling! According to Luka, this is a Good Unintentionally Bad Movie with a shock-ingu twist that even Skullard didn’t see coming because he was tired.
Ya wanna see the big spoiler from Homicidal? Click right here, and get yourself out of the “Coward’s Corner”.
The True-to-life Walter White lacks quite a bit of Bryan Cranston’s charm. And facial symmetry. And apparently hygiene.
Grimm is back! We’re thrilled! Wanna catch up for Season Two? Here’s Season One in a nice little nutshell.
We also talked this week about an ultra-voilent, hyper-kenetic comedy from IFC called Bullet in the Face. Here’s a taste:
Alchemy Divine is an Etsy shop with beautiful handmade jewelry and snazzy cool things. Click this link and check ’em out! You’ll be surprised at what you find.
Hey, everyone! Don’t you want to live together safely and happily in social harmony? Then you’d better shut up and form a civic association! Please learn how by viewing this week’s educational short: Law and Social Controls (1949)!
From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: “Maison Marcel – Serving the most disciminating woman in the Nation’s Capital for half a century. Widest collection of real hair wigs, custom-made and ready-to-wear. Internationally renowned staff of creative hairstylists.” “It’s my favorite wig!” – Warren
Skullard took this picture on a dirt road on his delivery route. In the back woods, the bears and moose need to be warned.
This may well go down in the archives as “The Infectious Episode”. We started off the show with Skullard being all croaky and phlegm-infused, and by the time we wrap it all up, he’s in dire need of a vaporizer and a towel over his head. As it turns out, podcasting is all we got done that day as our plague-ridden Skullard passed out on the tiles afterwards, a viscous pool of snot spreading from his over-active sinuses. Gross as that was, the slippery nasal discharge made it easier for Luka to drag her wretched husband to his nest for rest and restoration. By the end of the day, poor Luka was feeling the tell-tale tickle at the back of her throat signifying that her beloved had shared more with her than Cadburry Eggs, clever insights and loving glances. Both of our podcast hosts have fallen prey to the insidious bug, but you, dear listener, are safe. The common cold can’t be shared via MP3 files, and iTunes has suprisingly good virus protections set up for its users. Still, we’d be pleased if this podcast did become contagious, getting passed from listener to listener, spreading across the internet and polluting the vulnerable brains of podcast lovers everywhere. If somewhere deep in your psyche you’ve always wanted to be a Typhoid Mary or Larry, now’s your chance! Share the disease that is What Could Go Wrong? with someone you know and tolerate. Spread the infection.
Luka’s Bad Movie Review covered one of 1987’s greatest crimes against both cinema and nature: Slugs! Leaving an icky trail across countless VHS machines in the 80’s, this Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie took one of the least threatening garden pests and turned it into a menace of near Jaws-like proportions. And rather than killing off the aggressive gastropods by filling kiddie pools with beer, the protagonists decide to deal with the slimey scourge by blowing up the goddamn sewers. What Could Go Wrong?
This young lady was booted out of school for having cool hair, but was allowed back in after the ACLU reminded everyone that pink follicles are constitutionally protected. School administrators were shocked that no one cared about the color of the sticks up their butts.
Victorian Romance Emma is the perfect antidote for your Post Downton Abby Depression. Does life have no meaning now that Matthew and Mary are together? Well now you can enjoy the emotional angst all over again as the son of a merchant family falls for a common house maid. C’mon, you know you love this kinda stuff!
From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Amazingly, we don’t have a postcard of slugs, but here’s two snails in . . . um . . . *ahem* . . . shall we say, an intimate exercise.
In this week’s thrilling educational short, a question which has plagued mankind for centuries is finally answered. Does our diet affect our health?! Of course it does, stupid! Please enjoyEat For Health (1954);
Merry Christmas, podcast listeners! Happy Hanukkah! Have a wonderful Kwanzaa! And an excellent Yule! Enjoy the Winter Solstice! Have a fun Boxing Day! And a great Festivus! Also please enjoy Pepper Pot Day, Bicarbonate of Soda Day and Life Day, should you find yourself on the Wookie homeworld! Seriously. We’re not making this shit up. Even the Jedi have their own holiday now. But regardless of your holiday of choice, this episode is our seasonal gift to you. So get comfy, preferably by the crackling fire, grab your cookies and your nog (what?), and enjoy A Very Special What Could Go Wrong?
DO NOT MISS THIS! Go to our Facebook page to see a bonus, musical Christmas video starring Luka and Skullard! And “Like” us while you’re there. Why the hell not, right? We’d “Like” you, if you were us. Sure we would. Why would we lie?
