Category Archives: entertainment

045 Double Punch Wednesday

Posted on by

“So, what did you do on your vacation?” Every time you drag your ass back to work after a week off, that’s the question you get. It wouldn’t be so bad if everyone didn’t feel free to judge you by your answer. If you tell them you just stayed home all week and sorted lint, they look at you with pity for a moment, say “Oh, that’s too bad,” and walk away with a look that confirms your position of Loser in their mind. If you say instead that you’ve been on a great adventure involving distant lands, high priced assassins and mind-blowing sex, they say “Sounds fun. I took my kids to Six Flags last year and it was great! We had corndogs.” You’re almost better off being branded a loser. No matter what, nobody really wants to hear what you did while you weren’t working. The only reason they ask is because they want you to know that they’d noticed you were gone during a time when they still had to work. They want you to feel bad that you had a break from the work-a-day tedium while they continued to play the drone. If they had the chance, they wouldn’t rain on your parade, they’d shit on it. But don’t pay any attention to those killjoy trolls. When you get a vacation, savor the time. When it’s over, savor the memories. And if you happen to have a podcast, gloat like hell.

Speaking of torment in the workplace, this week’s Bad Movie Review is The Mangler (1995). Ostensibly, this is a horror movie, but it may well end up making you thankful you don’t live out your days in a grimy sweat shop. Ted Lavine mumbles and lurches through this movie as our cranky hero, often followed by his hippie brother-in-law that looks like Doug Henning after some dental work. They have to fight against a demon possessed laundry press and it’s evil master played by Robert Englund, who does a damn fine Penguin impersonation throughout the film. It seems that in order to get anywhere in life, you have to sacrifice virgins to Satanic powers. No one said a damn thing about that in my MBA program. But you can see how the blood of the unfucked can get you ahead by watching this Pretty Good Unintentionally Bad Movie. Or you can just laugh at a guy beating the shit out of an icebox.

Housewives, beware! Countless women are blown up every years by washing their clothes in pans of gasoline. No, seriously. This was a real thing. Please become baffled by this week’s educational short: More Dangerous Than Dynamite (1941).

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: In honor of Mother’s Day, here’s the postcard I’d have sent to my mother if I’d had a stamp. Seriously. I didn’t have one. Shucks.

Bonus postcard! One of the many beauties I picked up when Luka and I raided the antique stores. Complete with 1907 postmark and inane good wishes. Classic shit like this beats texting any day.

044 Most Rum Indeed

Posted on by

Ah, vacation time! Luka and Skullard have earned a full week away from toil at the button factory, and now they shall fill their days with play and relaxation. Or will they? Perhaps instead of jovial trips to the zoo, they will battle their animal-like neighbors for hallway domination. The plan is to take a drive to the Mall of America, but perhaps they’ll end up at the Canadian border fending off an incursion of rabid nutria. They’re hoping to catch a matinee of The Avengers, but who knows? Perhaps it is you, dear listener, who will be the one to avenge L&S after they are unjustly accused of grand larceny, criminal malfeasance, and reckless endangerment of a minor (long story . . . the kid had it coming). The simple truth is, anything could happen during this intended week of leisure to turn it into a flaming week of doom. We don’t expect flaming doom; we plan on fuzzy kittens, cupcakes, joyful singing and balloons! What Could Go Wrong?

Carnival of Souls is a 1962 horror classic. “Classic” in the sense that it’s old and a lot have people have seen it, like Skullard’s grandmother’s tits are “classic”. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to run out and recommend either to your friends. Luka’s Bad Movie Review gives this film two ratings: if it’s a horror film, it’s a Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie; if it’s an art film, it’s a Pretty Good Unintentionally Bad Movie. So how good it is depends on your intentions in watching, which can be said for Skullard’s grandmother as well. Skullard’s grandmother is not the lead actress in this movie, but if she was, you might care more about the story. This lady walks away from a car wreck and begins seeing apparitions. She also plays the pipe organ a lot. You can decide which prospect is scarier. She also becomes fixated on an abandoned dance hall, perhaps because just before the car she was in plummeted from the bridge into the muddy river water below, the Kinks “Come Dancing” was playing on the radio. Sadly, Carnival of Souls isn’t the kind of carnival where you can find over-priced food booths or rigged midway games, but you do end up coming away from this film feeling ripped off.

