DO NOT IGNORE THIS OR YOU WILL DIE! Continue reading, because if you don’t you will suffer the full consequences of death even if you just clicked this link hoping to see boobs. In 1973, on or about the date of May 23rd at 7pm a little girl was killed at 4:15. She was beaten to death with a broken clock. A man jumped out of the sewer and murdered the girl and killed her also. What I’m saying is she’s dead, Jackson, and her name was Eve. The man from the sewer then threw Eve into the sewer and no one knew what happened to her until a very sick boy in the hospital began asking for more soup. The nurses knew the boy must be haunted because they had tasted the soup, so they threw him in the mental ward until he was 18. On his 18th birthday, his parents died of boredom and when the staff told the boy who’s name was Rancid Pete what had happened to his parents, he said, “Eve did it.” They let him out the next day, and with his brand new birthday knife he began killing everyone who doesn’t post this link to 10 other websites in the next 20 minutes. If you share this with 10 websites in the next five minutes, a hooker will come to your door and blow you for a doughnut. If you’re a woman, she’ll give you a crumb cake and you don’t have to do anything for it unless you really, really want to, it’s up to you, no pressure. If you post this to 10 other websites in two and a half minutes, you’ll receive 2 dozen friend requests on Game Center. THIS IS NOT FAKE! DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! Lucy Albimowitz of Rock Creek, NM got scared and didn’t pass this on to anybody and no one’s heard of her until now! Arlen Dempsey broke the chain and wound up having to blow Rancid Pete for a doughnut AND dying! If you break the chain you will see a dead little girl in your bedroom tonight who won’t be Eve but some other kid and who do you think you are that you deserve Eve herself, huh? She’s busy. And she’d make your room smell like sewer, so count your blessings and introduce yourself to the dead kid in the next 53 minutes and she’ll either say “I love you,” or “I’m sorry,” which we’re guessing you don’t get to hear much either way due to the relationship problems you’ve been having from breaking chains like this one. But if you’re feeling lucky . . . well, go ahead Mr. Daredevil and don’t share this with anybody. You’re so smart, you don’t believe any of this, do you? Ignore it all, What Could Go Wrong? Rancid Pete didn’t believe either . . . until he did!
A boy and a girl run away from a fun fair. A boy and a girl and a bunch of other idiots. A boy and a girl in a haunted zombie time warp. A boy and a girl in a what the fuck is this crap? Shake it up, shake it up, ooh, that’s the recipe for this film. That’s the recipe for Bloody New Year (1987).
Here the owner of Lyndon’s Soda Fountain shows a couple of the candy cigarettes that brought the heat down on her. So you can’t sell such corrupting wares in St. Paul, MN. But, if you have eleven bucks for 24 packs, Amazon will send ’em right to your door, so no worries kids!
So a dentist sexually harasses an attractive employee and even sends her a lewd text message before his wife finds out. So what does he do, apologize? Nah, just fire the lady. I mean, it’s all her fault, right? That’s what the Iowa Supreme Court said: Being irresistable is a firing offense. On the upside, a number of patients are finding it easy to resist giving this prick any more business.
What did Santa bring Skullard for Christmas? Dirty books, of course! Does Skullard have the coolest wife or what?
If you could go back in time to warn your past self about something deeply important, what time of your life would you choose? What topic would you discuss? What’s that? Did you say… proper dining etiquette? That’s right! Little Chuck’s teenage self travels into the past to teach his childhood doppleganger how to make a good impression during meals. And to make things even jollier, they both wear the same stupid holiday sweater. Please learn a lot from this week’s educational short; Good Table Manners (1951)!
From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: I heard some throw-away joke back when I was a kid that went something like, “You know everybody’s getting it on on New Year’s Eve, because nine months later, it’s Labor Day.” I never forgot it because math jokes are funny 98% of the time. I’m reminded of the line when I look at these two party-goers. Just look at her, dancing with her boyfriend, having a great time. Poor kid. All you have to do is look at the lecherous expression on that boy’s face to know he intends to pluck more than just the daisies in little miss pixie-cut’s hair. But wait, there’s something off here . . . is that a ring on the girl’s finger? And on the left hand too! This skanky wench is married! I knew that lip stick was a bit too whorish. But you might be saying, “Hold on, Skullard! How do you know that Brylcreemed lothario with the goofy overbite isn’t her faithful husband?” Because they’re at a dance, and no American douche-bag husband is going to dress up and buy tickets to something where he’ll have to sway and sweat and buy drinks in the hopes of getting marital nookie when he can sit at home and scratch himself on the couch and still coerce his better half into some reluctant act of passionless groin mechanics before the ball drops. Let’s face it, this girl’s slutting it up to grab herself a bit of side-boffing while hubby’s at home drinking cheap beer and watching Spike TV. And if you think that Bobby Overbite is the kind of dude who brings protection, think again. So come September, Daisy the Wonderwhore will be pushing out Bobby’s bastard while Joseph the Couch-Stricken cries into his Schlitz. But don’t they make a lovely couple?
