Category Archives: bad movies

016 I’m Afraid I Can’t Do That

Posted on by

Hey Podcast Listeners! In many ways, this week’s episode is a tribute to mankind’s ingenuity and inventiveness. In a few ways, at least. To be fair, there are a couple of ways we bring up enginuity. One way? Okay, in no way is this episode a tribute to anything. You made me say it. Happy? It’s just a silly podcast, and that’s all it is.

In the news segment, we have an update on the Arkansas Toe-Sucker case, so all of you out there with feet can rest easy tonight. But don’t worry, there are still plenty of strange pervs out there washing their trucks in the nude and stripping the bras off women through magic. Then we have the usual stories of dryer thefts and cat burglaries. But we do actually have a few stories of inventiveness: explosive cremains, talking rubbish bins and a motorcycle that runs on human fecal matter. Could we make this shit up? If we could, we could fuel the Poopcycle.

I Drink Your Blood is the bad movie this week in Luka’s Bad Movie Review. What can a little boy do when a gang of Satanist bikers rape his sister and beat up his grandfather? Give those meanies some meat pies, that’s what. But make sure the meat in the pies comes from a rabid dog. So, once a gang of Satanist bikers become a rabid gang of Satanist bikers, only love, peace and fluffy kittens could ensue, right? What could go wrong?

For the first time in a while, we bring back the Anime Review with no small bit of gushing over K-On! This slice of life anime is one of the most successful in recent years, and if Luka and Skullard are to be believed, there’s good reason for that. Find out why Luka named her own guitar “Yui”.

No Random Encounter this week, unless you count Skullard’s battle with a new appliance. Oh, the humanity. Oh, the cursing.

It’s K-On! The amazingly cute friendship anime where Rock and Role Rebels help each other study for exams.

Do you have what it takes to fuel the Poopcycle?

Have you been trying to escape from your horrific and worthless life? Should you? Today’s bonus educational short; Facing Reality (1954) may or may not hold the answer!

I can see you’re really upset about this podcast. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

015 Nobody Should Be In A Bucket

Posted on by

Vacation, such as it was, is over, and it’s time for Skullard to put his nose back to the grindstone until it’s ground down to just so much meat, leaving a shredded, bloody hole in the middle of his newly ravaged face. Some jobs are like that. But rather than dwell on the failure of his life choices, we spend our last day of freedom celebrating what we’ve done right, which is “What Could Go Wrong?”.

Remember back when this was a podcast about Anime and Bad Movies and we only used the news to warm up the ol’ talking muscles? Holy Poo-Fuzz! The news keeps creeping, slowly taking over more and more of the show. If only it wasn’t so easy to find stories of things going wrong and people being . . . themselves. PETA is putting out porn while chihuahuas are being dragged from cars. One drunk gets arrested multiple times in one night while another gets his DUI on a tractor. Check your doors and windows, because if it isn’t a burglar in your house, frying bacon or leaving uncooked chicken in your heating ducts, it could be a family of skunks that have decided to house-sit. Learn about all the wonderful food festivals going on in a town near you, then check your back yard for jars full of fingers. And finally, which would you choose: a year in jail or a year in church? Think very, very carefully.

This week’s Bad Movie Review is 2010’s surrealistic meta-fest Rubber(2010), where a used tire goes on a killing spree. You read that right. It’s a movie about a used tire on a killing spree. Not the kind of movie you want to watch alone. Luckily, the movie itself provides you a bunch of jerks to watch the movie along with you. Thoughtful, huh? This is a pretty Lousey Intentionally Bad Movie that makes fun of itself even as it’s making fun of you for watching it. Why? No reason.

Finally we get our chuckles on with a couple of Anime Lyrics, not compiled in a guessing game, but just read staight out for you to appreciate in all their nonsense.

What’s a website for if you can’t post pictures of some cute animals being cute. We talked about baby squirrels; here’s your freekin’ baby squirrels!

Had enough? No you haven’t.

How dare you not appreciate the wonder of springs! You shall be harshly punished, fool! Please enjoy this week’s bonus, educational short; A Case Of Spring Fever (1940)!