Holy Christ! (we exclaim reverently) What a packed podcast we have for you! The news gets us right into the holiday spirit with reindeer, letters to Santa, displays of Christmas lights, and chicks in bikinis. Two little children write letters to the Fat Man, and their wishes come true. And what does Santa do after a job well done? He sits back and sucks on a hookah, that’s what. The Post Office delivers a package on time for Christmas, albeit the next Christmas. And a “Piece of Chillief” sends all the municipal workers in his town his Christmas wish for them to have “incredible sexual relations.” So say we all.
Jack Frost (1996) is must-see crap your holiday season, and it’s the target for this week in Luka’s Bad Movie Review. In this Intentionally Good Bad Movie, a serial killer turns into a snowman, like they do. No sooner can you say “Happy Birthday” than he rolls into a small town and exacts his revenge on the Sheriff, his family, and anyone else dumb enough to play in the snow. This is a pun-tastic kill-fest filled with the silly kind of bloodshed that makes you shake your head, roll your eyes, and laugh at the mindless slaughter. And, after a certain nude bathing scene, you’ll never look at a carrot the same way again.
Sometimes people mean to get you a present for the holidays, but something happens, and you end up empty handed. No big deal, shit happens. Sometimes people never intend to get you a present, but they want you to think that they did, so you end up empty handed with the bonus of an excuse. So what’s more insulting: the fact that they didn’t want to give you a gift, or that they think you’re so stupid that you’ll believe their bullshit. Luka unearths some classic bullshit from “friends” who would rather lie than spend a couple of bucks.
The Anime Lyrics Game returns with a special Christmas round! Will Skullard be able to tell what’s false and what’s real? Here’s a hint: he still believes in Santa.
Finally, there’s a war out there, dear listeners. It’s a war on Christmas, and everyone’s favorite holiday is at risk. Or is it? Skullard’s Ramble this week will either ease your mind or get him shot. Either way, he’s not going to be welcome back home if his mother hears this.
What Could Go Wrong? was pre-recorded in front of a live (?) studio audience.
Behold! The rusty bottlecap holiday snake of TERROR!
From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: I’m not sure what this means, but my best guess is that it involves your father giving you directions while wearing sheepskins. All of which sounds very festive to me.
In this week’s bonus educational short, two babbling children make a wish to visit Santa’s workshop. How wonderful! Santa’s helicopter arrives and takes them to the “North Pole”, which happens to look a lot like a dingy local mall. Feast your eyes on A Visit to Santa (1963)!
Next to Easter, Halloween is the best holiday for candy. Sure, you can get a good variety of goodies in your Halloween swag sack, but you can’t get any Cadbury Cream Eggs. The Peeps people have come out with Ghost Peeps and Pumpkin Peeps, so just because it isn’t Easter doesn’t mean there’s a shortage of Peeps. But you have to wait on the Cream Eggs. Plus, you don’t see many jellybeans in October. They’re around, but they aren’t given out at your neighbor’s doorstep. You’re more likely to get either a Tootsie Roll that’ll break your teeth or a “Fun Size” candy bar. And who decided to call the smallest candy bars “Fun Size”? The bigger candy bars are “King Size”, and we’ve even seen some extra large Milky Way that have been promoted to “Giant”. So what is it about a candy bar that’s way less than the amount that you’d normally get “Fun”? Who’s idea was it that smaller meant “Fun”? We’re guessing it was a dude with compensation issues.
Cheap-ass dentists and truckers with unstable loads try and ruin Halloween for everybody in the news this week. Come to think of it, “unstable” could refer to quite a few of the stars from our feature stories. Managers from a pizza place try to burn down the competition. A game of Monopoly inspires the kind of violence usually reserved for religion. One guy tries to cover with his girlfriend by calling the cops on his mistress. And then we have the getaways. A skank tries to outrun the coppers wearing a G-string and a off-duty fuzz tries to ditch one that’s on-duty. Another guy tries to make his getaway on a forklift but can’t find reverse. As it turns out, the most effective way to elude the police is to hop some high school kid for a piggy-back ride. Then there’s those guys who aren’t evading anyone, what with being stuck and all. At least the guillotine isn’t stuck. That little piece of equipment is working a little too well.
This being the holiday for horror, Luka had to come up with the most horrifying film she could find for the Bad Movie Review. And so we present The Refrigerator (1991), a tale of a cold hearted killer who puts all who oppose him on ice. This is a villian so insidious that he’s willing to pay for the loyalty of his underlings with the ultimate currency: cheese. Will an out of work actress, a flaminco dancing plumber, Mysterious Tanya and some random guy be enough to stop this blood-thirsty, freyon-fueled hell-portal before it’s too late? Don’t forget your baking soda!
High School of the Dead is an anime that wants to focus on two very important things. We’re talking about the things in the front of every school girl’s blouse. But every so often, between the wiggle and its subsequent jiggle, you might just notice that there’s a Zombie Apocalypse going on. How the hell are we supposed to score with these babes with all these flesh-eating undead shambling around, killing the mood. And the neighbors. And the cops. And whatever pets are handy. Man, being a pervy kid sure is tough these days.
