Category Archives: roleplaying

052 Watch Out For Snakes

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The dating site eHarmony now offers a free app to its customers that will generate a fake emergency call to your smart phone in order to give you an excuse to bail from a bad date. The Bad Date Rescue app is designed to get you out of an awkward, go-nowhere situation that eHarmony was all-too-happy to get you into. Bad connections through dating services are only one of the many horror stories you hear about when the internet and relationships intersect. There are worse things that happen, and we’re sure you can come up with at least five stories you know personally before even bringing up Chatroulette. But even though on-line relationships often end in What Could Go Wrong? style stories that would make Cupid pack away his bow and retire to a life of monastic repentance, this week we celebrate an internet meeting that went very, very right. Eleven years of What Went Right! to be exact.

This week’s Bad Movie Review hurls us like a big rock back to 1962 and the dune-buggy epic Eegah! This Lousey Unintentionally Bad Movie was meant to be a spring board to fame for Arch Hall Sr.’s rat-faced rockabilly son who stumbles through the production lip-synching to off key numbers and fumbling with his instrument like a chimp playing Guitar Hero. And his acting is about as wooden as Eegah’s club. But since boy wonder needed a chick to play against, Hall hired his own girlfriend to be the film’s love interest. Nothing creepy there. Unfortunately for Mr. Hall, he didn’t have a brother-in-law he could cast as a 7’2” giant caveman, so he had to go outside the family and hire the great (in stature) Richard Kiel. Kiel plays Eegah as a creature so removed from modern civilization that he thinks a bouquet of flowers and a freshly killed rabbit will convince any trollop you take to your cave to let you cop a feel. Silly caveman, this tramp’s for the kid! What develops is the classic love triangle between a dweeb with an outrageous haircut, a huge guy with a fake beard, and the floosy who’s sleeping with the guy who plays “Daddy”. It’s like if Shakespeare would have written King Kong . . . only terribly, terribly worse.

Meet the best parts of Tonee Walker, a.k.a. The Buxom Bandit, who turned herself in this week to authorities on advice from her lawyer/agent.

If only we could be at Comic Con. Hello Kitty is there cosplaying!

In this week’s educational short, a mean sexist is forced to ponder why he hates hiring women. Dang females, always getting married and pregant and asking questions and stuff! Please tolerate The Trouble With Women (1959);

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: In the days when I was courting Luka, I wanted to show her what a stylin’, with-it guy I was. So I sent her this postcard. She never stood a chance, did she?

051 No Time For A Reflex Save

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Psssst! Hey bud . . . c’mere. Pardon me fer sayin’ so, but youse strikes me as a poyson of taste. Ya knowse, refinement, right? Somebody who wants da best onna counta youse desoive it, right? Youse know what I’m sayin’? It ain’t jus’ anybodies whut walks down dis alley dat I’m gonna accost. What’s dat? I meant “assist.” I’m gonna assist youse, right, onna counta I can tell jus’ by lookin’ at yuhz dat youse a poyson whut don’ settle fer anyt’ing less den da top of da line. Now lookit here whut I gots fer yuhz . . . youse ever seen sumpin’ dat nice? Lookit dat. Dat dere is whut youse call yer podcast. Sure, youse hoid about dem t’ings, right, dem podcasts? Well, I gots one right here, an’ let me tell youse my friend, youse ain’t gonna find a finer one in any back alley of de innernet or any uptown iTooners fancy-schmancy shop eeder. Dis is da goods, yuhz see whut I’m tawkin’ about? Yeah, dis is da one youse want, and if I’m lyin’ I’m dyin’. No kiddin’ bud, youse stick dis in youse iPodder dere an’ youse ain’t gonna believe whut comes out. Sure, kid, dis is da show fer youse. Take my woid fer it. C’mon . . . What Could Go Wrong?