014 Stop The Hamburglar Before It’s Too Late!

Posted on by

It’s episode 14, and the “What Could Go Wrong?” podcast personalities are on vacation. Vacation from work, that is. This podcast is not considered work. It’s play. Besides, we’re flat-assed broke, so since we’re just going to be sitting around the house anyway, why not make a podcast? What else are we gonna do, indulge in our imaginary life as elves? Well, yeah, we’ve been doing that too. Anything to avoid chores. Maybe later we’ll do something two-player on the PlayStation. Then after that, we’ll play a video game. Ha! See what I did there? Praise me!

This week’s news saw the cause of justice advanced by the arrest of two, count ’em, two animated characters getting arrested. Also, it is now safe again to deliver pizzas in Rhode Island, much to your obvious relief. And, should you lose your Hot Dog Man, rest assured the authorities will reunite you with your wayward sausage dude. Not all is roses and red peppers, though. Assholes abound in our fair nation, some in the form of faux cancer con-artists, others who consider Weekend At Bernie’s to not be an 80’s comedy but a valid option for a night out on the town. Special attention is given to the whiney fat-ass who wants special attention from White Castle Burgers because his fat ass is too fat to fit in between the table and the seat (Waaaaaaah!). Oh, and don’t forget that there’s a toe-sucker on the loose. It’s almost enough to drive an orangutan to smoke.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review covers 1985’s The Stuff, but all she really needed to cover was the first three minutes of this stinker. Just recalling it gets Skullard laughing so hard his gut started to hurt, which is getting off easy when dealing with the Stuff. This is one Lousey Intentionally Bad Movie, that really deserves a remake. We call dibs, Hollywood. Start holding your breath.

And the Anime Lyrics Game returns with a truly surprising result. Find out what “I am eating sticky things without shameful feelings” means. You may be surprised or not.

Thanks so much for tuning in to our podcast, Dear Listener. We love the fact that you give even half of a rat’s posterior, which is just enough, according to the best science available, to put us in your ears. We love it in there. We’re the voices in your head that you don’t have to obey. All we ask, is that you enjoy . . . and maybe use a q-tip every so often.

Although Gumby’s reign of terror has ended, SpongeBob has taken to street-fighting;

But no not despair, because pumpkins are plentiful. Apparently they grow on trees now;

Are you not eating enough oatmeal and bacon for breakfast? Are you substituting crappy cookies for a good bowl of soup? You shall be punished with a stomach ache! Please improve your health by obeying this week’s educational short; Good Eating Habits (1951).

013 Many Dogs Barking At A Can Of Soup

Posted on by

If you’re putting out a podcast called What Could Go Wrong? and you get to the thirteenth episode, you’re kinda just asking for trouble. All things considered, we got off easy with only minor plumbing problems. On the upside, we went to a birthday party for lions. Can you say that? Liar.

For once, we’re on the side of the police and authorities during our news segment. We have nothing but respect and praise for our public servants who shovel fish heads when needed and force the naked to cover their asses. The animals, though, are out of control! They’re carjacking, stowing away on boats, and getting drunk on fermented apples. Gauche, right? But the animals have to take a back seat to the snake biters, shirtless samurai, and criminal claymation characters. Honest, going into this episode, I thought we’d had a slow news week. Shows what I know.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review this week is 1987’s The Gate, a horror movie minus the horror. Just one step up from a Fear Street book, this movie shows how easy it is to accidently open a portal to the Abyss when all you’re really trying to do is get closer to your sister. And for this week’s anime, we give a tap to Ghost Stories, or to be more specific, the ADV english dub of Ghost Stories from 2005. Veteran voice-over talent take a mediocre children’s anime and turn it into seriously funny adult entertainment by changing the words a’la What’s Up, Tiger Lilly? It’s one of our fond favorites.

Because superstition still abounds, even in our modern life, Luka helps us understand where bad luck comes from so we can all avoid misfortune. You may not be aware of all the unlucky things that you come in contact with every day, like that lone duck or the bastard who keeps throwing nickles at you. But now you can be prepared, and if you want, you can start carrying your own nickles to curse your enemies. What other podcast is going to teach you that?

