011 A Pinch Of Cayenne Pepper Is Worth A Pound Of Whatever

Happy Toilet Paper Day everyone! It’s an appropriate holiday, seeing as so much of our news this week dealt with either bathroom hyjinks or assholes. Or bull semen. Regardless, much of the news this week requires keeping sanitary tissues of some sort on hand. We’re sorry.

This week’s Bad Movie Review dives into the depths of Deep Blue Sea (1999), a movie so fine that L. L. Cool J outshines the rest of the cast. “Let’s make these sharks hyper-intellegent! What could go wrong?” Brilliant concept, to say the least.

The anime discussion gives a little lesson on dating sims, romance anime and how they all link back to those old Choose Your Own Adventure books. We talk about Rumbling Hearts and explore some of the options that may have made it a more interesting, though troubling show.

And because Skullard is a masochist, the Anime Lyrics Game returns to punish him. Do not pity the man. He asks for it.

Rumbling Hearts (2 stars) – Fer Christ’s sake, ya wanna cry a bit more?

Do you think you’re normal? Do you think you’re popular? Think again. As it turns out, your friends may very well see you as some sort of hideous clown! Learn your motherfucking lesson with this week’s educational short If Mirrors Could Speak (1976):

010 Who Took A Dump In The Car Wash?

This is What Could Go Wrong?‘s tenth episode, and we couldn’t be more proud. We now have an episode for each Commandment, and there’s a better than good chance that we may have broken each of them, not that we’re keeping track. Thanks for listening and encouraging us this far, and we hope you’ll stick with us until we make the jump from two digits to three . . . and beyond maybe?

If you like your women on the edge, the news this week will supply your needs in abundance. They’re robbing banks. They’re attacking hobos. They’re smashing their cars into random buildings. We even have a story about one woman who leaves her helpless welp on the street to fend for himself . . . for ten minutes. But don’t you think we’re picking on the ladies, because we have praise a’plenty for photographer Jen McKen (Check out her website and blog here) who is our hero of the week! In all seriousness, anyone who takes a stand against bullies in her community is all aces in our book. Give her some love on her website or Facebook, and if you live in her area, give her your business. Support your local artistic hero.

This week’s Bad Movie Review is the 1972 man vs. nature classic Frogs. Find out why Luka rates this as one of the Great Unintentionally Bad Movies out there for your enjoyment. Also, find out which curse Skullard is most like to use when he slips into his “old man” voice.

Our Anime Review returns with the best anime we could ever recommend: Naoki Urasawa’s Monster. No kiddin’, anime doesn’t get any better than this. If you thought all anime was about chicks with guns and giant robots, you’ve no idea what the medium is capable of. It’s all just sitting there on Netflix, waiting patiently to rock your world.

And just for the giggles, we vent a little about them twazy Vampires and some of the losers who think they really are undead bloodsuckers. We shatter the myth of causal relationships between media and criminal behavior with a simple equasion: a dick is a dick is a dick.

Please share this silly ol’ show with your friends, and if you can, give us a nice iTunes review. We promise to say nice things about you in return. Go ahead. What could go wrong?

Monster (5 stars) Mix The Fugitive with Silence of the Lambs and you’ll start to get an idea of this amazing story.

Some interesting things happen when you translate Japanese into Chinese and then into English. Strange things . . .

One member of the Hello Kitty Army takes issue with our whole Vampire discussion.

Two spine-tingling clips from the movie Frogs! First of all, lizards kill an arrogant rich guy using a greenhouse and their knowledge of chemistry:

And then, a dumb old lady goes hunting for butterflies and ends up enraging every damn creature in the whole stupid forest:

Finally, did you realize that your tardiness and filthiness could somehow interfere with your social life? Apparantly it can! Your choices are to either weep in vain, or learn from this weeks educational short; Habit Patterns(1954).

008 Be On The Lookout For Orange Goo

We have so much news this week, you’d think we were NPR. Then you’d listen and think, “No, I owe Scott Simon an apology.” Still, there’s a lot of news, and no small portion of it about hillbillies. Lawd, how we love those uncultured denizens of the back woods. They’ll pick up roadkill to turn into clothing, let thier children drive thier trucks and stick thier hands into unidentified substances to get a good, long sniff. We also provide you with more than your recommended daily allowance of wildlife: lions and lobsters and bears (Oh, my!), a hungry rat and some schmuck in a bunny suit wearing a tutu. And if you ever wondered how the Skullard/Luka consortium feels toward bullies, we go on the record with our response to such vile, low-life pig-fuckers.

This week’s Bad Movie Review considers Sleepaway Camp (1983), a shocking tale with a twist ending we saw coming several miles away. Relive those care-free days of summer as you watch one body pile atop the last. Sure, the killings are brutal and gruesome, but the blow is softened a bit considering everyone attending this camp is a rank asshole. And you thought church camp was a pain in the ass.

