Category Archives: entertainment

024 The Tractor Is Not Truly To Blame

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“Did you have a good Turkey Day?” “Did you eat too much?” “Did you watch any football?” These are among the stupid questions we were asked this week, to which the answers were all a resounding “No.” We spent Thanksgiving at the Urgent Care trying to figure out why Skullard’s back hurts every time he visits the potty. A test was run, a digit was poked into an orifice, and we were shown the door. We wanted to know if they could figure out what was wrong, if they could fix it, and if there was at the very least something they could do for the pain, to which the answers were all a resounding “No.” But you can’t go into detail like that when someone cheerily asks you, “Did you have a good Thanksgiving?” They don’t want the real story. They just want you to nod, say something pleasant, and leave all mentions of anal probing out of it. But, here you are, getting all the grim and gritty details of our lousy holiday without even asking. Just one more thing you can be thankful for this holiday season. Your welcome.

How come nobody asks, “Did you injure anybody while shopping on Friday?” The annual Black Friday violence fest has been well documented on other news outlets (yeah, like we’re a news outlet), so we tried to concentrate more on fraud cases in Miami. Old people were scammed into buying 70 years worth of special turd-busting toilet paper, which was probably called “treated bathroom tissue” to make it sound fancy-schmancy. Either way, you wipe your ass with it, Granny. Another ass was treated much worse by a tranny doctor-impersonator that charged $700 to inject super glue and “fix-a-flat” into a poor woman’s butt cheeks.

Come to think of it, the news was fairly ass-heavy this week with the “Frosty the Snowman” who kicked a police dog, the barely literate burglar who wrote a critique of his victim, and the German gynecologist who took secret photos of his patients during exams. The biggest ass of all, of course, belonged to the 400 pound Chunks Lardberger who paid for one seat and took up two, forcing the other paying customer to stand in the aisle for the entire seven hour flight. But don’t worry, the airline was able to prove they were sizable asses themselves by making it up to the inconvenienced traveler not at all. Even Greyhound knows you have to refund tickets when a bus driver wanders off into the night, stranding passengers for several hours. We’re not sure why that happened, nor are we sure why some twitchy guy left a million bucks in a suitcase in a pizza joint in Australia. Those stories you’ll just have to finish yourself. And finally, we have two stories about that special bond between young boys and their mothers, which in some cases, can best be expressed by smacking some fuckhead in the face with a board.

In 1989, when hair was huge and tasers were exciting, The Fly 2 was made. Custom made, you would think, for Luka’s Bad Movie Review, because this movie stinks like a fly’s lunch. This Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie tried and failed to relive the glory of its predecessor through the story of Martin Brundle, “Son of the Fly”. But the milk-sop, paste-eating dweeb we’re given for a hero is such a pale reflection of his father that you end up hoping he’ll travel through the teleportation pods with anything just so he might get a personality grafted on to him. Both Luka and Skullard dig out the lulz from this cesspit so that you don’t have to get your boots dirty. Again, you’re welcome.

They say, “If you can imagine it, it exists somewhere.” Really? Luka’s going to put that theory to the test. Skullard, for his part, is going to get a towel for the water that shot out his nose.

“Those passengers on the right side of the plane can see the ground right now. On the left side, you should have a pretty good view of the sun. Would Gordo the Wonder Chub please lean to his left?”

Mmmm . . . Spudnuts! The tasty glazed treat that’s so much better than your regular doughnut. Why would you put a regular doughnut on a postcard? You wouldn’t! But that’s because they’re not Spudnuts!

In this week’s educational short; The Benefits of Looking Ahead (1950), teens ask themselves serious questions. What do I want to do with my life? Who do I want to be when I grow up? Should I try harder in shop class? Will I be a drifter or a bum?

023 With Fresh Tomatoes

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There are things man was not meant to know. Secret knowledge has been kept from the populace at large, partially for their own protection, but mostly in order to hide the world’s inner workings from the light of day. If the common folk knew what was being kept from them, there would be everything from rioting in the streets to mass suicides. Only a select, privileged few are privy to the secrets of the inner circle. But as small in number as the mysterious Secret Masters are, there are still more of them than there are people listening to our podcast. So feel special. You’re one of the What Could Go Wrong? elite, just by knowing we exist. Talk about your “secret knowledge”.

