Category Archives: entertainment

035 Your Mom’s The Sixteenth Hole

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We like to say that we’re “spitting in the eye of a spiteful universe”. In order to do that though, you really have to hock up one hell of a loog. But that’s who we are and that’s how much we care. Here at What Could Go Wrong?, we give a spit. And since we know you’re all salivating for this episode, here’s the write-up!

Cripes, we went off this week. Are you a serious Star Wars fan? Then you won’t be one of ours after this episode. Luka makes it pretty clear how she feels about the classic space epic and its whore-daddy George Lucas. And Skullard lets you in on his contempt for Valentine’s Day and all who require a calendar to be sweet to their spouse once a year. In between those mini-rants, hatred towards our neighbors, animosity toward those who would curtail our freedom to swear like sailors, and some brilliantly misheard lyrics, we actually got a few news stories in. Another truck spilled crap all over the road, which we always love. A judge sentenced a husband to take his wife on a date, which by default sentences the poor wife to go on a date with her asshole husband. Perhaps he’ll take her to the sewage treatment plant, which we hear is the happening place to take your sweetheart this year. A golfer gets scolded by his mother for swearing, and a singer returns from the dead using the “Zombie Cave Escape Gambit.”

The movie this week isn’t actually a bad movie, which is curious since it’s getting a Bad Movie Review. In 2007’s Teeth, a sweet, young girl named Dawn has the worst luck with boys ever. Every guy in the movie, with the exception of her dad thankfully, rapes her. As it turns out, each of the assholes have pretty poor luck themselves, because poor Dawn has vagina dentata, which is a Latin term for the worst case of snapping pussy you’ve ever seen. Luka rates this a Great Intentionally Bad Movie, and Skullard rates it a bad date movie and a boner-killer. We over-analyze and deconstruct the hell out of this one, maybe because doing so takes some of the sting out of it.

Don’t forget to jump on over to our Facebook page on Valentine’s Day to see our special animated Valentine’s Greeting to you, our listeners . . . who we love . . . somewhat . . . perhaps.

Here’s some old footage of last year’s Hole Digging Competition from Japan. It’s a pointless sport, but then again, what sport isn’t? And these people are having fun. As Luka says, “Beats Nascar”.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Tami, The Transparent Woman. I saw her at the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry back in the third grade. She taught me a lot, and for years served as my only sex education. If you look carefully, you’ll notice she only has ONE set of teeth.

In this week’s exciting educational short, a gang of claymation teeth learn an important lesson about dental hygiene. Please be horrified by The Munchers: A Fable (1973)!

034 Flick It

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And so it begins: the long, cold slog that is February, the month of unnecessary Rs. Whatever it was that the groundhog said, it was a damnable lie. Spring is yet far, far away, and the next paid holiday isn’t till the end of May. On the plate before you now is weeks of dismal weather and spiralling thoughts of despair. With nothing really to look forward to other than March, what is there to keep us going forward and not just cashing it all in, kicking off the clogs and taking the long dirt nap? What Could Go Wrong? – the podcast of optimism and triumph over the grumpies. Stick with us, dear listeners, and we’ll get you through this Winter of discontent by turning it into a season of snark. We’ll keep you so busy pointing and laughing derisively at all the losers life has to offer, you won’t even realize it’s Spring again until it bounces up behind you and stabs you in the neck with a tulip.

We had so much fun postponing podcasting to visit the zoo! Of course, we do our best not to spoil the ending, because you might want to get out and see your own zoo sometime, and we wouldn’t want to ruin it for you. What we like to ruin on a regular basis is your faith in humanity with our recount of recent news. The Piggyback Bandit was sentenced to go home and “behave”, which is a light sentence indeed for such a heavy man. One man dies and sits rotting for nine hours in an internet cafe, and none of the other gamers around him can stop their grinding long enough to notice. Another schmuck gets to cross being a public nuisance off his bucket list. And Luka finds out there’s a lucrative business opportunity in pre-school palmistry. Oh, and by the way, happy belated Twin-Tail Day!

Luka reviews The Human Centipede (2009) this week, which is probably closer to this film than you ever want to get. C’mon, people! Stop accepting water from mad scientists! Just stop! It never ends up going to a good place. This notorious film dooms its victims to feed on excrement. And the characters in the movie don’t fare any better. Luka double-dog-dares you to watch this film, but if you don’t, she’ll never know, and you really won’t lose any face. Just keep that in mind.