Maximum Overdrive (1986) has got to be pulling your leg. This was a serious movie? Apparently they tried playing it straight, but damn! All the machines wise up and rise up at the same time to rebel against their creator overlords, also known as us. Everything ever made by our clever little hands now wants to bite, slice, crush, smash or grind those hands off. What the hell did we do? Turns out it’s nothing we did; comets are a bad influence on normally well-behaved inanimate objects. Peer pressure, right? So, if you want to survive the revolt of the machines, the place you want to be is an overly-armed truck stop where Emilio Estavez pumps gas and schtups hitch-hikers like a hero. Sorry Mr. Bible Salesman, but you’re no match for the 80’s macho machine that is Charlie’s brother. Shitty lines, goofy effects, cardboard characters and period hairstyles all collide to make this crappy horror/action flick a Good Unintentionally Bad Movie. Luka loves it for the lulz, and Skullard liked the soundtrack so much, he bought the album.

Thomas Daigle picked up pennies whenever he saw one and took them home. He just paid off that same home with those very pennies, making his final morgage payment with 800 pounds of shiney Lincolns. He’s taken “Every penny counts” to a whole new level.

The cops were called in to calm down an out of control bachelorette party and nearly became party favors themselves as the “ladies” tried to pull off their uniforms. What’s more amazing: that this policeman was mistaken for a stripper or that this woman with the shower curtain on her head is going to be a bride?

In this week’s bonus educational short, a husband and wife learn to ignore the many stresses of life such as work, children, and each other. Please learn to take it easy by viewing The Relaxed Wife (1957).

Lefty gives Ernie the pitch. One of our all-time favorite Joe Raposo numbers from Sesame Street.

And when you’re sitting back, enjoying the O you’ve purchased, take it easy with a soothing bit of music from Kevin MacLeod.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: It’s the 1939 model from International Harvester. Had this mother still been around for Maximum Overdrive, it would have reaped a bloody harvest indeed. Then again, all that splatter of human gore would have clashed like hell with such a snazzy green paint job. Besides, this old friendly guy probably would have used it’s animated free will to give hay rides to orphans and deliver Meals On Wheels ™ to the poor and indigent. It was just that kind of truck.

049 It’s Like My Dad Always Said

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It’s Father’s Day, so here’s to all you sperm donors who stuck around. You didn’t have to, y’know. A lot of guys didn’t. They just deposited their legacy juice and moved on to the next town, hat tipped down, six-shooter at their side. But you did the noble thing and set aside your wanderlust and ambitions for greatness. You put down roots and stuck with that ballooning woman until she could spawn your genetic replacement. Good for you. And then, flush from that grand accomplishment, you put it to her again so that she could be replaced as well. We’re not sure if you were satisfied with zero population growth or perhaps the two of you squirted out a couple more squalling drains on the planet, but statistically you eventually figured out that the wife unit could literally be replaced with an upgraded model, one chosen on the basis of style and design rather than brand loyalty. So, you dumped your kid’s mother and took up with someone you like better, but in order to prove to the new Mrs. You that she has all the goods the old model had and more, you decide to roll the genetic dice again. Assuming you didn’t come up snake-eyes or boxcars, you got yourself a new kid to add to the brood from your last partnership, half of which are probably a bit resentful of how you treated mom and the other half just resentful because it’s fun to hate. You’re sharing kids with multiple women in multiple homes now, and that’s not even assuming that the new Mrs. You wasn’t married before herself and brought some of her own offspring into the mix. Who are these people? Are you a dad to them now too? After a while, you have to start annotating the pictures in your wallet with post-it notes to keep all the names straight. And then one of your children, a female child we’ll assume, gets preggers from some smooth-talkin’ Johnny with a winning smile, six-shooter at his side, who just moseyed on to the next town leaving the poor lass in despair on daddy’s doorstep. Good Christ, after all that, one Sunday in June is the least you deserve. It’s a day for all those DNA recipients to gather ’round you and thank you for their very existence, not that they will. But, under no circumstances, should it be a day of reflection. Don’t ask yourself what life would have been like if you hadn’t stuck around, Mr. Sperm Donor. Don’t dredge up any of those lost ambitions or dreams from pre-child days. Nothing good ever comes from asking the question, “What went wrong?”