So, there it is. Sorry about the whole curse thing. It’s kind of a contractual obligation situation. Of course, there’s one easy way to avoid the curse of the thirteenth podcast that doesn’t involve melons: tell somebody else about the show. Tell five other people. See if you can get any of them to listen and subscribe on iTunes. Then your curse will be lifted and you will be blessed for the remainder of your days. Or until the next season of Dancing With The Stars starts up. Some curses cannot be broken, sadly.

Luka has been having arguments with a crow in a tree outside our window. But things could be worse. At least there’s no drunk moose perched in our tree. Imagine those arguments.

“Gimme all yo’ money! I’m Gumby, Dammit!”

As soon as they capture Gumby, they’ll put him (of course) in the pokey.

I know we didn’t really talk in detail about Ghost Stories (ADV version 2005), so you probably have no idea who all these characters are. Don’t worry. Just watch the goofy-ass show.

Why not make your disgusting dinner time with your loathsome family something to look forward to? A Date With Your Family (1950) provides comtemporary advice on how to have more fun at your fucking supper table. Remember you pretty up your hair, girls – the men have had a tough day.

012 This Is Not What The President Intended

Posted on by

Happy Labor Day, everybody! We’re celebrating this long weekend by doing what we do any other weekend, but taking longer to do it. The more time we have, the more time we waste. Life is ours to squander, and every time you give us a listen, you let us squander a little of your precious time on this planet too. Thanks for that.

Dogs feature fairly heavily in the news this week, either saving someone or being saved. So dogs are either an asset or a liability, depending. Or they’re sidekicks for supervillians. Also, people are turning in lost wallets in cases where honesty turns out to be either an asset or a liability, depending. We’ve stories of people sticking things in their pants which they shouldn’t, naturally, and things that should be in people’s pants getting scattered all over the road for no apparent reason. And we’re very happy to give you the follow-up on Yvonne the Cow, because we know you’ve been on tenderhooks about that story. (Oops! Did I say too much?)

Our usual reviews were hijacked this week by an unexpected Netflix treasure called Alien Vs. Ninja (2010). A bad movie with many anime-like traits, we got to laughing so hard at this goofy thing that we needed to share it with you. Whether you watch it as an Intentionally Bad Good Movie or a Four Star live-action anime, it’s a lot of fun if you like dopey-looking alien costumes, martial arts in the woods, or a hot chick in really tight body armor.

The die is cast twice for a double-dose of Random Encounters, and Luka does the patriotic thing by filling you in on the historic significance of Labor Day. Always educational, that’s us.

If you like to listen to us when you’re at work, you’re a day late, buddy. No holiday for us, though. We put our podcast out there on time! We’re no slackers. Just two people with little better to do than be disembodied voices in your ears. Why would we ever want to take a day off from that?

Yvonne has stopped her wandering and turned herself in. Lonely no longer, here she is, safe and sound, with her friend Friesi.

Pullling into a gas station, the last thing you want to see is a flaming car. Here’s the aftermath:

Alien Vs. Ninja (2010) Truth in advertising – it’s got aliens, it’s got ninjas, and as an added bonus, a hot chick in tight pants!

Are you a social outcast? Have you been specifically not invited to parties? Perhaps it is due to your poor hygiene and rudeness. If only you had a Fairy Godmother to help you! Please enjoy this week’s educational short; Cindy Goes To a Party (1955)!

011 A Pinch Of Cayenne Pepper Is Worth A Pound Of Whatever

Posted on by


Happy Toilet Paper Day everyone! It’s an appropriate holiday, seeing as so much of our news this week dealt with either bathroom hyjinks or assholes. Or bull semen. Regardless, much of the news this week requires keeping sanitary tissues of some sort on hand. We’re sorry.

This week’s Bad Movie Review dives into the depths of Deep Blue Sea (1999), a movie so fine that L. L. Cool J outshines the rest of the cast. “Let’s make these sharks hyper-intellegent! What could go wrong?” Brilliant concept, to say the least.