One day in an alley, Skullard heard a voice telling him to bop it, twist it and pull it. He’s been playing solo ever since. On this podcast, he gets an annoyed Luka to join in. Get your mind out of the gutter.

For all of you Do-It-Yourselfers out there, here is the detailed instruction for your drain plug. Follow closely, and do not deviate.

The Vermont State Police challenge you to . . . Find the Pig!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Big Jack! Now there’s a rabbit for your ranch!

In case you missed him: Champis, the Sheep-herding Rabbit!

Ever wonder why all your friends are going places and accomplishing things while you’re a worthless sack of crap? Sure you have! Are you destined to die in pathetic obscurity? Perhaps! Is there anything you can do to change your terrible fate? Of course there is! Please view this week’s important educational short; Better Use Of Leisure Time (1950).

033 Organisms With No Meaning

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In our Imaginary Lives as Elves, our characters have been exploring the Hunter’s Maze in the subterranean city of Ilmuria to find a lost weapon that will help us in the coming war against the serpentfolk. As it turns out, the weapon is a cyclops general who’s been in temporal stasis for several millenia, but he’s ready to rejoin the ancient war against the snake people and help us stop them from bringing back their decapitated snake-god from the dead. With this kinda thrilling bullshit to distract us from real life, what would be so much fun that we’d put the dice away for a few hours? What Could Go Wrong? of course! And damn it, we did have a ball doing the show this week. It was worth putting an end to the killing . . . for now.

Heroic old women and shitty bank robbers were in the news this week, but for all the amazing stories we had to share, we just couldn’t shut up about all the television we’ve been watching. Now that’s news! Been wondering if Alcatraz and Touch are worth a view? Is it too late to get into Grimm, Luka’s favorite show? We take on the mantle of TV reviewers with all the class and credibility that you’ve come to expect from us. In other words, get ready for the hand-job jokes.

In this week’s Bad Movie Review, Luka leads us through a meandering mish-mash of mattress mayhem with 1977’s Deathbed: The Bed That Eats. This film is so bad that it simply must be intentional, but even that’s in question because even as it tries to mock itself, it can’t even do that well. Still, Luka labels this mess as a Lousy Intentionally Bad Movie. There are no sympathetic characters to cheer for, and the villain is bed for chrissakes. The only continuity is provided by a ghost stuck in a painting who’s even more bored with the story than we are. Still, the film got made, which is amazing in itself, and it also inspired Patton Oswalt to do a bit about it for his album Werewolves and Lollipops. You don’t need to see the film to enjoy his treatment of it, which you can listen to here . . . until the link gets taken down, that is.

Deathbed is hungry for people! And books! And wine! And apples! And fried chicken! And more people! Eat, Deathbed, eat!

Skullard is on about something or another again. What is it this time, home-schooling? Really? That barrel sure is full of fish there, Skully . . . you think that shotgun is going to be enough?

85 year old Dorothea Taylor is 97 pounds of Whup-Ass with a grain shovel. Ask any moose.

As embarrassing as this is, what’s really sad is that some parent is going to use this as a reason to home shcool their kid.

Hidden in the mud of the river Thames for more than 2,000 years, this ancient Roman brothel token was turned over to the Museum of London . . . for a handjob.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Here it is, the One and Only Triple Cushion Mattress! The bloody tears of a demon sold separately.

Hey, everyone! Let’s all have fun by respecting others’ property and obeying the rules! Thrill as a little boy learns basic chemistry skills! Will Herb find out about the broken test tube?! Please enjoy this week’s educational short, Let’s Play Fair (1949)!

This episode is dedicated in loving memory of Mr. Moose, children’s television star and ping-pong enthusiast.

032 Death By Cuteness

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Sometimes “What Could Go Wrong?” is just the title of our podcast. But sometimes, like this last week, it’s just a question we ask over and over. Or, more correctly, we ask “What Else Could Go Wrong?” The week leading up to this episode was laden with tricks and traps, screw-ups and let-downs, disappointments and all-out catastrophes. And then it was Tuesday. Even as we type, we hit Save Draft every twenty seconds because who knows when the computer is going to crash yet again. We lost our hard drive this week, and all the myriad treasures it contained, so we’re scraping by as best we can to put out this computer-created internet talk show. But none of that is meant as an excuse. When life hands us lemons, we suck ’em, and then do our podcast with a happy pucker. So join us in our defiance against the forces of bumming out and we can all be happy puckers together.

