057 Without Umbrella

With this installment of What Could Go Wrong?, we now have as many episodes as Heinz has varieties, which to us is significant. More significant, though, is the fact that you can still go back and listen to past episodes and sample their savory goodness, whereas with a certain condiment manufactuer, you can try the ketchup, mustard, some kind of steaky-saucey stuff, and then what? Where are the other 54 varieties Heinz? What have you done with them? Are they secreted away in shame, shambling about a cellar somewhere like some Boo Radley sandwich spread? Or are they kept out of the hands of the general public, reserved only for the flavorful enjoyment of the wealthy elite? What, are some of these condiments tailor made for the enhancement of certain endangered species a la The Freshman? Is that it? Are you merely using the majority of your condiments to curry favor with your friends in the one percent Heinz? How dare you! We common folk should have the same opportunities to dip our fries in your foie gras kicker paste or squirt Grey Wolf Poupon onto our hot dogs from a squeeze bottle as those hoity-toidy bastards at your country club/inner circle/coven/baby-eatery. And what condiment goes best with braised baby? I bet you know, don’t you Heinz? Although, wouldn’t that be funny if it turned out to be just mustard?

This week’s Bad Movie Review scrutinizes one of William Castle’s lesser-known but better acted gimmick films Homicidal (1961). It kicks off with a weird seduction of a bell-boy, a murder of a Justice of the Peace and a high-speed car chase sort of. You think, “Wow, this movie’s all action packed!” But then it settles down into some mere elder abuse (always entertaining) and the vandalism of a flower shop where the flowers never did nuthin ta nobody. Slick guys with goofy teeth and crazy blondes with sharp knives can’t be trusted, but how can we be expected to take the word of a woman named “Merriam Webster” fer chissakes? Luckily, this film gives you a chance to bail if you can’t take the mental pressure any longer. But be warned: if you take advantage of the “Fright Break”, you’ll miss the sight of granny going bowling! According to Luka, this is a Good Unintentionally Bad Movie with a shock-ingu twist that even Skullard didn’t see coming because he was tired.

Ya wanna see the big spoiler from Homicidal? Click right here, and get yourself out of the “Coward’s Corner”.

The True-to-life Walter White lacks quite a bit of Bryan Cranston’s charm. And facial symmetry. And apparently hygiene.

Grimm is back! We’re thrilled! Wanna catch up for Season Two? Here’s Season One in a nice little nutshell.

We also talked this week about an ultra-voilent, hyper-kenetic comedy from IFC called Bullet in the Face. Here’s a taste:

Alchemy Divine is an Etsy shop with beautiful handmade jewelry and snazzy cool things. Click this link and check ’em out! You’ll be surprised at what you find.

Hey, everyone! Don’t you want to live together safely and happily in social harmony? Then you’d better shut up and form a civic association! Please learn how by viewing this week’s educational short: Law and Social Controls (1949)!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: “Maison Marcel – Serving the most disciminating woman in the Nation’s Capital for half a century. Widest collection of real hair wigs, custom-made and ready-to-wear. Internationally renowned staff of creative hairstylists.” “It’s my favorite wig!” – Warren

Skullard took this picture on a dirt road on his delivery route. In the back woods, the bears and moose need to be warned.