OVA: We Know What We Did This Summer

Well, the summer’s over. It’s time to drag your smelly carcass back to school or to work, with only the memories of your vacation to sustain you until next year. But don’t despair, dumbass! You can make yourself feel better by listening to Skullard and Luka regale you with their thrilling tales of mundane and utterly pointless adventure.

What kind of excitement can you expect? Birthday cakes made of ground meat and topped with dead mice! Quiche and inanely rambling old women with a grudge against Germany! Boomboxes plunging into birdbaths when everybody refused to dance now! Mysterious appearing and disappearing church signs! Unnecessary juice coupons! Enraging trip to the tire store while hubcaps attempt to make their escape! Posters at the Post Office! Endlessly shrieking children at Walmart! Quarters inserting themselves into Luka’s butt-crack and then later disguising themselves as batteries! Killer wasps loose in the bathroom! Weenie boogers!

During our trip to the antique store, Luka became charmed with an old sign reading “SPRATT’S CAT FOOD: Puts Pussy In Fine Form“. It comes in packets! They also make dog food and some kind of powder for canaries. Delicious!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection; Our newest find is a funny little card sent back in 1921, from a young lady in Wolfville to her friend in college. It reads “Hello you sweet little bunch of sour grapes! Have they done this to you yet? I got your dejected and mournful puppy dog and was pleased to see him but I’m afraid he won’t be cheered up very soon or Lucy’s essay will never be typed. Congratylations Miss Fash on getting your Literary A. The tavern is an awful touch without you. Jean and I had to go up to it last night and rouse a little life in it. La la old thing – give my love to the rest of the gang! And if you’d drop another line perhaps you’d get a bigger bit. -Marion”

013 Many Dogs Barking At A Can Of Soup

If you’re putting out a podcast called What Could Go Wrong? and you get to the thirteenth episode, you’re kinda just asking for trouble. All things considered, we got off easy with only minor plumbing problems. On the upside, we went to a birthday party for lions. Can you say that? Liar.

For once, we’re on the side of the police and authorities during our news segment. We have nothing but respect and praise for our public servants who shovel fish heads when needed and force the naked to cover their asses. The animals, though, are out of control! They’re carjacking, stowing away on boats, and getting drunk on fermented apples. Gauche, right? But the animals have to take a back seat to the snake biters, shirtless samurai, and criminal claymation characters. Honest, going into this episode, I thought we’d had a slow news week. Shows what I know.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review this week is 1987’s The Gate, a horror movie minus the horror. Just one step up from a Fear Street book, this movie shows how easy it is to accidently open a portal to the Abyss when all you’re really trying to do is get closer to your sister. And for this week’s anime, we give a tap to Ghost Stories, or to be more specific, the ADV english dub of Ghost Stories from 2005. Veteran voice-over talent take a mediocre children’s anime and turn it into seriously funny adult entertainment by changing the words a’la What’s Up, Tiger Lilly? It’s one of our fond favorites.

Because superstition still abounds, even in our modern life, Luka helps us understand where bad luck comes from so we can all avoid misfortune. You may not be aware of all the unlucky things that you come in contact with every day, like that lone duck or the bastard who keeps throwing nickles at you. But now you can be prepared, and if you want, you can start carrying your own nickles to curse your enemies. What other podcast is going to teach you that?

So, there it is. Sorry about the whole curse thing. It’s kind of a contractual obligation situation. Of course, there’s one easy way to avoid the curse of the thirteenth podcast that doesn’t involve melons: tell somebody else about the show. Tell five other people. See if you can get any of them to listen and subscribe on iTunes. Then your curse will be lifted and you will be blessed for the remainder of your days. Or until the next season of Dancing With The Stars starts up. Some curses cannot be broken, sadly.

Luka has been having arguments with a crow in a tree outside our window. But things could be worse. At least there’s no drunk moose perched in our tree. Imagine those arguments.

“Gimme all yo’ money! I’m Gumby, Dammit!”

As soon as they capture Gumby, they’ll put him (of course) in the pokey.

I know we didn’t really talk in detail about Ghost Stories (ADV version 2005), so you probably have no idea who all these characters are. Don’t worry. Just watch the goofy-ass show.

Why not make your disgusting dinner time with your loathsome family something to look forward to? A Date With Your Family (1950) provides comtemporary advice on how to have more fun at your fucking supper table. Remember you pretty up your hair, girls – the men have had a tough day.