Curly the renegade goat has come home, so take down those yellow ribbons everybody. Life can finally begin anew. Unless you’re Paula Deen, of course, in which case it’s time to begin your diet anew. We learn this week that people on reality shows are creeps (NEWS FLASH!), court reporting is best done with puppets, and that you can rob a place with a staph infection. What you can’t do is jam cell phone signals to keep kids from cheating on tests or make your high school mascot some broad over 40 that likes to bang the lawn boy. My but the news can be so educational sometimes.

From the depths of the Amazon jungle and the cesspit that was 1980 comes the film for this week’s Bad Movie Review, Cannibal Holocaust. Luka calls this controversial film that put it’s director in jail and had him up on murder charges a Good Unintentionally Bad Movie. To this day, there’s still debate over just how much of this shock-horror classic is real and how much is movie trickery. Sadly, many animals were harmed in the making of this film, and among the many horrific images that might haunt you after viewing, we doubt you’ll ever be able to sit down to a bowl of turtle soup again.

This guy Dante (no relation) thought he’d do a little DIY brain surgery while he was building a shed. Looks like he nailed it.

Curly the Renegade Goat is back home, safe and sound. After 25 days in the wilderness, his owners have promised never to make him attend church again.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: I’m not sure if I should send this to Paula Deen, or if Paula Deen should send this out to her viewers.

All rise for . . . The Puppet Court!

Even though you are hungry after a tough morning at school, it is important not to be a Mr. Bungle in the lunchroom. Please observe this week’s educational short; Lunchroom Manners (1959)!

031 Her Dog Is A Moral Degenerate

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Hello listener. Even though, right at this moment, you’re more of a reader, you’ll always be a listener to us. Anyone can be a reader, but it takes special equipment to listen to a podcast, and we like to reward your investment by upgrading you to listener status. That’s right, you have status now. You can strut. Feel free. If you want to rub some reader‘s nose in it, that’s your call, we won’t stop you, but keep in mind you might need a favor from them later. You never know, some careless barrista might unintentionally squirt some steamed milk into your eyes, and you’re going to need a reader to get you on the right bus to take you to the hospital. Or some fink is juggling poor quality flash grenades which happen to go off just as you pass him, and now how are you going to finish that book report? Hope you were nice to your reader friend. Still, when all is said and done, you heard what was said and done and that other guy only got to read about it afterwards. Because you’re a listener, and he’s a reader. Try not to look down on him. Once, before podcasts came along, you were just like him. Oh, but if he tries to get all uppity with his new Kindle, smack it out of his hand and spit in his face.

So many liars. Lies, lies, lies. “Oh, I need some time off because my daughter’s dead in Costa Rica.”

“Could you drop me off at the hospital? I’m gonna have a baby for a few minutes. You can pick me up later.”

“I’m going to eat you, your family, and your dogs.”

You can’t believe a word anyone says anymore. “Just watch my pig for a couple of days, wouldja? I’ll be back for him, I promise.”

“It’s a new phone! I thought I had it turned off!”

“Hey, could you hurry and fill up my car please? What? Of course it’s my car!”

“It’s okay for me to park my horse here, right? I’ll be back in a minute.”

And then there’s the most insidous lie of all: “Nothing to worry about. Both of these hamsters are male.”

Luka brings you a Good Unintentionally Bad Movie this week with 1997’s craptacular Wishmaster. Wes Craven, Hollywood’s Master of Mediocre, churns out another middle of the road horror yarn with boring characters, a few interesting visuals and more fright-movie cameos than would ever be necessary. But, even with nothing more to recommend it, this film is worth a look solely for the title villain – The Wishmaster! He’s an evil genie, granting messed up wishes to unsuspecting saps all over town. Whatever you think you’re asking for, he’ll twist your words and give you either death or worse. He’s kind of like a corporate lawyer, but with magic! Worth a watch for a giggle and larf.

Skullard tosses off a couple of quick parodies in his Songs I No Longer Sing segment. As always, the guitar work is way off, but at least the songs are short, so no one has to suffer very long. And Freeloading is not autobiographical. Not completely. Sure, there was a patch there in the late 90’s . . . never mind.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: This dog was caught taking inappropriate pictures of underage puppies. They thought he was taking “art pictures”. Creepy mutt.

Please enjoy this week’s educational short, Three Little Kittens (1938)! An old hag allows her cat to get knocked up, and then unloads the kittens off on local shopkeepers. Here’s your kitten, Goodbye.