Ah, yes. Canival of Souls! It may sound like a rip-roaring metaphysical ride on the midway, but alas. It’s really not. On the plus side, though, it doesn’t contain a couple of thrilling scenes.
Such as when Mary and her friends drag race. Wow! Action!

Or when Mary plays the chruch organ. Brilliant! Sinful!

Why leave your child in the care of strangers, when there are grandparents to watch the kid? What Could Go Wrong, right?

Skullard turned 44 this last week, and in his view you can never have too much cake. Especially with this one.

Sweetie and Gao are tuning up Sweet Pea, Skullard’s super-cute mandolin.

In this week’s bonus educational short; Cheating (1952), we ask important questions. Is copying off someone’s test paper really worth getting caught? IS IT? Please tune in and discover the answer!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: on the flip-side, it reads, “Sponsored by the Non-Illusionist Society”. What, you think I’m going to be happier without my illusions? Are you nuts? If I could see the world clearly as it really is, I’d be hiding in my closet, rocking back and forth and sobbing, not happier. Let me have my fantasies, and I’ll let you go on believing that’s a sharp haircut you got there, buddy.

The nutria . . . ARE COMING!!!

042 Things Are Under Control

Posted on by

Don’t let the title fool you. We live in a constant, churning miasma of chaos. Every routine we develop for ourselves is another blanket to crawl under in a vain attempt to hide from the unknowable darkness. Every schedule we jot down in our dayplanners or notes we write on our calendars are flimsy boards nailed over the windows as the zombie apocalypse lurches ever closer to the house. The Bible says, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” The bathroom stall says, “Shit happens”. Same diff. Control is a delusion we desperately cling to, willfully distorting our own vision in order to filter out the preponderance of evidence that existence is a balancing act in the middle of a tornado. Things do fall apart and the center can not hold. We all know that entropy tells us that nature tends from order to disorder, and all our protestations of control are laughable prayers to an unfeeling universe. But we continue to pray and plan and hope against all reasonable hope that our spider-silk constructions can weather the raging storms of random disaster. We tell ourselves that things are under control. We bind our sanity to us with a half-whispered mantra that’s half denial, half dare: “What Could Go Wrong?”

For this week’s Bad Movie Review, Luka rinses and spits on The Dentist (1996). This is a Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie, but none of the blame goes to Corbin Bernsen who plays the title character. Corbin does a great job acting the wakkaloon as Dr. Alan Feinstone, a dentist who pops his crown when he catches his wife doing something other than oral surgery to the pool boy. That’s not a flouride treatment he’s giving her. The realization that someone else is filling his wife’s cavity is enough to send the drill-happy dentist on an open-wide killing spree. If you’re the type of person who has anxiety about seeing your local dental professional, this movie isn’t for you. But if you like a good torture porn flick that drills down to the nerve, this piece of garbage still isn’t for you. It’s a bad movie, good lead actor or no. What the hell did you expect? It’s a Bad Movie Review, for chrissakes.

Say “Hi” to roly-poly Gnome, a fat nyan who would love to have you as a friend . . . a good, close friend. A friend that might help him with his stinky backside problem.

Skullard was one of the fortunate ones. He had to fill out a form just in case a “My Loved One Perished In The Rock-O-Taco Crunch-Off!” needed to be sent to Luka.

Why are you staying awake all night, stupid? Don’t you realize that sleeping is good for you? Please observe Sleep For Health (1950);

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Numar Professional Equipment Co. / Model R-300-OS. It’s the latest word in both comfort and restraining the patient so you can smother her with a towel. That’ll keep her still when the novacaine wears off.

What should you do when you’re finished listening to the podcast? Here’s an idea!

041 That Was Totally Uncalled For

Posted on by

Today’s podcast was brought to you by Alan, the internet repair guy. In true What Could Go Wrong? fashion, just as soon as we finish the show, our internet goes kablooie. Luckily, there are guys like Alan who can climb utility poles in the pouring rain, risking life and limb so that we can continue to blather to an uncaring world and have uninterrupted access to porn. So this episode is dedicated to him, and his ability to show up on time, get right to work, and not trying to engage us in any small talk because who cares about anything he has to say? If he wants to be all chatty, let him start his own podcast. Or maybe he has friends he can talk to. That must be cool. He looked like the kind of guy who showers, so it isn’t out of the question. Good for him. Yay Alan!