You’re in on the ground floor as Skullard pitches his idea for an anime series. This could be our ticket, boys and girls. Or not.

This is a long one, so strap yourselves in. There wasn’t even time to have a Random Encounter! We’ve really got to learn to restrain ourselves, and that’s not code for kinky stuff. Get your mind out of the gutter, and get it into Episode 008 of What Could Go Wrong? Enjoy!

Mmmmm . . . get some tail with some nice, fresh rat-bread

Here’s the protagonist of Skullard’s new anime Stir-Fry Panic! A Star is Bjorn!

Should you allow petty day-to-day problems fill you with violent rage? Probably not! This weeks short Control Your Emotions (1950) helps you learn how to cope.

007 Up The Yinyang And Out The Wazoo

The dead walk, animals attack, and Catholics give up thier cowboy ways. Is this the cataclysmic end of everything? Nah, it’s just a bit of the news in this latest episode. Find out how you can save money on medical care with common kitchen utensils and the best way to survive a building collapse while getting your hair done. Chew on that, you people say our podcast has no educational value!

Bucket of Blood (1959) is the featured movie for Luka’s review, and it’s, like, wild baby. You grock? All you cats and kittens are going to dig the hipness of this Corman classic. Then our Anime Review returns with an all out caution against Loveless, or as we call it, a Bucket of Suck. In anime, as in all things, let the buyer beware.

We pull the dice back out to bring back our Random Encounter segment, which this week gets a bit more random than originally intended. Honest. We never meant to talk about Glory Holes. It just kinda happened.

And those are the varied elements that make up our lucky (!?!) seventh episode. Please share this show with your friends, as it’s healthy to put relationships to the test now and again. And practice good dental hygiene. It’s important. Remember, four out of five dentists surveyed never invite the fifth one to thier parties.

Loveless: Is it a creepy pedo anime that’s boring or a boring anime with creepy pedos? We’d say, “You decide”, but then you’d have to watch it.

Wow, clips from A Bucket Of Blood!

How will stupid Walter react to a girl coming on to him?

What’s the best way to make a bust? By severing off a real head, of course.

How many horrible molesters are stalking you right now? If only there were some way to find out!

005 I Just Love a Good Sting

Despite stifling heat and Skullard’s lack of a shirt, we’re back with another full episode of nerdy goodness. Neither rain nor sleet nor sweaty headphones are going to keep us from getting you the audio fodder you need to fritter away an otherwise valuable hour of your life.

This week, as usual, we start with the news, which covers everything from bad yogurt and mutilation of spouses to public transportation and exorcist conventions. We love keeping you informed. Then we’re off to the movies again with another Bad Movie Review (Dun-dun-DAHHHH . . .) in which Luka tells you in no uncertain terms, Don’t Look In The Basement! (1973)

Against all better judgment, Skullard demands another rematch of the Anime Lyrics Game with predictable results. Finally, our anime this week is Kuroshitsuji, or Black Butler, which defies the old saying, “You can’t get good help these days,” so long as you have a flexible definition of the word good.

I have to admit, the two of us are pretty amused with ourselves this week. We hope you enjoy listening as much as we like blathering on.

Kuroshitsuji (The Black Butler): Four Stars for season one, Two stars for season two. Luka thinks Sebastian is one hell of a butler.

And now, please become excited by clips from Don’t Look in the Basement!

Use the axe, Judge! What could go wrong?

Charlotte receives a dire warning – through rhyme.

Allyson really wants to get her phone fixed. She wants it fixed hard.

And finally, fresh from 1948 comes the thrilling educational short Build Your Vocabulary! Your mind shall be expanded and your life shall be enriched.

004.5 This Is Not a Podcast

Y’know, we kinda talk too much. We can tell because our hosting site says we’ve used up almost all of our memory going into this podcast. So, instead of a full sized show, you get this: a partial show that’s whole-hearted and not half-assed. We’ll be back with a full show on the 19th of July, but until then, we’ll give you a quick lesson in Anime Guys. Consider the following:

Anime Guy A

First Row: Tomoharu (Asura Cryin), Keita (KissXSis), Saito (Zero no Tsukaima) Second Row: Makoto (School Days) , Futakoi, Takashi (High School of the Dead) Third Row: Ikkou (Ah My Buddha), Takashi (B Gata H Kei), Yuji (Bamboo Blade) Fourth Row: Kakeru (Akikan), Keiichi (Higurahi no Naku Koro Ni), Hiro (Princess Ressurection) Fifth Row: Kazuki (Maburaho), Yuto (Omamori Himari), Tomokazu (Yumeria) Sixth Row: Hajime (Ghost Stories), Sousuke (Full Metal Panic), Hideki (Chobits) Seventh Row: Keiichi (Ah My Goddess), Shin’ichiro (True Tears), Junpei (Nyan Koi)