030 Potatoes Or Inbreeding

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Every day, we are judged on the language we use. If we express ourselves clearly and politely, the impression we make on others is one of intelligence and professionalism. If we’re not talking about stupid shit like pro wrestling or Rick Santorum, that is. But if we use naughty words and terms like “stupid shit”, we will be judged as dunderheads and degenerates by people who lack the vocabulary to call us fuck-wads and ass-munchers. Pity those poor, judgmental fart-huffing jizz-guzzlers for lacking the power to truly express themselves. Dumb bastards.

This week’s news had a heaping helping of daredevils and do-ers of dangerous deeds. Whether it’s bungee jumping into a croc-infested river, escaping prison, rescuing venomous snakes from a burning barn, or driving a potato truck, these thrill-seekers bravely risk life and limb for our eventual amusement. Thanks suckers! We also had our fair share of sneaks and villains, like the fake moustache bandit, the yearbook skank and her opportunistic mother, and the case of the missing viscera. But what really stands out this week are all the stories of magic: the Pie Fairy retires, a lonely car parks itself in a strange garage, and a roaming wizard gives an old woman a handful of magic seeds. Of course he did. What could go wrong?

Luka’s Bad Movie Review this week is Dolls from 1987. This Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie made quite the mark in its day, traumatizing young viewers for years and causing many a bed sheet to take an extra trip through the laundry. Sadly, you have to be under twelve and of poor bladder control to be actually scared by this quasi-horror mishap. Evil step-parents and punk rock sluts get their just desserts at the little plastic hands of homicidal dolls that won’t stop attacking you no matter how long you hold them to your throat. But the killer toys don’t attack the sweet little girl or the awkwardly nice pedo guy. The requisite happy ending, so sugary sweet that diabetics are encouraged not to watch, sets up nicely for a sequel that never arrived. And this was in the late 80’s when everything had a sequel. That, more than Luka’s review, should tell you just how bad this movie truly is.

Skullard breaks out another Song I No Longer Sing, and true to form, he shows how glaringly out of practice he is. He’s so out of practice, he didn’t even know his guitar had a built-in tuner. “The Nice Comedian” song used to be an opener for his act, but the best reaction to it he ever got was from his mother. Ah, church ladies . . . they’re so easy to impress.

Twenty tons of herring appear on a beach in Norway . . . then disappear! Sign of the End Times, or was that dog in the picture really hungry? You make the call!

Sydney Spies and her mother couldn’t see why this picture was deemed “too sexy” for the school yearbook. Neither can Skullard, because porn has taught him that all high school girls who want better grades look like this. What’s the big deal?

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: That kid in Idaho Falls covered the whole road when he spilled his truckload of potatoes. If he’d been hauling this mama around, he could have flattened a Prius or two.

In this week’s educational short, a little girl avoids the plague by following a set of obsessive-compulsive hygiene rules. Please enjoy Joan Avoids a Cold (1947)!

029 Uttering A Forged Instrument

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Welcome to 2012. What could go wrong? If you believe the Mayans, or certain John Cusack movies, everything. But we had doom-sayers in 2011, didn’t we? And how did that work out? Still had to show up for work, still had to do the laundry, and didn’t get to see the enemies of righteousness get smote by the wrath of a big “G” god. What a let down that was. And thanks to a big stone calendar you could roll down your driveway and into the street to crush passing traffic, a bunch of ancient mathematicians from Central America are getting our hopes up again. You want to hope for the best, but we’ve been burned by apocalyptic teases before. You think, “Hey, maybe the Four Horsemen will really show up this time”, but it turns out to be just a bunch of Shriners on minibikes. It’s hard to stay optimistic about the end of the world, but we here at What Could Go Wrong? are nothing if not optimistic. Hell, it’s in the title! So we here at the podcast wish you all the best in this upcoming, terminal year. Here’s hoping.

A renegade goat is eluding authorities in Minnesota (you can check the Google map of all the recent sightings here) and a cranky croc named Elvis takes a lawnmower hostage for a ransom of kangaroo meat. Believe it or not, those animals are the most intelligent characters in the news this week. All the humans are dumber than stumps. Mental-patient bank robbers, nudists fast food patrons and the guy who asks for change from his million dollar bill at a Walmart make homo sapiens seem less evolved than your average cantankerous reptile.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review this week takes on Dead Silence (2007), a movie with all the elements for a fine creepy film except for any kind of protagonist anyone would give a flying fig about. The movie shows a room full of 101 ventriloquist puppets that never move, and every one of them can out act the main character. The villain was scary, and there is a great twist at the end that makes it worth watching, but unless you’re a compulsive shaver, there’s no one in this film you’re going to relate to. This Good Unintentionally Bad Movie will either leave you speechless, or feeling like a dummy.