This week’s Bad Movie Review takes the listener down the fetid, nasty spiral that is Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988 ). Perhaps the most frightening thing this movie has to offer is all the 80’s hair, but if feathered bangs and soft perms aren’t scary enough, there’s popcorn guns and balloon animals. Death by comedy is a sadly under-explored genre, but this film doesn’t do enough to fill that aching need inside you for killer slapstick. Instead, you get latex masks; fun in moderation, but irritating when overused. Here’s Luka’s advice about this Kinda Lousey Intentionally Bad Movie: just watch the trailer. It spoils everything, and just about all the good bits are included. Save yourself time and heartache, unless you really have a thing for clowns. Or klowns.

http://youtu.be/fHXy8DpF5k0

Beware world travelers bearing gifts . . .

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection:

Yo Steve! When you gonna join me down at OGFC?

Occupy Gus’ Fried Chicken? C’mon, bird, you know I ain’t into that.

I’m down there mic checkin’ every damn day, and I ain’t got nobody backin’ me up.

Give it up, Herschel. You need to drop that shit and find yourself some hos and get roostin’.

They’re called “hens”, Steve. Have some respect for the sisters.

Bird, you need to get laid.

Your mama laid you.

What the fu- . . . ah, shit. Yeah, that’s right. That’s deep, brother.

Word, bird.

Are you growing up? Are you facing difficult emotional setbacks, like losing a sword-fight, or seeing your boyfriend out on a date with his sister? Toward Emotional Maturity (1954) will provide you with important advice!

Behold the perfect berry. It is wonderous, and worthy of praise.

040 There’s Wonder Everywhere

Posted on by

Our podcast went unexpectedly dead for a week, but here we are, resurrected. And does anyone buy us lilys? Are delightful, mythic forrest creatures hiding painted eggs for undeserving children in our honor? Hellz no! We’re amazed you noticed. Hey, nobody’s asking for the retooling of ancient pagan holidays, but a little attention maybe? Jesus come back from the dead and He gets contatas and a huge boost in church attendence. What do we get? Half-price “Day After Easter” candy, if we can beat the other cheepos to the Target. Either life-after-death isn’t fair, or that Messiah guy has one hell of an agent.

These last two weeks had so much earth-shaking news going on that we just had to ignore all of it. Instead, as we recouperated by drinking various juice admixtures, we parked ourselves in front of the idiot box. As it turns out, it was a pretty good time to have our eyes glued to the boob tube. We let you know all that has ended, all that has begun and all that is continuing in our weekly television consumption. We sure are able to watch a lot of TV for a household that doesn’t have cable. Funny that.

In 1976, Mick and Geri got together. No, not Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall. You’re thinking of 1977 and the proper spelling of “Jerry”. The Mick we’re talking about is a nebbish with an antique hobby and our Geri is the town bicycle with a nebbish-fetish. These two winners go back to Geri’s hometown to bump uglies which turns out to be a mistake because the town’s earthworm population has been electrified! No, this doesn’t turn into an adult-video parody of “How To Eat Fried Worms”, because for some reason electricity empowers earthworms (the old EEE principal). Super-wriggling worms are mass-attacking innocent hillbillies, leaving nothing behind but skeletons that can be sold to pawn shops for cash money. Hooray! And if wormageddon wasn’t enough to ruin the young lovers’ date, Roger, who has a hankerin’ for Geri’s various wormholes, just happens to own a worm farm with 100,000 worms! Oooo-whee, it’s a muddy, slimey love triangle in the heart of inbred, redneck stereotype America! How’s it going to turn out? Well, you can either subject yourself to watching Squirm, or listen to Luka’s Bad Movie Review of this Unintentionally Bad Awful Movie. Or you can go eat worms for all we care.

Here’s a police artist sketch of the Shirime, taken from an “eye-witness” account.

The Snakehead fish (a.k.a. the fish from hell) is currently plaguing Maryland’s ecosystem. The state is offering $200 gift cards to anyone who can kill one of these monsters that can survive up to four days on land and has teeth that can bite through a steel-toe boot. One fisherman, who caught seven of them, said he had to finish them off with his gun. And people are making horror movies about earthworms!?!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: maybe you fancy-pants yankees have some meager rabbit hiding your holiday eggs, but not ’round these parts. Around here, we got us the Easter Jackalope!

Hey, what are friends, anyway? Is it good to have friends? Can classmates be friends? Can a little girl be a friend? Can and old man be a friend? Can the little girl and the old man be friends, too? Wait, what? Please enjoy this week’s educational short; The Fun of Making Friends (1950)!