Anime Guy B

First Row: Kio (Asobi ni Iku Yo), Rin (Blue Exorcist), Keima (The World Only God Knows) Second Row: Tsuchida (Hanamaru Kindergarten), Daisuke (Kodomo no Jikan), Keitaro (Love Hina) Third Row: Noa (Kiba), Haruo (Majikano), Kaoru (Welcome to the NHK) Fourth Row: Kei (Please Teacher), Negi (Negima), Suguru (Mahoromatic) Fifth Row: Sota (Working), Seishin (Shiki), Hiroshi (Ookami Kakushi)

Anime Guy C

First Row: Ichigo (Bleach), Kyo (Fruits Basket), Rito (To Love RU) Second Row: Daisuke (DN Angel), Takuto (Star Driver), Battler (Umineko no Naku Koro Ni) Third Row: Seiji (Midori Days), Kain (Vampire Knight), Kippei (Aishiteruze Baby) Fourth Row: Claugh (Legend of the Legendary Heroes), Yumeji (Yumekui Meri), Yuuki (E’s Otherwise) Fifth Row: Yuzuru (Angel Beats), Sergej (My Otome), Shiro (Fate Stay Night)

Anime Guy D

First Row:
Tamahome (Fushigi Yugi), Kakeru (11 Eyes), Chrono (Chrono Crusade) Second Row: Tomoya (Clannad), Takumi (Chaos;Head), Kamina (Gurren Lagann) Third Row: Zed (Kiba), Chika (Zombie Loan), Sasha (Seikon no Qwasar) Fourth Row: Natsuru (Kampfer), Louie (Rune Soldier), Natsuno (Shiki)

004 Up On Top of the World

Just in time for July 4th, we give you a podcast to help you declare your independance by putting on headphones and not talking to anyone for an hour. Lots of stupid news this week, much of which comes from Ohio. Not sure if that deserves some kind of award or extra supervision. Luka reviews House (1986), a horror comedy that combines The Greatest American Hero, Cheers, the Vietnam war, extradimensional portals and your ex-wife. She also shows off her secret talent (prepare yourself). We play the Anime Lyric Game again in our Random Encounter, and then we talk Kimi ni Todoke, an angst-ridden romance anime that gets high praise. Also, Skullard has a few choice words to say about Chrome Shelled Regios. It’s a full hour plus of American pride and Canadian meh. Enjoy!

Kimi ni Todoke (5 Stars from Luka and Skullard)

003 It’s the Magic Number

Good Lawd, we had a lot to say. Episode three kicks off with so much news that you’ll puke. In a bag. At least 35 pounds worth. And then the bag will be stolen by the neighborhood cat. Luka lambasts The Ruins, a teen-screamer where the plants have more personality than the protagonists. We roll the die for another Random Encounter, this time spurring a spontaneous product endorsement that, in retrospect, we really should have been paid for. Skullard gushes in his anime review of Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu, most likely because he relates so closely to the main character. All of this flies at you at a whiplash pace if you have a history of poor neck support. Enjoy!

Dusty steals a toy dinosaur. For what purpose? The world may never know.

Baka to Test to Shokanju: Four Stars. Goofy Fun!

002 Why Are Kittens Fuzzy?

The second episode brings terrifying news: people can just come to your door and demand to give you an enema. Among that and other news stories, Luka brings the awful truth of Maniac(1934), a psycho horror tale in which animals may or may not have been harmed during the filming, but they certainly were pissed. We have our first anime discussion with a celebration of Ninja Nonsense, where following the bouncing ball could well get you molested. We’ll also talk about some actual nonsense from some of the people we’ve met out in public, and then round things off with another Random Encounter. All of this in less time than it takes to hypnotize yourself in the mirror. Remember when you did that? No? Forget I said anything. Enjoy!

As promised in the podcast, we’d also like to share some video clips from Maniac:

Buckley goes crazy broadway-style after being injected with super-adrenaline!

A strange man explains his new business venture – a self-sustaining cat fur farm.

And finally, two hysterical women battle in a dank cellar. Why? No reason.

Ninja Nonsense: Four Stars. A thing of wacky beauty.

001 How To Boil An Egg

What’s going on in our premier episode? Crows are attacking policemen. The British are feeding their dinner guests spoiled food off the floor. Granny takes a post-mortem field trip. Various forms of animal crap are examined and explained. Skullard gives his recipe for his personal “Breakfast of Champions”. Plus, we talk about how we categorize bad movies and have a Random Encounter. All in all, a first effort worthy of our show’s title. Please enjoy!