Remember last week when Luka told you real-life excuses she’d been given by friends? Wait until you meet her family. Our Luka looks back on the special New Year traditions her family celebrated. And by “celebrated”, we mean “survived.”

And for the New Year, Skullard pulls out an old song. In a new segment called Songs I No Longer Sing, Skullard officially retires one of the songs from his old stage act, never to be performed again. And when you hear these obsolete tunes, dear listener, you’ll know why they’re being sung for the last time.

You can mow Elvis’ lawn when Elvis says you can mow his lawn. Otherwise, he’ll take that mower, and then what will you use? Detective Lipton’s shaver? It’s worth losing a couple of teeth to show everbody who’s boss.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Elvis sent me this one himself. It seems he wants a visit.

This week’s educational short; Ways To Settle Disputes (1950) teaches disagreeing young people some alternatives to murder. Huzzah!

027 Like, You Know, Whatever

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It was hard-going this week at What Could Go Wrong. We had to bury Hello Kitty and wait around for the army to fix our roof. Luckily, things seem to have finally taken a turn for the better, and we’re all ready to get going with this week’s podcast! It’s some sort of Christmas miracle, perhaps!

The good news about our news segment this week is that several of the criminals are violent, scary, axe-wielding maniacs. Oh, and they’re still at large! Sure, the cops have no problem catching the pot-heads and the petty thieves (especially when said thieves pocket-dial the cops and tell them where and when to show up for the arrest), but the fugitives and hatchet-swingers all get away. Merry Christmas! Speaking of unexpected presents, there were plenty of surprise animals showing up in the news. You ever open a crate to find a swarm of spiders? You ever go down into you basement and find a sleeping bear? You ever go out to bury that dead pet only to find him sitting up and wagging it’s tail? Or how about showing up at a wedding reception to find the father of the groom has hired a couple of strippers? Surprise! And there’s good surprises as well, like the gold coin that showed up in another Salvation Army kettle. Finally, a study shows that the word “whatever” is the most irritating thing you can say. No surprise there.

This week’s Bad Movie Review features Dead Snow (2009), a Great Intentionally Bad Norwegian film about undead Nazis terrorizing medical students on a ski holiday. Full of gore, missing cold coins and absurdity, this is one of Luka’s personal favorites.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Enjoy the Lancaster line of chainsaws! If you have enough colorful chainsaws on hand, some cute girl will come straddle your log!

In this week’s bonus educational short, Play in the Snow (1945), we learn how much fun it can be to play in winter weather. Like building snowmen! Playing Fox and Geese! Tramping down the ring! Skiing! Sledding! And there are thrilling questions to be answered. What IS Charlie going to do with that shiny tin can?! What will Nell do with the dishpan?!

026 A Plain White Sack

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“Oh the weather outside is frightful,
It’s mean and nasty and spiteful,
And the temperature’s twenty be-low,
Fuck the snow! Fuck the snow! Fuck the snow!”

And if the weather isn’t bad enough, the Holiday Season is baring down upon us like that hormonal aberration in the fourth grade that would wait just outside the school to threaten you for your lunch money. He’s a copy write lawyer now, so nothing different there, and the holidays are just the same tired shit they’ve always been as well. We’ve been through it before and we’ll get through it again, this magical time of year. But maybe, at least for an hour or so, we can lighten your mental load with a big box of What Could Go Wrong? Consider it a short vacation in the middle of a long, long December.

Thieves! They’re everywhere! They’re stealing Santas, egg nog, toilet paper, and the dead. And the assault on asses continues with another botched butt enhancement (sorry, no pictures). And then there are the weird stories, like the guy who got himself shot right next to his own grave, proving it pays to plan ahead. Also planning ahead, one guy sends Christmas cards from the grave. And finally, somebody threw a rock into a Salvation Army kettle . . . a really nice, glittery rock.

