124 Cash Dollars

124 Cash Dollars

Christopher Walken – scary-ass mother fucker. Jon Voight – creepy-ass mother fucker. If they ever joined forces, the world as we know it would be doomed. But if these two bad-ass mother fuckers ever faced each other in mortal combat, who would win? WHO WOULD WIN!?!

Can you help George’s disembodied conscience? Phooey! It’s no use when it comes to old George. He’s the worst griper there ever was. Why, he ruins everything for everybody. How? Because everybody listens to every shit-talking word that comes out of his mouth, then discusses it among themselves. Darn George. Why does he have to be so negative and influential? Maybe if his conscience didn’t keep leaving his body he’d be a nicer person. Ever think of that, stupid conscience? Fixate on the school dick in The Griper (1948).

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Families love Cheerios. Get the whole family together to enjoy a bowl of Cheerios. Why? Because this is what you people will look like if you all eat Shredded Wheat.

119 Triple Word Score

119 Triple Word ScoreThe Haiku is a Japanese form of poetry using a 5-7-5 syllable pattern and usually touching on traditional or classic Japanese themes. For example:

Cherry blossoms fall
Landing softly on her cheek
Don’t fuck your sister

Watching Strike Witches
The girls fly and shoot big guns
But where are their pants?

In the Maid Café
The girls bow and say “Master”
I need more money

I chose you on sight
Together we battle dweebs
You’re a Pokémon

With her cheeks blushing
The tentacles everywhere
That’s some fucked up porn

In 1986, poor Kristy Swanson got suckered into doing the robot by Wes Craven who was in turn suckered into making a half-assed horror film out of an ill conceived sci-fi/romance along the lines of Romeo and Julie-8. So many people couldn’t be blamed for this tragically bad movie, but Deadly Friend was crappy nonetheless, and not even murder by basketball could save it.

We keep talking about NBC’s Hannibal like it’s some exercise in horror/art. What could have ever given us that impression?

In last week’s educational short we learned about The Bully. This week, the bully is the narrator who badgers and berates a little wallflower for not conforming to the group. Remember, different it bad, individualism is worse, and if you can’t go along with the crowd than you’re wrong-wrong-WRONG! Now toe the line and watch The Outsider like you’re supposed to, you ostracized freak.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: understandable reactions to Skullard’s haikus.