028 The Squashed Orange In My Pocket

Merry Christmas, podcast listeners! Happy Hanukkah! Have a wonderful Kwanzaa! And an excellent Yule! Enjoy the Winter Solstice! Have a fun Boxing Day! And a great Festivus! Also please enjoy Pepper Pot Day, Bicarbonate of Soda Day and Life Day, should you find yourself on the Wookie homeworld! Seriously. We’re not making this shit up. Even the Jedi have their own holiday now. But regardless of your holiday of choice, this episode is our seasonal gift to you. So get comfy, preferably by the crackling fire, grab your cookies and your nog (what?), and enjoy A Very Special What Could Go Wrong?

DO NOT MISS THIS! Go to our Facebook page to see a bonus, musical Christmas video starring Luka and Skullard! And “Like” us while you’re there. Why the hell not, right? We’d “Like” you, if you were us. Sure we would. Why would we lie?

Holy Christ! (we exclaim reverently) What a packed podcast we have for you! The news gets us right into the holiday spirit with reindeer, letters to Santa, displays of Christmas lights, and chicks in bikinis. Two little children write letters to the Fat Man, and their wishes come true. And what does Santa do after a job well done? He sits back and sucks on a hookah, that’s what. The Post Office delivers a package on time for Christmas, albeit the next Christmas. And a “Piece of Chillief” sends all the municipal workers in his town his Christmas wish for them to have “incredible sexual relations.” So say we all.

Jack Frost (1996) is must-see crap your holiday season, and it’s the target for this week in Luka’s Bad Movie Review. In this Intentionally Good Bad Movie, a serial killer turns into a snowman, like they do. No sooner can you say “Happy Birthday” than he rolls into a small town and exacts his revenge on the Sheriff, his family, and anyone else dumb enough to play in the snow. This is a pun-tastic kill-fest filled with the silly kind of bloodshed that makes you shake your head, roll your eyes, and laugh at the mindless slaughter. And, after a certain nude bathing scene, you’ll never look at a carrot the same way again.

Sometimes people mean to get you a present for the holidays, but something happens, and you end up empty handed. No big deal, shit happens. Sometimes people never intend to get you a present, but they want you to think that they did, so you end up empty handed with the bonus of an excuse. So what’s more insulting: the fact that they didn’t want to give you a gift, or that they think you’re so stupid that you’ll believe their bullshit. Luka unearths some classic bullshit from “friends” who would rather lie than spend a couple of bucks.

The Anime Lyrics Game returns with a special Christmas round! Will Skullard be able to tell what’s false and what’s real? Here’s a hint: he still believes in Santa.

Finally, there’s a war out there, dear listeners. It’s a war on Christmas, and everyone’s favorite holiday is at risk. Or is it? Skullard’s Ramble this week will either ease your mind or get him shot. Either way, he’s not going to be welcome back home if his mother hears this.

What Could Go Wrong? was pre-recorded in front of a live (?) studio audience.

Behold! The rusty bottlecap holiday snake of TERROR!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: I’m not sure what this means, but my best guess is that it involves your father giving you directions while wearing sheepskins. All of which sounds very festive to me.

In this week’s bonus educational short, two babbling children make a wish to visit Santa’s workshop. How wonderful! Santa’s helicopter arrives and takes them to the “North Pole”, which happens to look a lot like a dingy local mall. Feast your eyes on A Visit to Santa (1963)!