. . . and for some reason, Guam.

039 Slug Off

Posted on by

This may well go down in the archives as “The Infectious Episode”. We started off the show with Skullard being all croaky and phlegm-infused, and by the time we wrap it all up, he’s in dire need of a vaporizer and a towel over his head. As it turns out, podcasting is all we got done that day as our plague-ridden Skullard passed out on the tiles afterwards, a viscous pool of snot spreading from his over-active sinuses. Gross as that was, the slippery nasal discharge made it easier for Luka to drag her wretched husband to his nest for rest and restoration. By the end of the day, poor Luka was feeling the tell-tale tickle at the back of her throat signifying that her beloved had shared more with her than Cadburry Eggs, clever insights and loving glances. Both of our podcast hosts have fallen prey to the insidious bug, but you, dear listener, are safe. The common cold can’t be shared via MP3 files, and iTunes has suprisingly good virus protections set up for its users. Still, we’d be pleased if this podcast did become contagious, getting passed from listener to listener, spreading across the internet and polluting the vulnerable brains of podcast lovers everywhere. If somewhere deep in your psyche you’ve always wanted to be a Typhoid Mary or Larry, now’s your chance! Share the disease that is What Could Go Wrong? with someone you know and tolerate. Spread the infection.

Luka’s Bad Movie Review covered one of 1987’s greatest crimes against both cinema and nature: Slugs! Leaving an icky trail across countless VHS machines in the 80’s, this Lousy Unintentionally Bad Movie took one of the least threatening garden pests and turned it into a menace of near Jaws-like proportions. And rather than killing off the aggressive gastropods by filling kiddie pools with beer, the protagonists decide to deal with the slimey scourge by blowing up the goddamn sewers. What Could Go Wrong?

This young lady was booted out of school for having cool hair, but was allowed back in after the ACLU reminded everyone that pink follicles are constitutionally protected. School administrators were shocked that no one cared about the color of the sticks up their butts.

Victorian Romance Emma is the perfect antidote for your Post Downton Abby Depression. Does life have no meaning now that Matthew and Mary are together? Well now you can enjoy the emotional angst all over again as the son of a merchant family falls for a common house maid. C’mon, you know you love this kinda stuff!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Amazingly, we don’t have a postcard of slugs, but here’s two snails in . . . um . . . *ahem* . . . shall we say, an intimate exercise.

In this week’s thrilling educational short, a question which has plagued mankind for centuries is finally answered. Does our diet affect our health?! Of course it does, stupid! Please enjoy Eat For Health (1954);

038.5 It’s Perfectly Normal

Posted on by

With all the stuff we had to put up with this week, we just knew we couldn’t do a normal, full-length podcast. Or the kind of podcast we usually do. But we thought, “What the hell, let’s at least do a POINT FIVE episode. It may just be a short thing, but at least it’s something.” Then somehow, without any news, with no Bad Movie Review, we still managed to drag our poor listeners down to the 7th Circle of Hell for more than an hour of audio torment. We get to yammering about arson, ethnic saints, the hazards of having red hair, ugly people, Sweden: Heaven or Hell (1968 ), Dirk Gently, Naked Juice (Yay!), Rick Santorum (Boo!), Luka’s love of sorting, Cadbury Cream Eggs, and the love of Grimm. And just for the dirty fun of it, another round of That’s Not My Porn! Is it any wonder we can’t bring even a “half episode” in under an hour? Is it any wonder that this is one of the filthiest episodes yet? Imagine what we could be capable of if we actually worked at this shit. Imagine . . .

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: Looking for an Elephant’s Graveyard for your aging loved one? Look no further!

In this week’s bonus educational short, an irritating teen girl develops a crush on her brother’s nerdy friend. Is romance in the air? Or is that just electric waves being pumped out by the various modern appliances the women keep prattling on about? Please become amazed by A Young Man’s Fancy (1952).

038 Better Than Ragu

Posted on by

Despite our best intentions to keep things moving along all quick and snappy like, this episode took on a life of its own and went long. So what is that makes episode 38 Special? Is it because we talk so long we end up Rocking Into The Night? Is it so long that it makes you relax your grip on your MP3 player to the point that you Hold On Loosely? Or are you so Caught Up In You that you couldn’t care less? Well, we hope you’ll give us a Second Chance and enjoy this double-sized, giggle-filled episode.