Can you believe how uptight people are these days? You put the word “sex” in a poster to put up on a courthouse wall, and some concerned citizen has a hissy fit with fresh tomatoes. It’s getting so bad that hikers can’t tromp nude across the Alps and teachers can’t put up porn sites with fresh tomatoes. Where’s the justice? Well, the justice is coming down, and hard, on the usual batch of dimwit criminals we get to talk about this week. A guy gets busted for being drunk in an “I’m A Drunk” t-shirt, a schmuck tries texting the police to score drugs, and a would-be burglar spends ten hours stuck in a chimney with fresh tomatoes. Plus, the bad guys are making it so easy for the cops to find their drugs; they’re actually gift-wrapping it with fresh tomatoes. There are a few clever folks in the news, just to reassure us that not everybody’s stupid. One guy cons his way into the best seats at a soccer match, and two Romanians turn doughnut cards into ATM cards, making them a lot of dough with fresh tomatoes. And some rage-a-holic attacks a snow plow with an ax with fresh tomatoes. How troubling is that? Almost as much as finding a severed bison head in your rock garden with fresh tomatoes. And you know what goes best with fresh tomatoes? Chicken pox lollipops. They’re the perfect treat when you’re listening to the news with fresh tomatoes.

This week’s Bad Movie Review is 1986’s The Fly with fresh . . . no, wait a second . . . flies like rotten tomatoes. We’re not sure how Rotten Tomatoes rated this movie, but Luka calls it a Great Unintentionally Bad Movie, and if you haven’t seen it yet, what’s it like being Amish? This movie is ooey-gooey, and not in that good way, which is too bad considering you get to see Gina Davis in her panties. More in the way of getting to see a baboon turned inside out. The Fly has the unique distinction of being the first film Luka has reviewed that actually won an Academy Award, so that just shows you what They know. It must have been part of the conspiracy.

Skullard’s Ramble this week is on conspiracies and the Secret Masters who hatch them. To give you fair warning, this is dangerous information that They don’t want you to know. You may be putting your life at risk just listening to it. But if you insist on hearing this garbage, remember that somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle trained agents will start monitoring your downloads . . . so easy on the porn!

You can always trust Cookie Monster. He’s not up to anything sneaky at all.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Yes, he actually has a postcard with fresh tomatoes!

Are you worried about the A-Bomb? Don’t be, silly! This week’s educational short; Atomic Alert (1951) teaches children how to survive a neuclear blast by hiding under their beds. Or their coats. Also please wash your hands with laundry soap after being blown up.

021 Stabbing Your Boots With a Hunting Knife

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Thanks to Daylight Savings, we had a whole extra hour to podcast this week. Unfortunately, we frittered that hour away making reckless love and quoting poetry. Or not. Okay, we actually sat staring at each other slowly counting to 60, 60 times in a row. The first one to yawn has to clean the litter boxes. Do we not live life to the fullest? If you can’t account for the extra hour the powers that be granted you this weekend, just say that you spent it listening to What Could Go Wrong? Podcast #021! You know they’re going to ask, so you’d better get your story straight ahead of time.

Isn’t it amazing that when a freeway is blocked by broken pumpkins, it gets cleared in time for rush hour, but when it’s doughnuts spilled all over the road, the cops take DAYS to get things cleaned up. Priorities, man, priorities. The stupid criminals this week were pretty cooperative, all things considered. One guy got arrested already wearing a prison outfit, another dropped straight through the ceiling into the waiting arms of the police, and a third dipshit just sat around watching TV until the police showed up. Actually, he watched TV until someone cracked him on the skull, knocking the guy out cold. I wonder if the knocker used one of those legalized billy clubs they’re using in church these days. Weapons are now a viable accessory to your church wardrobe in Wisconsin, allegedly. If you’re asking “What would Jesus do?” and your answer is, “Pack heat,” it may be time to go back and read that New Testament thingee. I’m just saying. The 79 year old woman in Berlin knew the right, moral thing to do when she was handed a bag full of cash instead of cold cuts. Too bad the other Berliner (isn’t that a doughnut?) couldn’t tell the difference between art and a stain on the ground. And we learn that vengeance just isn’t worth it when a sandwich maker tries to get back at a cop by tossing pubes onto his egg sandwich. Mmmmmm, pubey. Good thing he didn’t try that stunt around those mixed martial artists from Eugene, because they would have put the hurt on the jerk faster than he could slice a bagel. Allegedly.