Hey, why don’t you leave us a comment that isn’t spam. We’ve had enough spam. We’ve gotten so much spam, we’re starting to read it on the show. At least, we’re pretty sure it’s spam. Not all that sure it’s English, truth to tell.
So, if you’re wondering how the closing for the show was supposed to go, here’s the original text:
Well, it’s time for us to end our podcast. But before we go, we want to offer our usual thanks. First, a big thank you to Kevin McLeod for providing us with our introductory music. It’s also the music we use at the end of the show. You can listen to Kevin’s music at incompetec.com. And, as always, thank you to Myk Lewis, who always makes thoughtful, understandable comments on our webpage.
If you would like to leave us a comment, or view our bonus content, please visit us at whatcouldgowrongpodcast.com. And this week’s educational short is A Word To The Wives, in which women learn how to manipulate their husbands into paying for new kitchens. Don’t miss it!
We hope all our wonderful listeners have a safe and happy Halloween. Be careful! When people in costumes come to your front door asking for treats, make sure that they are children looking for candy and not homicidal butt-fuckers.
Stay safe and have fun. We’ll see you next week. Unless, of course, something goes wrong.
Personally, I can’t really see that much of a difference. Six of one, the opposed given a half grouping.
High School of the Dead – Zombies and Tits, Zombies and Tits, I’m gonna get me some Zombies and Tits!
Petey – The runaway dog that was sent back home through the magic of microchipping!
Hey Stumpy! What the hell were ya tryin’ to do!?!
In this week’s bonus educational short, sneaky housewives trick their incompetent husbands into buying them designer kitchens. Please enjoy A Word to the Wives (1955)!
Mocking John Hughes and New Mexican cities,
Capsules of foam shapes and cute “Skello Kitties”,
Dirty commercials about chicken wings,
These are a few of our favorite things.
Feeling well and lookin’ swell, we jump back behind the microphones with vim, vigor and vitality. Guess who’s been taking their vitamins. What Could Go Wrong? has come back from the brink of the sniffles to deliver a full-throated, well-seasoned and somewhat pre-planned podcast episode. I know you were worried after last week that our colds might in some way rob us of our mojo. Not to worry! We can whip up more mojo quicker than most people can deliver instant pudding, and we do it in a wider variety of flavors as well. Take that Jell-O tm!
What would you do if we weren’t here to tell you all (well, some) of the previous week’s stupid news? Don’t think about that question too hard. Sorry I brought it up, actually. But still, ain’t ya glad ya heard all the garbage we read about this week? More thieves getting caught because of Facebook and potheads busted on Craigslist. Cheating athletes, cheating pastors and a man so scared his partner is cheating on him, he calls in a bomb threat. Smugglers weaponize bee hives (seriously, when’s the last time you read those words?). And old people unknowingly get stoned at a funeral. While on the subject of stoners, Luka and Skullard reminisce about “Bogart’s Pizza”, the most obvious drug front ever busted in the Great White North.
Eaten Alive (1977) makes a surprise appearance in this week’s Bad Movie Review, which is almost as big of a surprise that it got made at all. Meet Judd, the friendly small town inn-keep who’s down home charm and crates of dead monkeys brings the runaway hookers and abused spouses into his motel in droves. And a handy combination of farm implements and La Crocodile de la Mort makes sure that once they check in, they don’t check out. You can always trust a one-legged hillbilly motel manager to make sound judgments on the character of his guests and act accordingly. What could go wrong?
Hell Girl is one of the top anime favorites of both Skullard and Luka, and it’s a privilege to talk about it. Beautiful and creepy, this show delivers episode after episode of solid vengeance and retribution . . . but at a steep price. Would you be willing to trade your eternal soul for instant revenge on your enemy? Hell Girl lets you meet the people ready to take that deal, and the strange figures who are able to make that trade happen.
This week’s random encounter is a bit shocking, I must warn you. Luka gets asked about her most intimate sexual fantasies. Her answer may well shock you.
And finally, this is our first week with our brand new sponsor! Do yourself a favor and dig in to extra helpings of this fine and wholesome product.
Hell Girl – Spooky, lovely vengence.
You know that stupid guy everyone hates? Let’s teach him some fucking manners! Helping Johnny Remember (1956) puts kids in their damn place and teaches everyone else some helpful hand signals.
Hey Podcast Listeners! In many ways, this week’s episode is a tribute to mankind’s ingenuity and inventiveness. In a few ways, at least. To be fair, there are a couple of ways we bring up enginuity. One way? Okay, in no way is this episode a tribute to anything. You made me say it. Happy? It’s just a silly podcast, and that’s all it is.