In our usual chatter about TV, we bemoan the wrapping up of The Walking Dead, breathe sweet relief over the wrapping up of The River, wake up to the new show Awake, and celebrate the fact that Grimm just keeps getting . . . broadcast. Then the news proves that Facebook is out to bite your ass, but that’s hardly news, is it? Criminals keep getting busted by status updates and friend requests. Why do we keep using it? Why don’t you go to our Twitter feed and let us know! Oh, and the best thing to do if you’re late for a court date? Hammer down! And finally, an estranged husband puts a transmitter under his wife’s bed so he can NOT hear her having sex. Makes perfect sense, right?

Orphan (2009) practically dares you to predict its twist ending, bragging, “You’ll never guess her secret.” And then it cheats you out of crucial clues that would have helped you see what’s coming. But after Luka’s Bad Movie Review, you can sit back and enjoy this movie without all that burden on the brain. We just go ahead and spoil the twistiness so you can focus on the acting from some cute, if creepy, kid performers. So, what do you do when you lose a child? You pick up another one from the orphanage, because they’re all interchagable, right? This tale of buyer’s remorse takes all the fun out of treehouses, playground structures, and trippy blacklight painting. Oh, and also the sexualization of pre-adolescents. Sorry to ruin that for ya. Still, Luka gives it a Pretty Good Unintentionally Bad rating, so it’s worth a watch. Just make sure you stay on Esther’s good side, assuming she has one.

We launch a new game in our Random Encounter segment: “That’s Not My Porn!” Find out just how well Luka knows Skullard’s perverted tastes, and perhaps pick up a few suggestions for your adult viewing library as well.

An erstwhile penguin gives the camera the bird, then takes off at “tremendous speed”. Go Pingu, go!

If this sign by the highway is anything to go by, you may be listening to the Devil’s favorite podcast!

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: This is a German postcard that strangely has no caption or information on the back as to what’s so special about neon orange spaghetti. So, of course, I had to make something up myself.

Get up early in the morning while your still in your pajamas
Start making marinara that’s even better than your mama’s
Add oregano and garlic, let it simmer all day long
You’d think that it would save the meal, but sadly friend you’re wrong
Grate some parmasan and dump it on like it’s confetti
Nothing you can do will salvage day-glow spaghetti.

You can chow on kitty litter or chomp mushrooms from your lawn
Eat five gas station omelets until every bite is gone
You can suck a scoop of Vaseline or slugs or sumac leaves
Or any nasty substance that would give a goat the heaves
Think you’ve got an iron stomach? Are you confident you’re ready?
There’s nothing to prepare your gut for day-glow spaghetti.

I knew a kid in second grade, we all called him Freddy
He could have been a NASCAR champ like Mario Andretti
Or a fearsome big game hunter to stalk the Serengeti
Or play guitar and write more songs than someone like Tom Petty
Or cure disease or bring world peace . . . the sad fact is instead he
perished after half a plate of that day-glow spaghetti.

Hey, kids! Is school fun? Are you enjoying your friends and teachers? Well, once you get to Junior High EVERYTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE FOREVER! Please enjoy (and be traumatized by) Your Junior High Days (1963).

037 How Many Fire Ants Fled To My Stomach?

Posted on by

Hey there, children! Want to experience some math that’s FUN? Solve the following problem:
“Luka and Skullard’s adventuring party infiltrated the temple of the beheaded snake god only to be attacked by 592 ravenous degenerate snake-folk cultists. After horrifically slaughtering half of them with a blade barrier spell, tossing bloody viscera in every direction, the gore-soaked survivors ran and hid from the elven invaders in eight seperate chambers of the temple. If the cowardly snake-folk are hiding in equal numbers, how many degenerates are in each chamber?”
Here’s a hint: the answer is the same as this podcast’s episode number. Now, remember to show your work.

The Bad Seed (1956) is a cultural touch-stone and the topic of Luka’s Bad Movie Review this week. This is a Great Unintenionally Bad Movie that dealt with psychopathic serial killers before they were cool. Rhoda, the cute little blood-thirsty wench of this story will not only creep you out with her manipulative manners and flares of temper, but you’ll never look at girls with blonde braids the same way again. So much for afternoons watching the Brady Bunch while sipping Swiss Miss cocoa.