It seems like Stephen King can’t write anything anymore without somebody trying to make a movie out of it, even if it’s a short story. The movie 1408 (2007) gives the original story more padding than an over-stuffed hotel pillow. John Cusack stumbles slack-jawed all over a haunted hotel room, gets abused by moving pictures and pleasant phone voices, and gets into the most violent, knock-down, drag-out fight ever waged against a mini-fridge. Will he survive a night in a room with a will of its own, especially considering it has access to his credit card number? Luka gives it a rating of a Good Unintentional Bad Movie for this week’s Bad Movie Review.

As we all know, our feet are two of the most under-appreciated parts our body has. It’s important to take care of them. With this in mind, Skullard abandons the silliness for once and delivers a heart-felt public service announcement on the importance of proper footwear. Sure, the podcast is supposed to be about laughing and having fun, but taking care of your feet and ankles is no laughing matter. So please, for the good of your feet and overall well-being, please take Skullard’s humble words to heart. Your tootsies will thank you.

And we finish up this episode with a double Random Encounter. Really? Double!?! What, is it your birthday or something? Look at you, making out like a bandit. Way to go, bud! You should get out there and buy a lotto ticket while you’re on a roll like this. Seriously. Just consider throwing a little of those winnings our way, since we gave you the idea. Go ahead, live a little! What could go wrong?

Next time you decide to rob a motel, make sure there isn’t a mixed martial arts convention going on. Just sayin’.

Are you walking down the street properly? Or are you some sort of moron? Find out in this week’s bonus educational short; The ABCs of Walking Wisely (1959)!

019 The Kind That Goes RrrRrr Around

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Put your clothes in the dryer, throw in a Bounce ™ sheet and insert the requisite number of quarters. Now press “Play”. It’s that time of the week when we ponder “What Could Go Wrong?” and invite you to ponder right along with us. In a week where bad news has laid a heavy hand on our spirits, we gladly bring you the stupid, the lame, the idiotic and the down-right silly. As the world goes wrong around you, relax and enjoy the small, goofy island that we’ve erected for your pleasure. (*Snerk* “Erected.” )

Sorry New Mexico, but we’re going to keep picking on you until you straighten up your act. Stop driving through pumpkin patches and stealing cow statues. It’s rude. And panty thieving? Really? Grow the hell up! You’re not ninjas, so leave the ladies understuff alone. Panties aren’t the only things getting lifted this week, though. The LAPD’s SWAT team had their guns stolen. There’s a story that’ll help you sleep at night. Don’t sleep too soundly, though, or your wife will try cutting off your head with a reciprocating saw. Why a reciprocating saw? Because it’s handy. It’s also a good idea to keep a broom handy just in case Spiderman tries to hold up your convenience store with a sword. Y’know, like he would. We talk about drug-dealing ice cream men, identical twins giving birth to bastards in tandem and high school students getting limited to three dumps per semester. And then there are the bears. A scaredy bear in the produce aisle, and a happy bear living large in the candy store. Can you say, “Om-Nom-Nom-Nom“?

The Bad Movie Review for this week is 1977’s arachnid massacre Kingdom of the Spiders starring none other than William Shatner. Shatner plays Rack Hanson – large animal veterinarian – who serves as our suave and handsome hero in this Man vs. Nature struggle against the biggest colony of poisonous, web-hyper tarantulas ever to terrorize a small town full of inbred hicks. Thrill to sight of hundreds of innocent spiders, many of which only got their SAG cards the day before, getting squished by ignorant townsfolk. Luckily, the spiders get some of their own back as they kill some of the hillbillies, but don’t worry – no humans were harmed in the making of this film. Eight-legged body count aside, this movie is one of Luka’s favorites, and earns the rank of Good Unintentionally Bad Movie.