Syrup spillage on the Buttermilk Pike overpass. This industrial accident was brought to you by Hungry Jack (TM) Syrup!

In this week’s Bad Movie Review, Luka reaches back to 1965 for a poorly dubbed Italian job called The Bloody Pit of Horror. This old giggle-fit reinforces the message that those Italian guys really know how to treat a lady. What better place for a moderately kinky S&M photoshoot than an abandoned castle once owned by a murdering perv who called himself the Crimson Executioner? And look, there’s all these wacky torture devices left behind. And looky-looky . . . they’re still functional! In one of the most blatent displays of “What Could Go Wrong?” behavior, this group of fashion jaggoffs dress up in goofy outfits, take pictures of themselves playing with killing machines, get killed by the machines, and keep dressing up and taking more pictures. The viewer has to ask, “What the hell’s wrong with these people? Aside from the fact that their words don’t match their lip movements.” As a horror movie, perfect bodies notwithstanding, this film doesn’t do the job. But for a snarkable snort-fest with nice legs, great hair and lots of eye make-up, The Bloody Pit of Horror scores as a Good Unintentionally Bad Movie. Arrivederci, muthah-fuckahz.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review asks the question; what will happen when a bunch of arrogant photographers and stupid bimbo models sneak into a scary castle? MURDER! Please enjoy the poor dubbing and kinky S&M of The Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)!

Do your neighbors piss you off? Do they leave fetid pools of water and rotting garbage lying about? Are they the ones responsible for all these rats and cockroaches? Or is it YOUR fault? Please find out by viewing this week’s educational short; It Must Be The Neighbors (1966).

Alchemy Divine is not our sponsor, but an Etsy shop with beautiful handmade jewelry and snazzy cool things. Click this link and check ’em out! You’ll be surprised at what you find. Specifically, things that are not syrup related.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: I remember looking at this for the first time and thinking, “Okay, is this card putting down welfare scum, or is it saying welfare scumming may be a preferable alternative to an exhausting life on the hamster wheel that goes nowhere?” Okay sure, the guy seems to have two wives, but they both seem to take great pleasure from his misery. I’m not sure where the upside is to all this.

039 Slug Off

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This may well go down in the archives as “The Infectious Episode”. We started off the show with Skullard being all croaky and phlegm-infused, and by the time we wrap it all up, he’s in dire need of a vaporizer and a towel over his head. As it turns out, podcasting is all we got done that day as our plague-ridden Skullard passed out on the tiles afterwards, a viscous pool of snot spreading from his over-active sinuses. Gross as that was, the slippery nasal discharge made it easier for Luka to drag her wretched husband to his nest for rest and restoration. By the end of the day, poor Luka was feeling the tell-tale tickle at the back of her throat signifying that her beloved had shared more with her than Cadburry Eggs, clever insights and loving glances. Both of our podcast hosts have fallen prey to the insidious bug, but you, dear listener, are safe. The common cold can’t be shared via MP3 files, and iTunes has suprisingly good virus protections set up for its users. Still, we’d be pleased if this podcast did become contagious, getting passed from listener to listener, spreading across the internet and polluting the vulnerable brains of podcast lovers everywhere. If somewhere deep in your psyche you’ve always wanted to be a Typhoid Mary or Larry, now’s your chance! Share the disease that is What Could Go Wrong? with someone you know and tolerate. Spread the infection.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review covered one of 1987’s greatest crimes against both cinema and nature: Slugs! Leaving an icky trail across countless VHS machines in the 80’s, this Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie took one of the least threatening garden pests and turned it into a menace of near Jaws-like proportions. And rather than killing off the aggressive gastropods by filling kiddie pools with beer, the protagonists decide to deal with the slimey scourge by blowing up the goddamn sewers. What Could Go Wrong?