In the news segment, we have an update on the Arkansas Toe-Sucker case, so all of you out there with feet can rest easy tonight. But don’t worry, there are still plenty of strange pervs out there washing their trucks in the nude and stripping the bras off women through magic. Then we have the usual stories of dryer thefts and cat burglaries. But we do actually have a few stories of inventiveness: explosive cremains, talking rubbish bins and a motorcycle that runs on human fecal matter. Could we make this shit up? If we could, we could fuel the Poopcycle.
I Drink Your Blood is the bad movie this week in Luka’s Bad Movie Review. What can a little boy do when a gang of Satanist bikers rape his sister and beat up his grandfather? Give those meanies some meat pies, that’s what. But make sure the meat in the pies comes from a rabid dog. So, once a gang of Satanist bikers become a rabid gang of Satanist bikers, only love, peace and fluffy kittens could ensue, right? What could go wrong?
For the first time in a while, we bring back the Anime Review with no small bit of gushing over K-On! This slice of life anime is one of the most successful in recent years, and if Luka and Skullard are to be believed, there’s good reason for that. Find out why Luka named her own guitar “Yui”.
No Random Encounter this week, unless you count Skullard’s battle with a new appliance. Oh, the humanity. Oh, the cursing.
It’s K-On! The amazingly cute friendship anime where Rock and Role Rebels help each other study for exams.
Do you have what it takes to fuel the Poopcycle?
Have you been trying to escape from your horrific and worthless life? Should you? Today’s bonus educational short; Facing Reality (1954) may or may not hold the answer!
I can see you’re really upset about this podcast. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
If you’re putting out a podcast called What Could Go Wrong? and you get to the thirteenth episode, you’re kinda just asking for trouble. All things considered, we got off easy with only minor plumbing problems. On the upside, we went to a birthday party for lions. Can you say that? Liar.
For once, we’re on the side of the police and authorities during our news segment. We have nothing but respect and praise for our public servants who shovel fish heads when needed and force the naked to cover their asses. The animals, though, are out of control! They’re carjacking, stowing away on boats, and getting drunk on fermented apples. Gauche, right? But the animals have to take a back seat to the snake biters, shirtless samurai, and criminal claymation characters. Honest, going into this episode, I thought we’d had a slow news week. Shows what I know.
Luka’s Bad Movie Review this week is 1987’s The Gate, a horror movie minus the horror. Just one step up from a Fear Street book, this movie shows how easy it is to accidently open a portal to the Abyss when all you’re really trying to do is get closer to your sister. And for this week’s anime, we give a tap to Ghost Stories, or to be more specific, the ADV english dub of Ghost Stories from 2005. Veteran voice-over talent take a mediocre children’s anime and turn it into seriously funny adult entertainment by changing the words a’la What’s Up, Tiger Lilly? It’s one of our fond favorites.
Because superstition still abounds, even in our modern life, Luka helps us understand where bad luck comes from so we can all avoid misfortune. You may not be aware of all the unlucky things that you come in contact with every day, like that lone duck or the bastard who keeps throwing nickles at you. But now you can be prepared, and if you want, you can start carrying your own nickles to curse your enemies. What other podcast is going to teach you that?
So, there it is. Sorry about the whole curse thing. It’s kind of a contractual obligation situation. Of course, there’s one easy way to avoid the curse of the thirteenth podcast that doesn’t involve melons: tell somebody else about the show. Tell five other people. See if you can get any of them to listen and subscribe on iTunes. Then your curse will be lifted and you will be blessed for the remainder of your days. Or until the next season of Dancing With The Stars starts up. Some curses cannot be broken, sadly.
Luka has been having arguments with a crow in a tree outside our window. But things could be worse. At least there’s no drunk moose perched in our tree. Imagine those arguments.
“Gimme all yo’ money! I’m Gumby, Dammit!”
As soon as they capture Gumby, they’ll put him (of course) in the pokey.
I know we didn’t really talk in detail about Ghost Stories (ADV version 2005), so you probably have no idea who all these characters are. Don’t worry. Just watch the goofy-ass show.
Why not make your disgusting dinner time with your loathsome family something to look forward to? A Date With Your Family (1950) provides comtemporary advice on how to have more fun at your fucking supper table. Remember you pretty up your hair, girls – the men have had a tough day.
Grab your moth-eaten top hats and bindles and get ready to ride the rails! It’s National Hobo Week! It’s also Intimate Apparel Week. Should we put the hobos in lingerie? Hmmm. If that doesn’t appeal to you, then why not take your children to the Zoo to pet tigers? Are they too scared? Then how about giving them a shovel so they can dig up worms and firearms in your backyard? Oh, fine. Then go ahead and send your kids to summer camp where it’s nice and safe. Meanwhile, you can stop by the local car wash for your bi-yearly tooth cleaning. What could go wrong?