No anime this week? Well, maybe that’s because we’ve been glued to our TV, watching the latest season of shows. There’s actually some stuff coming out that has pulled us away from Japanese animation, and we take the time to talk about it. We discuss the latest seasons of House, Dexter, and The Walking Dead. And we also share our thoughts on the new series Homeland and An American Horror Story.

Oh, so that’s what it looks like!

Behold! Adorable fuzzy-wuzz tarantulas pretend to kill people, and then are actually killed themselves. Poor little things.

Hey, douchebag! Be more polite! This week’s bonus educational short Mind Your Manners (1953) will teach you how to act like a gentleman, so girls will think good things about you. Yes, even your sister.

018 Fire Is Not the Solution

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Mocking John Hughes and New Mexican cities,
Capsules of foam shapes and cute “Skello Kitties”,
Dirty commercials about chicken wings,
These are a few of our favorite things.

Feeling well and lookin’ swell, we jump back behind the microphones with vim, vigor and vitality. Guess who’s been taking their vitamins. What Could Go Wrong? has come back from the brink of the sniffles to deliver a full-throated, well-seasoned and somewhat pre-planned podcast episode. I know you were worried after last week that our colds might in some way rob us of our mojo. Not to worry! We can whip up more mojo quicker than most people can deliver instant pudding, and we do it in a wider variety of flavors as well. Take that Jell-O tm!

What would you do if we weren’t here to tell you all (well, some) of the previous week’s stupid news? Don’t think about that question too hard. Sorry I brought it up, actually. But still, ain’t ya glad ya heard all the garbage we read about this week? More thieves getting caught because of Facebook and potheads busted on Craigslist. Cheating athletes, cheating pastors and a man so scared his partner is cheating on him, he calls in a bomb threat. Smugglers weaponize bee hives (seriously, when’s the last time you read those words?). And old people unknowingly get stoned at a funeral. While on the subject of stoners, Luka and Skullard reminisce about “Bogart’s Pizza”, the most obvious drug front ever busted in the Great White North.

Eaten Alive (1977) makes a surprise appearance in this week’s Bad Movie Review, which is almost as big of a surprise that it got made at all. Meet Judd, the friendly small town inn-keep who’s down home charm and crates of dead monkeys brings the runaway hookers and abused spouses into his motel in droves. And a handy combination of farm implements and La Crocodile de la Mort makes sure that once they check in, they don’t check out. You can always trust a one-legged hillbilly motel manager to make sound judgments on the character of his guests and act accordingly. What could go wrong?

Hell Girl is one of the top anime favorites of both Skullard and Luka, and it’s a privilege to talk about it. Beautiful and creepy, this show delivers episode after episode of solid vengeance and retribution . . . but at a steep price. Would you be willing to trade your eternal soul for instant revenge on your enemy? Hell Girl lets you meet the people ready to take that deal, and the strange figures who are able to make that trade happen.

This week’s random encounter is a bit shocking, I must warn you. Luka gets asked about her most intimate sexual fantasies. Her answer may well shock you.

And finally, this is our first week with our brand new sponsor! Do yourself a favor and dig in to extra helpings of this fine and wholesome product.

Hell Girl – Spooky, lovely vengence.

You know that stupid guy everyone hates? Let’s teach him some fucking manners! Helping Johnny Remember (1956) puts kids in their damn place and teaches everyone else some helpful hand signals.

015 Nobody Should Be In A Bucket

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Vacation, such as it was, is over, and it’s time for Skullard to put his nose back to the grindstone until it’s ground down to just so much meat, leaving a shredded, bloody hole in the middle of his newly ravaged face. Some jobs are like that. But rather than dwell on the failure of his life choices, we spend our last day of freedom celebrating what we’ve done right, which is “What Could Go Wrong?”.