This young lady was booted out of school for having cool hair, but was allowed back in after the ACLU reminded everyone that pink follicles are constitutionally protected. School administrators were shocked that no one cared about the color of the sticks up their butts.

Victorian Romance Emma is the perfect antidote for your Post Downton Abby Depression. Does life have no meaning now that Matthew and Mary are together? Well now you can enjoy the emotional angst all over again as the son of a merchant family falls for a common house maid. C’mon, you know you love this kinda stuff!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Amazingly, we don’t have a postcard of slugs, but here’s two snails in . . . um . . . *ahem* . . . shall we say, an intimate exercise.

In this week’s thrilling educational short, a question which has plagued mankind for centuries is finally answered. Does our diet affect our health?! Of course it does, stupid! Please enjoy Eat For Health (1954);

038.5 It’s Perfectly Normal

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With all the stuff we had to put up with this week, we just knew we couldn’t do a normal, full-length podcast. Or the kind of podcast we usually do. But we thought, “What the hell, let’s at least do a POINT FIVE episode. It may just be a short thing, but at least it’s something.” Then somehow, without any news, with no Bad Movie Review, we still managed to drag our poor listeners down to the 7th Circle of Hell for more than an hour of audio torment. We get to yammering about arson, ethnic saints, the hazards of having red hair, ugly people, Sweden: Heaven or Hell (1968 ), Dirk Gently, Naked Juice (Yay!), Rick Santorum (Boo!), Luka’s love of sorting, Cadbury Cream Eggs, and the love of Grimm. And just for the dirty fun of it, another round of That’s Not My Porn! Is it any wonder we can’t bring even a “half episode” in under an hour? Is it any wonder that this is one of the filthiest episodes yet? Imagine what we could be capable of if we actually worked at this shit. Imagine . . .

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Looking for an Elephant’s Graveyard for your aging loved one? Look no further!

In this week’s bonus educational short, an irritating teen girl develops a crush on her brother’s nerdy friend. Is romance in the air? Or is that just electric waves being pumped out by the various modern appliances the women keep prattling on about? Please become amazed by A Young Man’s Fancy (1952).

038 Better Than Ragu

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Despite our best intentions to keep things moving along all quick and snappy like, this episode took on a life of its own and went long. So what is that makes episode 38 Special? Is it because we talk so long we end up Rocking Into The Night? Is it so long that it makes you relax your grip on your MP3 player to the point that you Hold On Loosely? Or are you so Caught Up In You that you couldn’t care less? Well, we hope you’ll give us a Second Chance and enjoy this double-sized, giggle-filled episode.

In our usual chatter about TV, we bemoan the wrapping up of The Walking Dead, breathe sweet relief over the wrapping up of The River, wake up to the new show Awake, and celebrate the fact that Grimm just keeps getting . . . broadcast. Then the news proves that Facebook is out to bite your ass, but that’s hardly news, is it? Criminals keep getting busted by status updates and friend requests. Why do we keep using it? Why don’t you go to our Twitter feed and let us know! Oh, and the best thing to do if you’re late for a court date? Hammer down! And finally, an estranged husband puts a transmitter under his wife’s bed so he can NOT hear her having sex. Makes perfect sense, right?

Orphan (2009) practically dares you to predict its twist ending, bragging, “You’ll never guess her secret.” And then it cheats you out of crucial clues that would have helped you see what’s coming. But after Luka’s Bad Movie Review, you can sit back and enjoy this movie without all that burden on the brain. We just go ahead and spoil the twistiness so you can focus on the acting from some cute, if creepy, kid performers. So, what do you do when you lose a child? You pick up another one from the orphanage, because they’re all interchagable, right? This tale of buyer’s remorse takes all the fun out of treehouses, playground structures, and trippy blacklight painting. Oh, and also the sexualization of pre-adolescents. Sorry to ruin that for ya. Still, Luka gives it a Pretty Good Unintentionally Bad rating, so it’s worth a watch. Just make sure you stay on Esther’s good side, assuming she has one.