The stink-pit that is the subject of this week’s Bad Movie Review is Scream Bloody Murder from 1973. Enjoy the story of how one boy with an Oedipus complex runs across some of the nicest, most pleasant people you’d ever want to meet. Oh, and then he kills their asses dead. That’s what you get for being nice. What begins as a P.S.A. about farm equipment safety eventually degenerates into a “One-Armed Bandit” version of Grand Theft Auto. Also, this Pretty Good Unintentionally Bad Movie marks the screen debut of Famous Amos (not really, but if you don’t watch this movie with some candy on hand, you’re going to want to go out and buy some).

Matthew surprises Vera by giving her her own palette knife;

The evil Matthew smothers an old lady in an epic battle! Then he threatens the life of a stupid dog.

And finally, Matthew just can’t understand why Vera doesn’t appreciate all the wonderful things he does for her. Sheesh!

Since we’re right in the middle of gift-buying season, Skullard decided to sound off after the fact and give you his Gift-Giving Guide. As a gift. No, you can’t return it for something better. This week’s Ramble doesn’t come with a receipt.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Say, having problems with your meat extrusion? You should really try the “easy squeeze” method. (Just what are we talking about?)

In this week’s educational short, young women learn to take better care of their bodies so they can remain attractive to men and healthy enough to bear children. Come on, girls. We know that’s all you really want. Please enjoy Girls Are Better Than Ever (1967)!

For the record: no Hello Kitties were harmed in the making of this podcast.

UPDATE: Follow us on Twitter! @WCGW That’s easy enough to remember, right?

025 Clean As A Whistle

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It’s our “Two Bits” episode! No, we’re not just doing two bits and calling it quits like lazy shits. We’re talking “two bits” as in, “Two bits, four bits, eight bits, a dollar! Everyone for Luka stand up and holler!” We assume you’re all standing. Two bits is the old-timey lingo for a quarter, which is twenty-five cents and this is episode twenty-five. See? Wasn’t that all delightfully clever? You can sit down now.

This week our report on all things wrong takes a day by day approach, but as it turns out, the more things go wrong, the more they stay the same. You may think you’ve heard some of these stories before. There are idiots stuck in chimneys, trucks overturning and scattering items all over the road, extreme home protection and wayward livestock. But we swear that none of these items have been recycled from previous shows. It’s just that history, especially the history of dumb people, likes to repeat itself. But don’t worry, because there’s plenty of new and thrilling elements to spice up our news segment. Everything from exploding tofu to gun-toting dogs to mystery metal from the sky! How’s that for exciting? So make sure you have plenty of Burger King pot on hand to keep you mellow through the rest of the show.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review for this week is Freaks (1932), which may get you thinking you’ve had a bit too much of that drive-through pot. It’s a sordid tale of emotional manipulation and cultural discrimination, and the dialogue could have dribbled out of a pulp detective novel. But what makes this film exploitive, troubling and fascinating is its real life, side show cast. The Twilight Zone-esque morality tale and shocker ending both take a back seat to the performers and the various physical challenges they have to live with. Quite P.C. for its time, this film could never be made today. Luka calls it a Good Unintentionally Bad Movie, and Skullard calls it one that will stick with you for days.

Skullard hates whistlers, which is obvious when you listen to his Ramble this week, but don’t let his unrestrained rancor fool you. As much as he seems to detest those who tunelessly twitter, he actually hates them more. More than you can imagine. More than anyone should be comfortable with. When he says he hates these assholes, he ain’t just whistling Dixie, because that’s an antiquated reference to our country’s racist, confederate past that offends him almost as much as the foul mouthed stink-generator he works next to every morning. Yeah, it gets a little personal.

Finally, worry not, oh Podcast Listener! Luka was not harmed at the end of this episode. It was all in fun, or at least that’s how we explained it after the neighbors called the police. Damned neighbors! Can’t even enjoy a little mock domestic violence without them getting their knickers in a twist. Nosey assholes.

However you might handle a chunk of metal this size smashing through your ceiling, in this apartment, we’d need to do another load of laundry. Underwear, specifically.

Waldo, the renegade bull, remains on the loose. Somehow, he lost his striped hat and glasses.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection:

Mother: Look Junior. This is called a “Top”.

Junior: Dad says you’re a top.

Mother: That was very naughty of Daddy to say that! Mommy will have to paddle him later for being such a bad boy.

Dad: Goodie!

In this week’s educational short, Each Child Is Different (1954), teachers are warned about various life problems their students could be facing. Bullying! Domestic Abuse! Poverty! And other hilarious problems!