Remember back when this was a podcast about Anime and Bad Movies and we only used the news to warm up the ol’ talking muscles? Holy Poo-Fuzz! The news keeps creeping, slowly taking over more and more of the show. If only it wasn’t so easy to find stories of things going wrong and people being . . . themselves. PETA is putting out porn while chihuahuas are being dragged from cars. One drunk gets arrested multiple times in one night while another gets his DUI on a tractor. Check your doors and windows, because if it isn’t a burglar in your house, frying bacon or leaving uncooked chicken in your heating ducts, it could be a family of skunks that have decided to house-sit. Learn about all the wonderful food festivals going on in a town near you, then check your back yard for jars full of fingers. And finally, which would you choose: a year in jail or a year in church? Think very, very carefully.

This week’s Bad Movie Review is 2010’s surrealistic meta-fest Rubber(2010), where a used tire goes on a killing spree. You read that right. It’s a movie about a used tire on a killing spree. Not the kind of movie you want to watch alone. Luckily, the movie itself provides you a bunch of jerks to watch the movie along with you. Thoughtful, huh? This is a pretty Lousey Intentionally Bad Movie that makes fun of itself even as it’s making fun of you for watching it. Why? No reason.

Finally we get our chuckles on with a couple of Anime Lyrics, not compiled in a guessing game, but just read staight out for you to appreciate in all their nonsense.

What’s a website for if you can’t post pictures of some cute animals being cute. We talked about baby squirrels; here’s your freekin’ baby squirrels!

Had enough? No you haven’t.

How dare you not appreciate the wonder of springs! You shall be harshly punished, fool! Please enjoy this week’s bonus, educational short; A Case Of Spring Fever (1940)!

013 Many Dogs Barking At A Can Of Soup

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If you’re putting out a podcast called What Could Go Wrong? and you get to the thirteenth episode, you’re kinda just asking for trouble. All things considered, we got off easy with only minor plumbing problems. On the upside, we went to a birthday party for lions. Can you say that? Liar.

For once, we’re on the side of the police and authorities during our news segment. We have nothing but respect and praise for our public servants who shovel fish heads when needed and force the naked to cover their asses. The animals, though, are out of control! They’re carjacking, stowing away on boats, and getting drunk on fermented apples. Gauche, right? But the animals have to take a back seat to the snake biters, shirtless samurai, and criminal claymation characters. Honest, going into this episode, I thought we’d had a slow news week. Shows what I know.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review this week is 1987’s The Gate, a horror movie minus the horror. Just one step up from a Fear Street book, this movie shows how easy it is to accidently open a portal to the Abyss when all you’re really trying to do is get closer to your sister. And for this week’s anime, we give a tap to Ghost Stories, or to be more specific, the ADV english dub of Ghost Stories from 2005. Veteran voice-over talent take a mediocre children’s anime and turn it into seriously funny adult entertainment by changing the words a’la What’s Up, Tiger Lilly? It’s one of our fond favorites.

Because superstition still abounds, even in our modern life, Luka helps us understand where bad luck comes from so we can all avoid misfortune. You may not be aware of all the unlucky things that you come in contact with every day, like that lone duck or the bastard who keeps throwing nickles at you. But now you can be prepared, and if you want, you can start carrying your own nickles to curse your enemies. What other podcast is going to teach you that?

So, there it is. Sorry about the whole curse thing. It’s kind of a contractual obligation situation. Of course, there’s one easy way to avoid the curse of the thirteenth podcast that doesn’t involve melons: tell somebody else about the show. Tell five other people. See if you can get any of them to listen and subscribe on iTunes. Then your curse will be lifted and you will be blessed for the remainder of your days. Or until the next season of Dancing With The Stars starts up. Some curses cannot be broken, sadly.

Luka has been having arguments with a crow in a tree outside our window. But things could be worse. At least there’s no drunk moose perched in our tree. Imagine those arguments.

“Gimme all yo’ money! I’m Gumby, Dammit!”

As soon as they capture Gumby, they’ll put him (of course) in the pokey.