We launch a new game in our Random Encounter segment: “That’s Not My Porn!” Find out just how well Luka knows Skullard’s perverted tastes, and perhaps pick up a few suggestions for your adult viewing library as well.

An erstwhile penguin gives the camera the bird, then takes off at “tremendous speed”. Go Pingu, go!

If this sign by the highway is anything to go by, you may be listening to the Devil’s favorite podcast!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: This is a German postcard that strangely has no caption or information on the back as to what’s so special about neon orange spaghetti. So, of course, I had to make something up myself.

Get up early in the morning while your still in your pajamas
Start making marinara that’s even better than your mama’s
Add oregano and garlic, let it simmer all day long
You’d think that it would save the meal, but sadly friend you’re wrong
Grate some parmasan and dump it on like it’s confetti
Nothing you can do will salvage day-glow spaghetti.

You can chow on kitty litter or chomp mushrooms from your lawn
Eat five gas station omelets until every bite is gone
You can suck a scoop of Vaseline or slugs or sumac leaves
Or any nasty substance that would give a goat the heaves
Think you’ve got an iron stomach? Are you confident you’re ready?
There’s nothing to prepare your gut for day-glow spaghetti.

I knew a kid in second grade, we all called him Freddy
He could have been a NASCAR champ like Mario Andretti
Or a fearsome big game hunter to stalk the Serengeti
Or play guitar and write more songs than someone like Tom Petty
Or cure disease or bring world peace . . . the sad fact is instead he
perished after half a plate of that day-glow spaghetti.

Hey, kids! Is school fun? Are you enjoying your friends and teachers? Well, once you get to Junior High EVERYTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE FOREVER! Please enjoy (and be traumatized by) Your Junior High Days (1963).

036 We Did Get To Meat The Rabbits

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It’s episode 36! Do you realize how significant that number is? 36 is not only a square number, it’s triangular. Look it up! In fact, it’s the smallest number other than 1 that’s both square and triangular. The next number like that is 1225, but that one’s just odd. And is 1225 an Abundant Number or a 13-gonal Number? Hellz no, but 36 is both! Holy flippin’ hoo-ha! And get this: 36 is the smallest integer which can be expressed as the sum of consecutive primes in 2 ways! Don’t believe us? Try 5 + 7 + 11 + 13 and 17 + 19. That’s right, add it up, bitch. And let’s not forget that both the truncated cube and the truncated octahedron are Archimedean Solids with 36 edges. That’s right, geometric shit! And for all of you chem-heads out there, let’s give it up for Krypton which not only has an atomic number of 36, but also gave us Superman before it exploded. So yeah, we now have just as many episodes of What Could Go Wrong? as Chinese dragons have scales that are both yang and malign. We’ve no idea what any of that shit means, but it sure impresses the hell out of us. Considering how significant the number 36 is, you’d think this was a super-significant episode, right? Nah, it’s just long.

What can be said about Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)? How about, “Avoid at all cost!” Luka really took one for the team with this one. This barely qualifies as a film, much less a Bad Movie for Review. The Geneva Convention won’t even allow you to show this movie to prisoners. You have Nintendo level CGI mixed with jump-cut dialogue from actors who act almost as well as they dance and they dance like white people! Go ahead and watch the clips below. Yeah, those are highlights. But in all fairness, no other movie has done as much for coat hangers since Mommie Dearest (1981).

Even though there was no time for it, the die was rolled and we indulged in another Random Encounter. We dove back into The Book of Questions and bathed in the deep ethical quandries hidden within. Then we had to take a shower.

Here’s Rocky, the 27 pound lobster that was caught, then thrown back into the sea. Why’d they throw him back? See the kid in the picture? Turns out his parents love him. Lobsters know how to negotiate.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: here’s a handy cheat-sheet. Can’t tell if your lobster is alive or boiled? This quick reference sheet will keep you from looking stupid.