The anime discussion gives a little lesson on dating sims, romance anime and how they all link back to those old Choose Your Own Adventure books. We talk about Rumbling Hearts and explore some of the options that may have made it a more interesting, though troubling show.

And because Skullard is a masochist, the Anime Lyrics Game returns to punish him. Do not pity the man. He asks for it.

Rumbling Hearts (2 stars) – Fer Christ’s sake, ya wanna cry a bit more?

Do you think you’re normal? Do you think you’re popular? Think again. As it turns out, your friends may very well see you as some sort of hideous clown! Learn your motherfucking lesson with this week’s educational short If Mirrors Could Speak (1976):

010 Who Took A Dump In The Car Wash?

Posted on by

This is What Could Go Wrong?‘s tenth episode, and we couldn’t be more proud. We now have an episode for each Commandment, and there’s a better than good chance that we may have broken each of them, not that we’re keeping track. Thanks for listening and encouraging us this far, and we hope you’ll stick with us until we make the jump from two digits to three . . . and beyond maybe?

If you like your women on the edge, the news this week will supply your needs in abundance. They’re robbing banks. They’re attacking hobos. They’re smashing their cars into random buildings. We even have a story about one woman who leaves her helpless welp on the street to fend for himself . . . for ten minutes. But don’t you think we’re picking on the ladies, because we have praise a’plenty for photographer Jen McKen (Check out her website and blog here) who is our hero of the week! In all seriousness, anyone who takes a stand against bullies in her community is all aces in our book. Give her some love on her website or Facebook, and if you live in her area, give her your business. Support your local artistic hero.

This week’s Bad Movie Review is the 1972 man vs. nature classic Frogs. Find out why Luka rates this as one of the Great Unintentionally Bad Movies out there for your enjoyment. Also, find out which curse Skullard is most like to use when he slips into his “old man” voice.

Our Anime Review returns with the best anime we could ever recommend: Naoki Urasawa’s Monster. No kiddin’, anime doesn’t get any better than this. If you thought all anime was about chicks with guns and giant robots, you’ve no idea what the medium is capable of. It’s all just sitting there on Netflix, waiting patiently to rock your world.

And just for the giggles, we vent a little about them twazy Vampires and some of the losers who think they really are undead bloodsuckers. We shatter the myth of causal relationships between media and criminal behavior with a simple equasion: a dick is a dick is a dick.

Please share this silly ol’ show with your friends, and if you can, give us a nice iTunes review. We promise to say nice things about you in return. Go ahead. What could go wrong?

Monster (5 stars) Mix The Fugitive with Silence of the Lambs and you’ll start to get an idea of this amazing story.

Some interesting things happen when you translate Japanese into Chinese and then into English. Strange things . . .

One member of the Hello Kitty Army takes issue with our whole Vampire discussion.

Two spine-tingling clips from the movie Frogs! First of all, lizards kill an arrogant rich guy using a greenhouse and their knowledge of chemistry:

And then, a dumb old lady goes hunting for butterflies and ends up enraging every damn creature in the whole stupid forest:

Finally, did you realize that your tardiness and filthiness could somehow interfere with your social life? Apparantly it can! Your choices are to either weep in vain, or learn from this weeks educational short; Habit Patterns(1954).

009 I Saw Three Marvelous Things

Posted on by


Cows are on the lam and Robo-horses are sent to capture them. Spiders stow away on a train stopped by a kitten when geese sound the alarm. None of this happened, but all of this happened (kinda) in this week’s news. One man is convicted by his fecal output while another is fired for washing in his own urine, so we have our scatalogical references covered. And, of course, someone thought dead is very much alive and a child drives a car. How could we do an episode without those?

This week’s Bad Movie Review covers 2002’s gross-out fest Cabin Fever. Nasty, nasty, nasty! If you don’t have anything nice to say, you’re looking at a pretty short review for this piece of garbage. Luckily for us, we’re not obliged to be nice.

