140 I’m Gonna Spank You Silly

140 I'm Gonna Spank You Silly

New Year’s greetings to you, gentle listeners. Rather than comment on how awful 2014 was or make any questionable resolutions about how we won’t skip weeks of episodes in the year to come (ahem), let us hip you to the jive of our YouTube channel. Luka’s been doing her HorrorSnark channel for some years now, building up a huge collection of the tacky, retro and bizarre. Now she’s calling it “What Could Go Wrong?”, basing the name on some show or something . . . it’s an internet thing, we think. Please do check it out (and subscribe) at the What Could Go Wrong? YouTube Channel.

He should dress ‘im up all fancy in a matching suit and pants! Aw, how roly-poly.

Looks like a “Loser” to us.

“Hey Morton, pass the salt.” Nothing shines up a brand new paint job like burying a car in road salt. We suggest parking somewhere else in the future.


Just what every little girl wants for Christmas: Dil-Doh. Seriously, no one at Hasbro said, “Wait a second . . .”

This is horrifying. A child with a encephalopathic head tries to poison his dog with common household items. Then, for some reason, it gets racist. Watch this Precious Moments child try to kill his pet in Sniffy Escapes Poisoning (1967).

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: “I’m gonna play with my baby bongos, have fun every day with my baby bongos . . . a bird is on that basket, not a baby in a casket so it’s not another baby corpse.”

113 Snow Day

113 Snow DayLike gossamer feathers of small frozen birds the snow came down. And down it came. And even more of it came down because it couldn’t go up, not even back to that huge flock of naked, shivering birds who most likely hate Winter even more than we do, poor things. Such a mighty pile it made, and that over-abundance of crap blocked all access to the road and the world beyond. After a few hours of sisyphian labor trying to carve a path to freedom, both Skullard and his boss said, “Fuck it,” and that’s how we got ourselves a snow day. It’s the first we’ve had in many a year, and though it was paid for dearly in sweat and snot, we gladly made the most of it with hot food, cinnamon coffee and a leisurely afternoon podcast. Join us for a semi-carefree hour of bitching in the warm confines of not-work.

Some people use shovels to move snow. Others would rather carry a shovel around like a beloved pet, giving it a guided tour of buried parking lots and walkways. We have a message for those who are too protective of their special shovel friends.

Every so often we fall accidently into a hobby that could, if not guarded against, take over our lives and body/mass indexes.

Season 2 of House of Cards is worth whatever you’re paying for Netflix and then some. Are you really reading this when you could be watching Frank Underwood redefine evil? Shame on you . . . and it is on you, because Frank knows no shame at all.

Oh no! Do you have to make an important speech at that big business meeting? Are you trembling with yellow-bellied terror at the very idea? Of course you are, you worthless coward! Perhaps this week’s educational short will help you grow a pair. Please enjoy Speech: Stage Fright And What To Do About It (1949)!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Combining both “Pig Day” and “Plan A Solo Vacation Day”, here’s a pig humping a scooter. That’s one road trip that won’t turn into a horror movie. OR WILL IT!?!


109 Hocus Pocus

109 Hocus Pocus Luka and Skullard gear up for another battle with the Landlord From Hell as once again water comes pouring down from the ceiling. (NO IT DOESN’T!) But don’t worry, everything’s apparently fine forever. Unless of course, Skullard manages to lock himself out of the building again.

This week’s bad movie has been known to cause so much biting of nails and wetting of pants that its trailer was pulled from television. Anthony Hopkins descends into insanity alongside a figure which frightened him both on and off-screen in this week’s Bad Movie: Magic (1978).

Watch happily as a foolish young boy is nearly bitten by snakes and kicked by horses in this week’s thrilling educational short Safety With Animals (1961)!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Cheer up, everyone! It’s Soup Swap Day! Om nom nom! And who wouldn’t want to swap such appetizing bowls of vomit as these from “Thorton Truckstop Diner – Serving a variety of tempting, delicious, home-cooked foods at popular prices. Con Mucho Gusto!” As if there wasn’t enough to fear in Beaumont, Texas.

108.5 We All Have Our Things To Do


“We all have our things to do,” he said. And apparently what Luka had to do was sit around and be available for whenever he fancied to show up for days at a time. This week’s podcast is but the latest installment of our ongoing dealings with the grinning face of all evil: the Landlord. Having no oven quickly becomes the least of our problems as coping with this capricious cock-sucker consumes our entire existence. Luka gives you the blow-by-blow of this domestic disaster so you can sit back and revel at all the condescending and unapologetic ballsiness. This is a record of the crimes of the landed gentry. Enjoy.

108 Ice Cream Is Not A Sauce

108 Ice Cream Is Not A Sauce This week Skullard and Luka discuss the truly important things in life: cake, ice cream, ovens and eyeballs. KILLER eyeballs. Killer eyeballs from the 8th dimension. In the 8th dimension it’s okay to put ice cream on everything. But we’re living in the 3rd or the 4th dimension or something and it’s not okay here. It’s disgusting. Ice cream goes in bowls and cake goes on plates. One gets eaten with a spoon and the other with a fork. Never shall they meet!

Not getting enough attention from the opposite sex? You could stay at home all by yourself, sulking and whining. Or you go get out there and put your ass back on the market by flirting with every boy in sight. Learn how to snag yourself a man – ANY man by watching More Dates For Kay (1952)!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Does this look like sauce to you? Does it? Okay, the one in the middle has some kind of fruity sauce ON it, but you don’t put sauce on sauce do you? I mean, that kinda proves my point. And who puts sauce in a cone? That would be more like a crepe, wouldn’t it? People don’t put ice cream in crepes, do they? Please tell me they don’t. Aw shit, they do? Fuck! Like I needed something else to worry about. Ice cream and pancakes? Fuck me!

OVA – What’s That Sound?

We’re doing our best to laugh about all this, but it’s still kind of an open wound (as the continued dripping will attest to). Thanks to everyone who’s wished us well and is pulling for us. We appreciate all the positive thoughts for all the fucking good it does. No, really, thanks. We’re not kidding. It means a lot in a way, kinda.

Here’s how the drippage looked as of Saturday, March 23rd. Watch it . . . IF YOU DARE!

Behold! Skullard’s ingenuity in action! As you can see, when ol’ Skully puts his hand to a task, quality is job one.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: This is actually an antique postcard that bares a 1909 postmark and half-hearted note from Ed to his Aunt May in Manchester, Iowa (and that was the extent of the address too . . . it seems all you needed in 1909 was the name of the town and the postman could take care of the rest). But I chose this postcard not so much for its historic significance as to show you the type of person I expect the landlord to eventually send to fix the leak.