119 Triple Word Score

119 Triple Word ScoreThe Haiku is a Japanese form of poetry using a 5-7-5 syllable pattern and usually touching on traditional or classic Japanese themes. For example:

Cherry blossoms fall
Landing softly on her cheek
Don’t fuck your sister

Watching Strike Witches
The girls fly and shoot big guns
But where are their pants?

In the Maid Café
The girls bow and say “Master”
I need more money

I chose you on sight
Together we battle dweebs
You’re a Pokémon

With her cheeks blushing
The tentacles everywhere
That’s some fucked up porn

In 1986, poor Kristy Swanson got suckered into doing the robot by Wes Craven who was in turn suckered into making a half-assed horror film out of an ill conceived sci-fi/romance along the lines of Romeo and Julie-8. So many people couldn’t be blamed for this tragically bad movie, but Deadly Friend was crappy nonetheless, and not even murder by basketball could save it.

We keep talking about NBC’s Hannibal like it’s some exercise in horror/art. What could have ever given us that impression?

In last week’s educational short we learned about The Bully. This week, the bully is the narrator who badgers and berates a little wallflower for not conforming to the group. Remember, different it bad, individualism is worse, and if you can’t go along with the crowd than you’re wrong-wrong-WRONG! Now toe the line and watch The Outsider like you’re supposed to, you ostracized freak.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: understandable reactions to Skullard’s haikus.

115 Back-Up Plan

115 Back-Up PlanThere is a saying among high wire walkers that if you put up a net, you’re going to use it. No, this isn’t some neo-conservative rant attacking food stamps. Rather, this is about the lie we’re told by those who have put security over happiness and would hate to see us succeed. Most people don’t get what they want out of life because they want to play it safe. If everyone else around them does the same thing, they can make themselves feel like they made the right decision to be miserable. This week we share the opinion that these fuckers shouldn’t hold you back. Cut the net. Be like Cortez and his men and burn the boats so you have no choice but to march forward into victory. (We’re not saying you should actually do what Cortez did, though. Destroying cultures and slaughtering natives is kind of a dick move.) Follow Plan A. Plan B is a slow death.

Even as much as we’re preaching “live your dream” in this episode, maybe there’s a limit to that. For example, the dream of Blondie Bennett to become a living Barbie doll may not have been . . . wow. Okay, some dreams are a little fucked up.

Prepare yourself for the most thrilling trailer you’ve ever witnessed.

A smartass little boy boasts that he knows more about safety than the average adult. Please tune in to Safety Patrol (1937) for instructions on how to survive. Especially if you’re a woman. You know how women are.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Regardless of whether they are in the chair or behind it, there isn’t one person in this picture who is living their “Plan A”.