064 Proof of My Evil

Who doesn’t love Halloween? Sure, Christmas gets a lot of attention because it takes the most planning, but unless you’re a mall Santa, there’s not a lot of chance to play dress-up. Halloween is a chance to act silly because you’re not really being yourself. You would never jump out from a bush and yell “BLAAARGH!” . . . but a goofy pirate might. You would never drink too much and go home with that guy, but Sexy Alice in Wonderland is in the mood for a tumble down the rabbit hole. Go ahead Sponge Bob, eat that huge bag of candy. You’ll still fit into those square pants tomorrow. It’s fun to pretend we’re someone else, especially someone who doesn’t exist, because it takes that whole burden of responsibility off for a while. Wear the mask, have some fun, then go back to boring old “real life” November 1st. And if your costume lends itself to making a specific lasting impression, by all means go for it. If you’re dressing up as John Dillinger, make sure to stop in at the bank. If you’re a mad bomber, see if you can make it through airport security. If you’re dressed as a pimp, slap a bitch. If you’re dressing up as a priest or scout leader . . . may we suggest a different costume. You can only take this “It wasn’t me, it was the outfit” garbage just so far, right?

In this week’s Bad Movie Review, Luka goes back to 2003 and takes a Wrong Turn (see what we did there?). You may not have seen this movie, but you’ve definitly seen it before. A carload of attractive college students are on a Spring break road trip and decide to take a short cut, right? Sound familiar? And they stop at a gas station an get directions from a vaguely threatening backwoods hick? Of course they do. Then they run over a spiked chain that blows out their tires and they end up being picked off, one by one, by a family of inbred cannibals. Yadda-yadda, la-dee-da, pass the popcorn, we’ve been down this old dirt road before. This time our usual vile villains are a trio of deformed brothers by the names of One-Eye, Three-Fingers and Sawtooth (or the Artist Formerly Known As Fuckface). Like any teen-screamer, Wrong Turn has had more the necessary amount of sequels and prequels, usually released directly to video. All of these are your standard, run-of-the-mill, snark worthy fare. In other words, get your snacks, get comfy, and get ready to point and laugh.

We took a short detour down Halloween Movie Memory Lane. Here are some sentimental favorites from years gone by:

Mockingbird Lane: Well, it was going to be a pilot for a new series, but now they’re calling it a “Halloween Special”. Take our word for it, this is no Great Pumpkin. Oh Eddie . . .

If you aren’t doing anything fun for Halloween this year, why not make yourself feel better by laughing at this stupid family and their potentially rabid dog? Please enjoy the low-income thrills of Halloween Party (1953)!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: This one’s a classic. Mine’s only a copy and I wish I had an original, but I adore the silliness of it. That witch must be driving like a maniac, because all the veggies look scared shitless. Hell, the pickle fell out! That’s what you get for not buckling up, ya briney bastard! And is it just me, or does that car’s smile remind anyone else of Speed-Buggy? “A-ROOMA-ZOOM-ZOOM!”