The Random Encounter is back with an impromtu double-shot of awesome words and a movie title game. And a trip back from the grocery store delivers a surprising number of observations from Luka. (Spoiler Alert: the number is 3.)

So that’s our mean ol’ naughty number nine. With this episode we say a tearful fairwell to single digits. It’ll be a long time before we graduate to triple digits, of course, but don’t put it past us. We’re ambitious little flibbertigibbets.

Yvonne the Cow continues her desperado lifestyle – “Cloe, I’m going dark!”

This is not the California Raisins with jaundice. This is a marriage proposal. Show some respect.

Have you contracted a horrible flesh-eating virus? Are you peeing on your hands and face for cosmetic reasons? Have you gone completely mad and envisioned giant bars of soap giving you a lecture in the middle of the night? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, please observe thing week’s educational short, Soapy the Germ Fighter (1951)!

008 Be On The Lookout For Orange Goo

Posted on by

We have so much news this week, you’d think we were NPR. Then you’d listen and think, “No, I owe Scott Simon an apology.” Still, there’s a lot of news, and no small portion of it about hillbillies. Lawd, how we love those uncultured denizens of the back woods. They’ll pick up roadkill to turn into clothing, let thier children drive thier trucks and stick thier hands into unidentified substances to get a good, long sniff. We also provide you with more than your recommended daily allowance of wildlife: lions and lobsters and bears (Oh, my!), a hungry rat and some schmuck in a bunny suit wearing a tutu. And if you ever wondered how the Skullard/Luka consortium feels toward bullies, we go on the record with our response to such vile, low-life pig-fuckers.

This week’s Bad Movie Review considers Sleepaway Camp (1983), a shocking tale with a twist ending we saw coming several miles away. Relive those care-free days of summer as you watch one body pile atop the last. Sure, the killings are brutal and gruesome, but the blow is softened a bit considering everyone attending this camp is a rank asshole. And you thought church camp was a pain in the ass.

You’re in on the ground floor as Skullard pitches his idea for an anime series. This could be our ticket, boys and girls. Or not.

This is a long one, so strap yourselves in. There wasn’t even time to have a Random Encounter! We’ve really got to learn to restrain ourselves, and that’s not code for kinky stuff. Get your mind out of the gutter, and get it into Episode 008 of What Could Go Wrong? Enjoy!

Mmmmm . . . get some tail with some nice, fresh rat-bread

Here’s the protagonist of Skullard’s new anime Stir-Fry Panic! A Star is Bjorn!

Should you allow petty day-to-day problems fill you with violent rage? Probably not! This weeks short Control Your Emotions (1950) helps you learn how to cope.

007 Up The Yinyang And Out The Wazoo

Posted on by

The dead walk, animals attack, and Catholics give up thier cowboy ways. Is this the cataclysmic end of everything? Nah, it’s just a bit of the news in this latest episode. Find out how you can save money on medical care with common kitchen utensils and the best way to survive a building collapse while getting your hair done. Chew on that, you people say our podcast has no educational value!

Bucket of Blood (1959) is the featured movie for Luka’s review, and it’s, like, wild baby. You grock? All you cats and kittens are going to dig the hipness of this Corman classic. Then our Anime Review returns with an all out caution against Loveless, or as we call it, a Bucket of Suck. In anime, as in all things, let the buyer beware.

We pull the dice back out to bring back our Random Encounter segment, which this week gets a bit more random than originally intended. Honest. We never meant to talk about Glory Holes. It just kinda happened.

And those are the varied elements that make up our lucky (!?!) seventh episode. Please share this show with your friends, as it’s healthy to put relationships to the test now and again. And practice good dental hygiene. It’s important. Remember, four out of five dentists surveyed never invite the fifth one to thier parties.

Loveless: Is it a creepy pedo anime that’s boring or a boring anime with creepy pedos? We’d say, “You decide”, but then you’d have to watch it.

Wow, clips from A Bucket Of Blood!

How will stupid Walter react to a girl coming on to him?

What’s the best way to make a bust? By severing off a real head, of course.

How many horrible molesters are stalking you right now? If only there were some way to find out!