Do you dare you sneak a peek at a montage of clips from Birdemic: Shock and Terror?! BEHOLD! Actors behaving in a dramatic way!

And now it is time to BEHOLD! Actors engaging in action scenes! Oh, the thrills!!

Please become enthralled by this week’s educational short: Stop Driving Us Crazy! (1959) This exciting educational video stars Rusty – a Christian alien spy car from Mars. No fooling.

And now, a word from the Duke of Wrong:

035 Your Mom’s The Sixteenth Hole

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We like to say that we’re “spitting in the eye of a spiteful universe”. In order to do that though, you really have to hock up one hell of a loog. But that’s who we are and that’s how much we care. Here at What Could Go Wrong?, we give a spit. And since we know you’re all salivating for this episode, here’s the write-up!

Cripes, we went off this week. Are you a serious Star Wars fan? Then you won’t be one of ours after this episode. Luka makes it pretty clear how she feels about the classic space epic and its whore-daddy George Lucas. And Skullard lets you in on his contempt for Valentine’s Day and all who require a calendar to be sweet to their spouse once a year. In between those mini-rants, hatred towards our neighbors, animosity toward those who would curtail our freedom to swear like sailors, and some brilliantly misheard lyrics, we actually got a few news stories in. Another truck spilled crap all over the road, which we always love. A judge sentenced a husband to take his wife on a date, which by default sentences the poor wife to go on a date with her asshole husband. Perhaps he’ll take her to the sewage treatment plant, which we hear is the happening place to take your sweetheart this year. A golfer gets scolded by his mother for swearing, and a singer returns from the dead using the “Zombie Cave Escape Gambit.”

The movie this week isn’t actually a bad movie, which is curious since it’s getting a Bad Movie Review. In 2007’s Teeth, a sweet, young girl named Dawn has the worst luck with boys ever. Every guy in the movie, with the exception of her dad thankfully, rapes her. As it turns out, each of the assholes have pretty poor luck themselves, because poor Dawn has vagina dentata, which is a Latin term for the worst case of snapping pussy you’ve ever seen. Luka rates this a Great Intentionally Bad Movie, and Skullard rates it a bad date movie and a boner-killer. We over-analyze and deconstruct the hell out of this one, maybe because doing so takes some of the sting out of it.

Don’t forget to jump on over to our Facebook page on Valentine’s Day to see our special animated Valentine’s Greeting to you, our listeners . . . who we love . . . somewhat . . . perhaps.

Here’s some old footage of last year’s Hole Digging Competition from Japan. It’s a pointless sport, but then again, what sport isn’t? And these people are having fun. As Luka says, “Beats Nascar”.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Tami, The Transparent Woman. I saw her at the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry back in the third grade. She taught me a lot, and for years served as my only sex education. If you look carefully, you’ll notice she only has ONE set of teeth.

In this week’s exciting educational short, a gang of claymation teeth learn an important lesson about dental hygiene. Please be horrified by The Munchers: A Fable (1973)!

018 Fire Is Not the Solution

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Mocking John Hughes and New Mexican cities,
Capsules of foam shapes and cute “Skello Kitties”,
Dirty commercials about chicken wings,
These are a few of our favorite things.

Feeling well and lookin’ swell, we jump back behind the microphones with vim, vigor and vitality. Guess who’s been taking their vitamins. What Could Go Wrong? has come back from the brink of the sniffles to deliver a full-throated, well-seasoned and somewhat pre-planned podcast episode. I know you were worried after last week that our colds might in some way rob us of our mojo. Not to worry! We can whip up more mojo quicker than most people can deliver instant pudding, and we do it in a wider variety of flavors as well. Take that Jell-O tm!

What would you do if we weren’t here to tell you all (well, some) of the previous week’s stupid news? Don’t think about that question too hard. Sorry I brought it up, actually. But still, ain’t ya glad ya heard all the garbage we read about this week? More thieves getting caught because of Facebook and potheads busted on Craigslist. Cheating athletes, cheating pastors and a man so scared his partner is cheating on him, he calls in a bomb threat. Smugglers weaponize bee hives (seriously, when’s the last time you read those words?). And old people unknowingly get stoned at a funeral. While on the subject of stoners, Luka and Skullard reminisce about “Bogart’s Pizza”, the most obvious drug front ever busted in the Great White North.