I know we didn’t really talk in detail about Ghost Stories (ADV version 2005), so you probably have no idea who all these characters are. Don’t worry. Just watch the goofy-ass show.

Why not make your disgusting dinner time with your loathsome family something to look forward to? A Date With Your Family (1950) provides comtemporary advice on how to have more fun at your fucking supper table. Remember you pretty up your hair, girls – the men have had a tough day.

012 This Is Not What The President Intended

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Happy Labor Day, everybody! We’re celebrating this long weekend by doing what we do any other weekend, but taking longer to do it. The more time we have, the more time we waste. Life is ours to squander, and every time you give us a listen, you let us squander a little of your precious time on this planet too. Thanks for that.

Dogs feature fairly heavily in the news this week, either saving someone or being saved. So dogs are either an asset or a liability, depending. Or they’re sidekicks for supervillians. Also, people are turning in lost wallets in cases where honesty turns out to be either an asset or a liability, depending. We’ve stories of people sticking things in their pants which they shouldn’t, naturally, and things that should be in people’s pants getting scattered all over the road for no apparent reason. And we’re very happy to give you the follow-up on Yvonne the Cow, because we know you’ve been on tenderhooks about that story. (Oops! Did I say too much?)

Our usual reviews were hijacked this week by an unexpected Netflix treasure called Alien Vs. Ninja (2010). A bad movie with many anime-like traits, we got to laughing so hard at this goofy thing that we needed to share it with you. Whether you watch it as an Intentionally Bad Good Movie or a Four Star live-action anime, it’s a lot of fun if you like dopey-looking alien costumes, martial arts in the woods, or a hot chick in really tight body armor.

The die is cast twice for a double-dose of Random Encounters, and Luka does the patriotic thing by filling you in on the historic significance of Labor Day. Always educational, that’s us.

If you like to listen to us when you’re at work, you’re a day late, buddy. No holiday for us, though. We put our podcast out there on time! We’re no slackers. Just two people with little better to do than be disembodied voices in your ears. Why would we ever want to take a day off from that?

Yvonne has stopped her wandering and turned herself in. Lonely no longer, here she is, safe and sound, with her friend Friesi.

Pullling into a gas station, the last thing you want to see is a flaming car. Here’s the aftermath:

Alien Vs. Ninja (2010) Truth in advertising – it’s got aliens, it’s got ninjas, and as an added bonus, a hot chick in tight pants!

Are you a social outcast? Have you been specifically not invited to parties? Perhaps it is due to your poor hygiene and rudeness. If only you had a Fairy Godmother to help you! Please enjoy this week’s educational short; Cindy Goes To a Party (1955)!

007 Up The Yinyang And Out The Wazoo

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The dead walk, animals attack, and Catholics give up thier cowboy ways. Is this the cataclysmic end of everything? Nah, it’s just a bit of the news in this latest episode. Find out how you can save money on medical care with common kitchen utensils and the best way to survive a building collapse while getting your hair done. Chew on that, you people say our podcast has no educational value!

Bucket of Blood (1959) is the featured movie for Luka’s review, and it’s, like, wild baby. You grock? All you cats and kittens are going to dig the hipness of this Corman classic. Then our Anime Review returns with an all out caution against Loveless, or as we call it, a Bucket of Suck. In anime, as in all things, let the buyer beware.

We pull the dice back out to bring back our Random Encounter segment, which this week gets a bit more random than originally intended. Honest. We never meant to talk about Glory Holes. It just kinda happened.

And those are the varied elements that make up our lucky (!?!) seventh episode. Please share this show with your friends, as it’s healthy to put relationships to the test now and again. And practice good dental hygiene. It’s important. Remember, four out of five dentists surveyed never invite the fifth one to thier parties.

Loveless: Is it a creepy pedo anime that’s boring or a boring anime with creepy pedos? We’d say, “You decide”, but then you’d have to watch it.

Wow, clips from A Bucket Of Blood!

How will stupid Walter react to a girl coming on to him?

What’s the best way to make a bust? By severing off a real head, of course.

How many horrible molesters are stalking you right now? If only there were some way to find out!