014 Stop The Hamburglar Before It’s Too Late!

It’s episode 14, and the “What Could Go Wrong?” podcast personalities are on vacation. Vacation from work, that is. This podcast is not considered work. It’s play. Besides, we’re flat-assed broke, so since we’re just going to be sitting around the house anyway, why not make a podcast? What else are we gonna do, indulge in our imaginary life as elves? Well, yeah, we’ve been doing that too. Anything to avoid chores. Maybe later we’ll do something two-player on the PlayStation. Then after that, we’ll play a video game. Ha! See what I did there? Praise me!

This week’s news saw the cause of justice advanced by the arrest of two, count ’em, two animated characters getting arrested. Also, it is now safe again to deliver pizzas in Rhode Island, much to your obvious relief. And, should you lose your Hot Dog Man, rest assured the authorities will reunite you with your wayward sausage dude. Not all is roses and red peppers, though. Assholes abound in our fair nation, some in the form of faux cancer con-artists, others who consider Weekend At Bernie’s to not be an 80’s comedy but a valid option for a night out on the town. Special attention is given to the whiney fat-ass who wants special attention from White Castle Burgers because his fat ass is too fat to fit in between the table and the seat (Waaaaaaah!). Oh, and don’t forget that there’s a toe-sucker on the loose. It’s almost enough to drive an orangutan to smoke.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review covers 1985’s The Stuff, but all she really needed to cover was the first three minutes of this stinker. Just recalling it gets Skullard laughing so hard his gut started to hurt, which is getting off easy when dealing with the Stuff. This is one Lousey Intentionally Bad Movie, that really deserves a remake. We call dibs, Hollywood. Start holding your breath.

And the Anime Lyrics Game returns with a truly surprising result. Find out what “I am eating sticky things without shameful feelings” means. You may be surprised or not.

Thanks so much for tuning in to our podcast, Dear Listener. We love the fact that you give even half of a rat’s posterior, which is just enough, according to the best science available, to put us in your ears. We love it in there. We’re the voices in your head that you don’t have to obey. All we ask, is that you enjoy . . . and maybe use a q-tip every so often.

Although Gumby’s reign of terror has ended, SpongeBob has taken to street-fighting;

But no not despair, because pumpkins are plentiful. Apparently they grow on trees now;

Are you not eating enough oatmeal and bacon for breakfast? Are you substituting crappy cookies for a good bowl of soup? You shall be punished with a stomach ache! Please improve your health by obeying this week’s educational short; Good Eating Habits (1951).

013 Many Dogs Barking At A Can Of Soup

If you’re putting out a podcast called What Could Go Wrong? and you get to the thirteenth episode, you’re kinda just asking for trouble. All things considered, we got off easy with only minor plumbing problems. On the upside, we went to a birthday party for lions. Can you say that? Liar.

For once, we’re on the side of the police and authorities during our news segment. We have nothing but respect and praise for our public servants who shovel fish heads when needed and force the naked to cover their asses. The animals, though, are out of control! They’re carjacking, stowing away on boats, and getting drunk on fermented apples. Gauche, right? But the animals have to take a back seat to the snake biters, shirtless samurai, and criminal claymation characters. Honest, going into this episode, I thought we’d had a slow news week. Shows what I know.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review this week is 1987’s The Gate, a horror movie minus the horror. Just one step up from a Fear Street book, this movie shows how easy it is to accidently open a portal to the Abyss when all you’re really trying to do is get closer to your sister. And for this week’s anime, we give a tap to Ghost Stories, or to be more specific, the ADV english dub of Ghost Stories from 2005. Veteran voice-over talent take a mediocre children’s anime and turn it into seriously funny adult entertainment by changing the words a’la What’s Up, Tiger Lilly? It’s one of our fond favorites.

Because superstition still abounds, even in our modern life, Luka helps us understand where bad luck comes from so we can all avoid misfortune. You may not be aware of all the unlucky things that you come in contact with every day, like that lone duck or the bastard who keeps throwing nickles at you. But now you can be prepared, and if you want, you can start carrying your own nickles to curse your enemies. What other podcast is going to teach you that?

So, there it is. Sorry about the whole curse thing. It’s kind of a contractual obligation situation. Of course, there’s one easy way to avoid the curse of the thirteenth podcast that doesn’t involve melons: tell somebody else about the show. Tell five other people. See if you can get any of them to listen and subscribe on iTunes. Then your curse will be lifted and you will be blessed for the remainder of your days. Or until the next season of Dancing With The Stars starts up. Some curses cannot be broken, sadly.

Luka has been having arguments with a crow in a tree outside our window. But things could be worse. At least there’s no drunk moose perched in our tree. Imagine those arguments.

“Gimme all yo’ money! I’m Gumby, Dammit!”

As soon as they capture Gumby, they’ll put him (of course) in the pokey.

I know we didn’t really talk in detail about Ghost Stories (ADV version 2005), so you probably have no idea who all these characters are. Don’t worry. Just watch the goofy-ass show.

Why not make your disgusting dinner time with your loathsome family something to look forward to? A Date With Your Family (1950) provides comtemporary advice on how to have more fun at your fucking supper table. Remember you pretty up your hair, girls – the men have had a tough day.