Eaten Alive (1977) makes a surprise appearance in this week’s Bad Movie Review, which is almost as big of a surprise that it got made at all. Meet Judd, the friendly small town inn-keep who’s down home charm and crates of dead monkeys brings the runaway hookers and abused spouses into his motel in droves. And a handy combination of farm implements and La Crocodile de la Mort makes sure that once they check in, they don’t check out. You can always trust a one-legged hillbilly motel manager to make sound judgments on the character of his guests and act accordingly. What could go wrong?

Hell Girl is one of the top anime favorites of both Skullard and Luka, and it’s a privilege to talk about it. Beautiful and creepy, this show delivers episode after episode of solid vengeance and retribution . . . but at a steep price. Would you be willing to trade your eternal soul for instant revenge on your enemy? Hell Girl lets you meet the people ready to take that deal, and the strange figures who are able to make that trade happen.

This week’s random encounter is a bit shocking, I must warn you. Luka gets asked about her most intimate sexual fantasies. Her answer may well shock you.

And finally, this is our first week with our brand new sponsor! Do yourself a favor and dig in to extra helpings of this fine and wholesome product.

Hell Girl – Spooky, lovely vengence.

You know that stupid guy everyone hates? Let’s teach him some fucking manners! Helping Johnny Remember (1956) puts kids in their damn place and teaches everyone else some helpful hand signals.

017 That’s Gonna Happen With Anything

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Let’s see . . . groceries, laundry, roleplaying . . . what are we forgeting? PODCAST! If you’ve ever suffered from a cold to the extent that you use your affliction as an excuse for sub-standard performance, boy do we have an episode you. The both of us are sick as dogs, one being an adorable little lap dog you want to pet, the other being a mangey mutt with toilet water breath. Sure, we could have used ill health as an excuse to drop the podcast altogether for a week, but how much more fun is it to forge ahead with a “fuck it” attitude and blame any shortcomings on a cold-addled head? The way we see it, being sick is license to be even more relaxed with a podcast that raised the concept of relaxed standards to new heights. So come along with us, beloved listeners. Stick us in your ears, and we promise only our silliness will be infectious.

Hey Barney! What’s up with Albuquerque this week, huh? Fake cops, severed goat heads and the yogurt/semen guy have really put your town on the map this week. We won’t lump that Facebook idiot from Carlsbad in with you, but all things considered, the Land of Enchantment seems like a frightening place. But at least in New Mexico you won’t have a turkey dropping on you from a low-flying plane. Hey Yellville, Arkansas . . . GO FUCK YOURSELVES! Don’t worry, though, because we’re calling out California for a couple of their stellar citizens as well. We never have a shortage of stories about criminals being assholes, and stupid assholes at that.

This week’s Bad Movie Review is the best way to experience the 1964 suck-fest that was re-marketed as I Eat Your Skin. It’s a zombie movie with more dancing than violence and more sexism than dancing. And there’s no skin eating. Sure, a couple of people suck each other’s faces, but no actual chewing came into play. Maybe if it had, there could have been a story there. What was the point of even making this film? I don’t know . . .

This week’s Random Encounter came from a rare cleaning event right here in the appartment, which is amazing enough! Luka shares with you some of the grilling she experienced at the hands of the Department of Homeland Security. Does this crack agency and its questionaires make you feel safer? Check either “Yes” or “No”.

Who is that? What’s that noise? What the fuck is going on around here? Is this a montage from I Eat Your Skin or isn’t it? I DON’T KNOW!

What would society be like if there were no rules? Would it be fun, or would be all perish in flames? Find out in this week’s bonus educational short; A Holiday From Rules (1959)!