We get more milage from Prof. Stock’s Book of Questions. And once again, Skullard proves he’s a coniving bastard who twists the intent of the various scenarios to his own advantage. It’s amazing he hasn’t got further in life, seeing as the universe is essentially unfair and favors the selfish and the mean.

Meet Sgt. Harry J Wheeler, New York’s top K-9 cop. You can check out his official profile here.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: The happy family scene . . . or is it?
Mommy wears a yellow blouse, daddy wears a tie,
Josh and I wear jammies ’cause it’s time for beddie-bye,
“Can we stay up, daddy?” I give him sad eyes, “Please?”
He laughs and tells me, “Sorry squirt” as I bounce upon his knees.
Josh pouts behind daddy’s head, trying to look cute,
Mommy laughs and nudges him, “You heard him, kiddos. Scoot.”
Josh is in position and his eyes lock into mine,
They had their chance, I nod just once, giving him the sign.
Josh’s arms push against the back of daddy’s head,
While legs and ankles lock the neck to crush the corotted.
I bring my heel down fast and hard into daddy’s sack,
Then knee-drop on his diaphragm, pressing the attack.
Daddy’s air comes whooshing out, he tries to talk but squeaks,
He can’t break Josh’s sleeper hold (we practiced this for weeks)
Mommy finally figures out we’re not playing any more.
Her cry of fear masks the sound of flapping doggie-door.
“Xerxes,” I command our dog and point to mom, “Subdue!”
The rottweiler leaps at mommy’s neck as daddy’s turning blue.
In moments it’s all over, we’re staying up tonight,
In the basement mommy and daddy will wake up to their plight,
Duct taped naked on the floor, there they wait for doom,
Think of this next time you send your kids off to their room.

Please observe as a snooty, racist dog learns that friendship is about more than body shape and fur color. It’s Skipper Learns a Lesson (1952)!

036 We Did Get To Meat The Rabbits

Posted on by

It’s episode 36! Do you realize how significant that number is? 36 is not only a square number, it’s triangular. Look it up! In fact, it’s the smallest number other than 1 that’s both square and triangular. The next number like that is 1225, but that one’s just odd. And is 1225 an Abundant Number or a 13-gonal Number? Hellz no, but 36 is both! Holy flippin’ hoo-ha! And get this: 36 is the smallest integer which can be expressed as the sum of consecutive primes in 2 ways! Don’t believe us? Try 5 + 7 + 11 + 13 and 17 + 19. That’s right, add it up, bitch. And let’s not forget that both the truncated cube and the truncated octahedron are Archimedean Solids with 36 edges. That’s right, geometric shit! And for all of you chem-heads out there, let’s give it up for Krypton which not only has an atomic number of 36, but also gave us Superman before it exploded. So yeah, we now have just as many episodes of What Could Go Wrong? as Chinese dragons have scales that are both yang and malign. We’ve no idea what any of that shit means, but it sure impresses the hell out of us. Considering how significant the number 36 is, you’d think this was a super-significant episode, right? Nah, it’s just long.

What can be said about Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)? How about, “Avoid at all cost!” Luka really took one for the team with this one. This barely qualifies as a film, much less a Bad Movie for Review. The Geneva Convention won’t even allow you to show this movie to prisoners. You have Nintendo level CGI mixed with jump-cut dialogue from actors who act almost as well as they dance and they dance like white people! Go ahead and watch the clips below. Yeah, those are highlights. But in all fairness, no other movie has done as much for coat hangers since Mommie Dearest (1981).

Even though there was no time for it, the die was rolled and we indulged in another Random Encounter. We dove back into The Book of Questions and bathed in the deep ethical quandries hidden within. Then we had to take a shower.

Here’s Rocky, the 27 pound lobster that was caught, then thrown back into the sea. Why’d they throw him back? See the kid in the picture? Turns out his parents love him. Lobsters know how to negotiate.

From Skullard’s Postcard Collection: here’s a handy cheat-sheet. Can’t tell if your lobster is alive or boiled? This quick reference sheet will keep you from looking stupid.

Do you dare you sneak a peek at a montage of clips from Birdemic: Shock and Terror?! BEHOLD! Actors behaving in a dramatic way!

And now it is time to BEHOLD! Actors engaging in action scenes! Oh, the thrills!!

Please become enthralled by this week’s educational short: Stop Driving Us Crazy! (1959) This exciting educational video stars Rusty – a Christian alien spy car from Mars. No fooling.

And now, a word from the Duke of Wrong: